The Vampire's Obsession

Whoever may be reading this note; know this -
We will always lose someone we care for to mortality,
A relative... A friend... A lover...
But what would you do... If that ghost was resurrected?
If the dead... Became the undead?
One... Who answers the call of the blood moon?
...... This is my story.

I sit here as I write this, remembering when it all began -
Those gateways to your soul, were what ensnared me into your warm depths,
Our bodies intertwined as the summer breeze creased our clothes.
Watching the color of the sky drain so the stars could emerge,
The abyss of beyond illuminating with a thousand lights;
Your breath caressing my hair as the rhythm of your heart beat softly into my ear.
Something beyond our mortal comprehension seemed to manifest between us,
As we were caught in a moment, I prayed would be ever last,
And secretly hoping, we would experience them for the rest of our lives.
Finally, we had to part our ways,
As we stood outside my door our lips met,
My surroundings fading to nothing, so that it was only us and the gentleness of your touch.
Heat rose to the surface of my skin, a coy smile meeting yours,
And as you walked down the street, I felt an emptiness only your presence could fill.

And so came our next night together... The night that changed everything...

I woke up to my cell ringing my favorite song; your name flashing on the screen,
You laughed as a husky voice answered you, and as you revealed your cliched evening plan,
I giggled to myself; I didn't care what we did, as long as we were together.
I never told you, but before you I was never able to be intimate,
Something deep inside me could never allow me to be happy,
But with you that stronghold dissolved.
Something within me opened up, a door, which had always been locked;
You freed my physical love which I never though possible, obliterating any doubt,
And with that, when we sat side by side you put your arms around me and held me close.
I savored your scent, noticing you didn't douse yourself in chemical imitation,
I imprinted that olfactory aroma that was you, and you alone,
It was in that which I found home, for my heart was now integral to yours.
We walked the shadowed back street with our fingers laced,
Some, warning arose in my mind which I chose to ignore,
And then to my dismay, it was realized.

Like a demon he appeared from the darkness,
Silver glistening from the artificial light of beyond,
Knowing the danger we were in, I told you to run with me.
It all happened so quickly; I turned to flee, you weren't with me...
As my gaze returned to the scene I was about to leave, you were struggling with our attacker.
He suddenly stopped then retreated, and as I approached you, I saw why.
The life pouring freely from where the blade had penetrated,
Your eyes filled with... pain, sorrow, fear; but above all, regret.
Regret that you wouldn't be with me for the rest of my days.
You fell to the ground, but I managed to catch you,
I cradled your head on my lap, tears running as a waterfall down my cheeks,
Telling you to hold on and screaming for help.
The soundless air around us was shattered by hi-pitched sirens,
A weak smile met my lips as I gave you hope that you would be alright,
But... The words you would say for the first and last time, left with your final breath -

"I love you."

My love, my angel, my soul-mate, my everything... Lost.

There was nothing but darkness around me,
No voice or sound penetrating the void as my vision fixed on the nothingness in front of me.
All I could feel was emptiness, my heart no longer existed, and neither did I;
No... I did exist, but that was the only validation of my living.
I sat motionless as they discussed your burial, only one request being made,
That pipers will play Amazing Grace, as you descend into Gaia's depths...
I wore a black silk veil that day, yet my tears were so many, none could be shed,
I listened to each Eulogy being spoken with empty words,
I hated how they told of a 'tragedy' that befell you, and how your young life was taken.
None of them would ever feel the hurt I did as you slipped away in my arms,
Having to endure the sight of the bright light fading from your eyes,
And feel your skin that held so much warmth turn to ice.
I prayed to you my parting words, wishing I was brave enough so you could live,
And as your coffin descended, I wanted to descend with you,
I was all alone in the world, and I couldn't bring you back.

I didn't sleep for weeks, keeping a picture of you on my bedside table.
Every morning I cried as I woke up to find an empty space where you should be,
And every sunset reminded me of our first night together.
My thoughts were consumed with an endless repeat of that fateful night;
Why did I start to run when you showed no sign of moving?
Why didn't I help you fight that monster?
And the answer to those questions became all too apparent -

I was selfish. 

All I cared about was my own survival,
And I was responsible for my true love's death.
It should have been me,
You had so much to offer the world,
It wasn't that man who killed you... It was me.
I deserved punishment for letting such an event happen;
My flesh, marked with a thousand cuts,
Deep enough for maximum pain, but not given the pleasure of eternal sleep.

For days, weeks, months, I made sure I got what I deserved,
My senses overloading with pain,
The physicality in some twisted way a release.
No one could reach me in this house of Hell,
I couldn't feel anything, only emptiness,
And loneliness... A loneliness only you could take away.
I kept the blade next to your picture,
A reminder that our places should be exchanged,
Then a deposit of blood staining my sheets.
One night I collapsed exhausted, tear stains on my cheeks,
My forearm covered in blood from the incisions I had made,
And as I drifted, I saw a shadow, but could not open my eyes to see.
I felt soft kisses over my wounds, and the blood being removed,
I then felt hot breath on my neck and a whisper “I'll always watch over you”,
And I knew you had came; visited to offer your forgiveness.

From that night I knew I had your blessing to live on;
Slowly but surely I began piecing the shards of my withered soul back together,
I even opened a retreat that was named in your honor.
I  prayed to you every night, thanking you for your encouragement,
Thanking you for allowing me life,
And with each day, I edged a little closer to laying your memory to rest.
But this morning when I woke up, I knew something would happen,
There seemed to be... a fear surrounding me,
A warning that a life-changing moment is coming my way.
After the warm water washed my troubles away I left my home to go to work,
As I walked along the concrete, I realized I'd forgotten my cell,
But nothing prepared me for what happened as I turned.
I walked straight into a man and said I was sorry,
And as I looked up, there they were; those eyes...
My mind raced with our memories, then all went black.

I opened my eyes to find I was on my bed,
I sat up and saw you sitting on the window seat asking if I was alright,
Was I alright?
I endured years of pain and now I find out you are alive!
The self-loathing I went through thinking you were six feet under and yet here you stand!
I never stopped loving you and you let me believe I was all alone!
I could feel the same love and comfort I felt all those years ago,
But as I embraced you, I felt the same icy flesh I did when you passed,
And it was then you told me what you'd become.
Tales of yore bombarded my fragile psyche,
Had you come to me that night and fed?
Was I just a meal to you now?
You took my hands and told me you wanted me to be your life in unholy matrimony,
The look of hope in your eyes brought a tear to my eye,
As I had to crush those dreams with my painful answer - “no”.

To you dear reader you must know this -
That painful answer was for one simple reason....
I went through the pain of losing you once,
I can't bear to go through it again.

Yes... I know it's you reading this my love...
The message you got was from me,
But now all you will find is my lifeless body resting where I have spent many lonely nights.
I cannot become what you are because I do not wish a life of immortality,
It has been hard enough grieving for 5 years,
I could not do it for an eternity.
But the thought of having to live with that decision also fills me with unbearable pain,
And so this is the way it must end...
I never stopped loving you, and never will...
I will await your arrival in heaven my love, for your soul is too good for hell...

I'll always watch over you...

I love you.