He loves me.
He love me not.
He love Crack more.
She's his whore.
She calls his name
to come play her game.
He leaves his family
with no food or money
to go spend time
with Crack.
She has a hold on him
that he has no desire to shake.
If he keeps going
it's his life she's going
to take.
Out all night and
no phone call.
I just want a little respect,
that's all.
When he's sober and
faced with the nasty truth
He cries like a baby.
Missing money is the proof.
Can't take it no more
it's over
I'm through.
Won't let him beg me to stay
and help him over this.
Taking your ass to rehab
needs to be your wish.
Call it 'tough love' baby
'cuz today I'm officially
THROUGH.
In a list
A contest entry
- Fighting Addiction (Contest) by Child of an Angel.
900 points, ended March 9, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
hmmm... I see... I see...
The way you constructed this poem makes it very powerful. You have relatively good form. Actually, if you didn't have the "snappy" form- this poem would be- nothing. The content is not very strong and most of the lines would be weak by themselves. However, you made it work. Take this lightly. I have written many poems with the same style and a lot of my lines are weak but the flow is what makes it good. Yet, the challenge is- content with the flow. This idea I have expressed numerous times. So- it is a good poem. I know how difficult it can be to structure such a poem. The next thing I say- I sincerely believe: Based on this poem you have skill and talent. Many people may not understand my conclusion, but the way you wrote this poem shows style and demonstrates a classic poet. You emphasized certain parts of sentence- you were dramatic and manipulated it to give emotion. This is not something that comes easily. It is also obvious that you should try adding more detail or figure out how to be passionate but use "pretty" words and sentences.
I didn’t like the title at first but when I read the beginning of your poem- my mind changed swiftly. It is a good opening. Also, you change tenses at the end of the poem. Obviously, this poem is about you. I understand how you feel- I really do. Life can sometimes really really suck. Hold tight!
Despite this- there are a few places that I think don't flow as well as it could. It could be worked on a little. Yet, I enjoyed reading this poem. It is very good. Keep writing- Good luck in contest.
-Ativan
-
well done
The first thing that struck me about this poem is the structure. It seems random and chaotic yet it has something resembling what used to be a planned shell. Brilliant as I started to read and found the theme of the poem. Like a former person that has been torn apart by drugs this poem structured the same. Now that’s only the structure next I realize the flow is perfect with very palatable verbiage that adds to the easy realization of the image which is very dark and foreboding. This is a work than can only be accomplished by a master poetess. Bravo!
Love, Amera
-
Wow
A true tale of tough love, this is really a great peom, I enjoyed it from beginning to end, blessings John
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