America - the land of opportunity,
The land of the free and home of the brave.
A perfect mask we wear, disguised so thinly -
The land of intolerance and home of the slave.
We look down upon those who kill without reason,
Telling ourselves the past is far behind.
But by forgetting, we commit a new kind of treason,
One that leaves us slightly maligned.
Hate, racism, 500 years of genocide -
The past isn't pretty, but neither is a lie.
To better the future, we must cross a great divide,
Face the ugly past and don't stop to deny.
The past is the past, and the future is now,
But we can't forget our mistakes - big or small.
Instead of the hate intolerance allows,
Show the love and acceptance of one and all.
Author notes
This speaks of America's hidden past and our reluctence to acknowledge what we (by we, yes I mean white people - Europeans) have done to people of other ethnicities for no real reason, other than we felt like it.
Blessed Be
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Nicely done. Good message and rhythm.
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I completely agree...
amazing....
Hate, racism, 500 years of genocide -
The past isn't pretty, but neither is a lie.
To better the future, we must cross a great divide,
Face the ugly past and don't stop to deny
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Hmm, I usualy hear people complaining about how others are too politically correct, so this is a new one on me. Nicely written, though, with a great rhyme scheme. Keep up the good work!
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amazing view
i love the message that you are trying to get across. first it was the native americans, and then african americans and so forth...the title is astounding! it really caught my eye and the poem matched up with it so well!
~bee -
I enjoy poems on society very much, and I suppose this is why. There is so many different views on society (even though its mostly screwed up things we all disagree about). Its captivating how well you hung on to the reader's attention by stating every word so truthfully.
America - the land of opportunity,
The land of the free and home of the brave.
A perfect mask we wear, disguised so thinly -
The land of intolerance and home of the slave.
What a great way to begin! "The home of the slave" was really amazing and powerful. Keep writing! -
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Thank you so much! This was really spur of the moment contest writing, and it still seems not completely done to me, but oh wells. Thank you so much for your comment, I really appreciate the feedback!
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I love the title- it drew me in right away. Also, great subject to write on. I agree with Cylis that we should heal the wounds of the past in order to have a bright future. Also, your rhyme and flow is pretty good, although ABAB is such a common rhyme scheme.
I think the second stanza is strongest- "But by forgetting, we commit a new kind of treason" I love that line. Nice write. -
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Thank you so much for your comment. And I know that the rhyme scheme is pretty common, but it just seemed to work the best at the moment. I don't always use rhyme, and try to vary as much as possible. Maybe next time I'll try something a bit different =-)
~Nikki
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MM & BB!! Ahh and there, but unspoken, is the harsh truth that as a country we remain bigoted, not only on race, but on many other subjects as well, like disability, sexuality, gender, religion, etc. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors.
Hetohke'e * 
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I love the honesty! It's not easy to be honest and ask questions. I do agree, we should heal the wounds of the past in order to have a bright future. And I hope there is one day (as your poem so aptly states) "love and acceptance of one and all." Brilliant write! Bravo.
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Thank you so much for your comment! I'm glad you feel the same way, and I wish so many more people did too. This is actually a recent revelation of mine, from taking some social science classes at my college that have definitely opened my eyes.
Thanks for the applause also ^_^
~Nikki
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I love the honesty! It's not easy to be honest and ask questions. I do agree, we should heal the wounds of the past in order to have a bright future. And I hope there is one day (as your poem so aptly states) "love and acceptance of one and all." Brilliant write! Bravo.
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I want to thank you for entering my contest. I really do like your piece, it has attitude to it, which is nice, especially since it is done logically and with purpose. Your title is very appropriate and sums the poem up well. I suppose the length is not so bad, I think I was just wanting more, more descripstion, some food for an image, and the reason for this is because of how much your piece spoke to me.
I wish you the best.
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Thanks for your comments - I really enjoyed your contest, even though I didn't place. I really wish I could've given you more, but I just couldn't think of anything more to add. I'll certainly keep trying, because I certainly feel that its unfinished...and hopefully I can come up with the proper words to end it well. Thanks again!
~Nikki
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I liked this poem, wish it was longer but that's not a problem. You made a very true point here, and if only we could grow out of past transgressions. Thank you, best wishes.
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Yeah, I would've made it longer, but I really couldn't think of anything that would fit - if I think of something, I'll try to add it but....tis as good as its going to get for right now, lol.
~Nikki
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