Sweet Sister, I am lost without your warm arms,
Daddy beats me even harder now that you are gone.
Can I please stay here and rest for just awhile,
Untill Daddy drinks himself into unconsciousness.
Can I lay down here with you, on your grave,
Till the morning light trickles over the horizon,
Then give me the courage, sister, to go back there.
A contest entry
- Picture Inspired by tawk.
633 points, ended February 27, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Emotional Poetry Give Me Your Best! by tawk.
630 points, ended March 1, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fear by Passionate Singe.
600 points, ended April 7, 2007, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Extreme Emotion by JessTheRentyMess.
365 points, ended May 2, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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this seems a little to unfinished to judge. what you have here is heart wrenching though. good job...keep writing and improving and i wish you the best of luck in my contest and in future contests.
Jess
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This actually gave me chills. The imagery of this etches into the mind and you really want so badly to reach out and take this child and make her feel safe and be safe. A short but strong piece. The only thing is the ending is a bit week, it leaves you feeling as though there should be more, perhaps another stanza or something. I think you could easily expand it. Yet, there is a haunting feel to it that says "there is no more...just the fear" and that over powers the sense. Wonderful job here.
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wow that was really deep and very well worded i love it... plz come see some of my work when you get a moment
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This is such a sad and emotional write of pain. Good luck in my contest
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this was a gutt wrenching read! i dont think a poem on this site has had a bigger impact on me emotionally. i am sooking like a baby
my stomach san my heart and the tears were definately flowing.
although i know things like this are sadly a daily occurence, i sit here hoping this did not happen to you.
you have written such a beautiful piece. this surely must be worty of gold.
beautifully done.
good luck in the contest.
Til
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No, it my sister didn't die, but we were all beaten and molested, but we all survived physically. Not so well, emotionally. Thank you for you kind comments.
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OH MY GODDDDDDDDD!!
Oh i could feel the pain, the sadness....tears streak my face for I know somewhere out there this has probably happened to someone, if is true to you I am soo sorry if not you have showed in a different light how many kids are treated, beaten, even dead do to a parents hand...powerful beyond words...thanks for sharing this well written piece. best wishes to you my friend.
vsutton
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Thank you for your understanding review. My sister didn't die, but we were all beaten and molested. But we survived, physically, but not so well emotionally. Thanks for your review.
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so sad a write. i can feel the pain and anguish of this child. to make a reader feel the emotions is to me an excellent poet of high standards. this has great imagery, flows naturally. overall a wonderful write. keep writing. God bless you always
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Thank you for your heartfelt words of encouragement and the applause.
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Such a sad write, so full of emotions. I could feel her pain and anguish. Good luck in my contest
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Oh wow, It really does hold a sweet sentiment with sadness overall. A job well done. Good luck with the contest
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Thank you for the kind comment and the applause. They are both appreciated.
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Thanks you for the hug and the applause. You are so sweet, my friend.
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ahhhhh, i like it! It's so sad, and sweet!I'm glad you posted this one! Can't wait to read more!
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Thank you for your sweet comment and the applause.
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