...
Author notes
.
.
A contest entry
- The Secret of a Thing by cvillelisa.
1100 points, ended March 12, 2007, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
It's an attempt--
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
Part of what appeals to me about this poem is the attention to detail, as well as the hint of narrative, a story beyond the object. I like the expressiveness of the poem, the personification, which is, of course, really the feelings of the poet imposed on the thing. Yep, like it a lot.
Thank you for writing for our contest.
-
I wish I wrote this poem. Of course I would have written it differently. But the imagination and beauty in your last lines about the balcony being a lip in sadness makes me feel I will never write anything as beautiful in all my life. How completely odd to feel this way about a balcony huh? That was the point of the contest as far as I'm concerned.
I would like to share with you my thoughts about this --I do think there are some problems in the poem as it stands right now -- but my goodness I think this is worth working on.
But because I don't know who you are, I don't want to overstep my boundaries and of course we are in the midst of judging. Though I haven't talked to any of my co-hosts yet about the contest.... hopefully soon.
After we judge, I'll be in touch. Good luck to you and thank you for making me believe this morning.
Lisa -
This special space offers much to those who use it outside, and those who live inside the apartment as well. Liked the read.
-
*sigh*
-
I really liked your poem and it was really well writen. You are a great writer. Great job and keep up the work.
Lindsay -
I have a present for you
“There is age in the pockmarks
that has eaten character
in wrought iron arms,”
The scarring mentioned in the first line physically brands a mark of wisdom upon the object. However, it goes on to use the description of “eaten” as though this wisdom is weathered. The character seems to be damaged or suppressed by the “wrought iron arms” that do not allow for movement and are pre-shaped.
“perch for the weary wings
that flutter edges of an old
standing building, brick
and memory and chipped-
an occasional indent
that creates temporary homes
for temporary tenants.”
The next line immediately induces the image of a bird, which contrasts to the previous image of iron arms, welded in a fixed position, as the reader imagines birds arms to be light and supple. The “weary” wings relates back to the age of the scars in the first line; implying a reminiscences of now traumatized wings. The “old standing building” is just as stationary as the wings appear to be, and the description seems to mirror them, creating “temporary homes” for remembrance.
“Three inches of outside
for those trapped
in low-income abodes
and spring finds a symphony
of morning wake-up calls
fluffed upon its railing,”
The “three inches of outside” seems to be an allowance for some present reality to creep in, and the “low-income” brings the comparison of the bird to a weary adult with financial difficulties. It then goes on to describe some form of hope, however, if only the three inches of reality is allowed, then this is not necessarily a factual hope.
“awaiting gifts
of stale bread sprinkled
on the short lip
that protrudes as sadness
at its meager space-“
The hope is then quickly rationalized to be bread that is stale, and sad. The hyphen at the end os “space” shortens the impact of the close, as opposed to the usual lengthening effect. It allows for an emptiness to be immediately visual, emphasizing the effect of the words.
..
I'm practising my essay writing! Ana has some as well lol.. I'll try do another soon..
-
, I really liked this. Excellent penning. 
-
.
-
wow!
It looks like you sure found ypour muse, my dear friend..I love this! Your poetry is always so real and beautifully written!
Lynda
-
-
wow good job
-
There is a relationship betweent he tenants and the birds - I don't think this is just about birds, but the people inside as well - the lip outside is for them - it is their world.
The poem opens with architecture, descriptive - details - gets into the city and grit of it - this is what poetry offers a way to get into it - and this does that - going from the world to the beings.
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
