Falling on wooden floor,
with recollections of times
we spent all together,
bonding through melted walls
and backless seats of cars,
one might really give in.
Who says it is too much?
A doctor, the police,
anyone can tell lies.
Their teeth are that of sharks
waiting to destroy this...
This atrocious excuse
of a human being.
One might think of darkness
as a simple escape
to the sights of this life.
One might question if they,
in fact, really exist,
because it would seem that
they are the walking dead,
where computers control
and the mind of evil
burns and destroys the good,
leaving their heads screaming,
"No one understands me.
No one understands me.
No one gets why I do...
What I need to you see?
It is God to blame see...
He made me in this place...
But I don't believe it.
I just want to make this...
Everything dissapear."
A contest entry
- Fighting Addiction (Contest) by Child of an Angel.
900 points, ended March 9, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - x |Heroin| x by Dead Star--x.
300 points, ended April 16, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Wonderful
Very creative and so well expressed. Congratulations on the honorable mention.
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Wow, so much emotion is in this. I loved the ending, it just really stuck out the most to me. Drugs are a hard thing to come clean of..and you see the abuse of it everyday. Anyways, I really liked this, the meaning in this is clearly expressed. Nice job and congrats on your trophy. ~
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I really like this, fighting addiction is terrible. Goodwork.
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This is a well written poem... I like the lines "A doctor, the police, anyone can tell lies. Their teeth are that of sharks." Sometimes I feel the way you described at the end... I'm glad you wrote a poem about this and put a voice to that feeling.
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I read this over about 5 times outloud to get a good feel of it and honestly, I love it. It's what a battle with drugs is really about. Keep writing, alright?
<3 Elia -
I see something that I don't think you have even realized yet. The entire poem is summed up in one sentence. Infact, you are summed up by one line...
"No-one understands me." Mmm... it is an interesting line.
The emotions are great. I think the start of the poem is enourmously powerful. The beginning has substance enough to keep people reading. Some interesting thoughts go through your head or so it seems. "Bonding through melted walls." I am not positive what you mean by this because I can see multiple meanings. However, I think this is great. You offer a powerful sentence with a bit of uncertainty. Causing a reader to be uncertain CAN be a very positive attribute in some poems. However, there is a right place for it and a right way of doing it. I maybe just too stupid to understand what you are saying- and it is fine either way.
But I want you to keep this in mind. Just a thought...
I can tell that you are beginning to learn how to construct a poem with good flow. Yet, the flow is a bit awkward. One example:
"with recollections of times
we spent all together." I just ask you several questions: What benifit do you achieve by making this into two lines? Does it make sense when you read it out loud? Does it flow?
Well, it is a nice peice and very well done. I enjoyed reading it and I wish you good luck in the contese.
-Ativan
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One might think of darkness
as a simple escape
very much discrptive with high imagination
verse touches the heart with all niceties -
I understand this. I haven't battled a drug addiction, but I've battled this lost, confused feeling. An interesting poem indeed. Good job.
. Rewarded 4
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