As time and distance
got us separated
My soul as fated away
Flying away with bird
Wishing to feel the warm of love
Without his pain
Now that you're back
I can only see despair
Into your eyes
Were you only a dream in my mind
Or the product of destiny
But now we are both dead, and looking
At each other soul
Saying everything is now right
A contest entry
- Butterfly Lovers by crimson rose 247.
600 points, ended February 28, 2007, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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it's good...
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excellent poem darling, i too have wanted to feel love without pain, i loved this dear, but i'm feeling tired nd i'm going to sleep, i'll ttyl tomorrow okies?
keep writing
~Ashley~<3 -
Congrats on the trophy, and another good poem. I think everyone wants to feel the warmth of love without feeling his pain. I know I do... Anyway, good job, and I look foward to reading more of your stuff!
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Love it
Awesome poem! -
i love the way you go about it, but i dont very much like the ending. dont get me wrong the concept is great, but the wordings could have been much better, like you could have not only painted a picture, but done a mural, and a very ever lasting one, but the idea behind it and the way the thought is trailed still adds points to it! thank you, and good luck in the contes
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Lovely poem
'But now we are both dead, and looking
At each other soul'
Loving these lines, they are sad but somehow...I can relate.
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i like it. i really liked My soul as fated away
Flying away with bird
Wishing to feel the warm of love
Without his pain
that keep the good work up -
i like the comparison between time and distance. it's interesting how you made love a boy. i dont like the use of "despair into your eyes". but i like the idea of the people looking at eachothers souls.
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