The skyline paints itself with the blood
From those swept away in the flood
Of liquid fire of Krakatoa's violent eruption.
The lurid red rolls smoothly with no disruption,
And tongues of fire waver above the blue black fjord.
The sun sets behind the darkened hills of Oslofjord;
It bleeds its warm colours into the sky.
I stop and stand as friends walk by,
Trembling with anxiety; my ears I cover,
So as not to hear with which my senses discover,
An infinite scream that through nature passes,
As a snake slithers through the grasses.
Author notes
Written about the painting Scream (Skrik, 1893) by Edvard Munch.
Visit http://redmarkonthewall.tripod.com/scream.jpg if you do not know what this painting looks like.
Option 14
A contest entry
- imagery (fresh writes) by aliceramone.
500 points, ended March 1, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Send Me A Poem by crystallynnbradford.
400 points, ended November 9, 2007, 52 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - all HM winners! by Cat10.
850 points, ended May 19, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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thank you for entering! you did a very, very nice job here! I really enjoyed reading this, good luck in the contest!
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Chilling
and haunting... an image I will certainly never forget.
Great rhyme scheme, wonderful use of evocative imagery...
my only complaint is the flow of this line:
"As my friends walk on I stop and there stood I"
I understand the need for the second "I" to rhyme with the following line... but this line feels very awkward and breaks up the fantastic flow the rest of the poem carries out. I might try:
"I stand frozen as others walk on by"
or
"I stop and stand as friends walk by"
or something to that effect.
Great job! What a vivid write.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest! -
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Thanks
I appreciate the comment and the suggestions. I have been trying to fix that line because it does bother me as well. I think that I like your second suggestion. I will change it an I think it will fix the flow of my poem. Again thanks so much for the very helpful comment!
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ummm...are there words? wonderful piece
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Do you mean you can't see the words?
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beautiful with many expressions lingering in the mind like the painting itself screaming into our ears....
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Thanks for the comment
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I know this painting and like it very much...your write is very true to the picture>i like the flow...
bleeds warm colors into the sky...that is my favorite line in this excellent write...thanks for entering and good luck in the contest -
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That makes 2 of us! Thanks or your comment and your welcome for my entry. It's my pleasure!
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hahaha, jay says that's kinda cool... it's alright, the imagery is there, but I can't get it to flow right...
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