In a dark muddy pity, struggled many –
craving for salvation, they drowned even more –
dead and hopeless, like the corpses around them,
floating lifeless, sustaining the decadence –
warm feet touching the bottom bones –
A man was outside, writing on a paper;
his face was clean and so were his hands –
and on the surface, shouted another man:
“Insensible, miserable! What you do
while we suffer and perish? Bring us rescue!”
But the writer did not raise his pen–
he was not oblivious to the pit and its end –
the sorrow and sobs he could understand;
to him they just seemed a recollection
of a time long gone when he was himself drowned -
such are the memories hovering in the surface
of his own bottomless self – he now recorded
and wrote with truth on the clean paper sheet.
A contest entry
- Poetry Themes by Nicole Hanna.
1000 points, ended March 3, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Last stanza, "raised" should be "raise", at least in context of the rest of the line. Also, in the last line, I believe "on" might work better than "in". Otherwise, this was a fantastic piece. I promise I only nitpick on ones I really like
-
-
Nitpicks, specially those very reasonable, are always Welcome
-
Adding your comment:
