Godless, I was
loving and hopeful.
New dreams ever spurting
from a fountain of naivette.
I swam and danced
and drank 'till I
could scream from joy.
Hunger came too soon though.
And I left my beautiful shining
fortress unguarded; in search
of power,enough to satisfy
my all-consuming,burning urges.
I found power at a bargain price.
It seemed that my lustful glance
could burn hearts. So,I flirted with
envy and made love to greed.
I gourged myself on searing power.
Oh, Folly! Now my inner wellspring
has dried up and the dreams left are
quickly leaving because of the intense heat
I have God now as I burn in hell.
No more cool, soothing dreams
to protect me from the broken
edges of the world
I can still feel right? Mostly;
but there is no love, no hope.
No More, not for this sinner
Only darkness is left in me.
I'm evil
Author notes
this is off the top of my head, I'm trying a new style with the punctuation and would appreciate any comments or suggestions you have
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Well of but if you're in hell please safe me a place. Someplace nice with a lakeside view (got to love the smell of brimstone in the morning) Took me a little while to figure out what was going on with the punctuation, but I'm slow that way. An interesting poem with an interesting message. (the 'a' and the 'u' should be swapped in 'ungaurded' though)
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powerful
I like this style here, it's written well and seems to have a good effect upon the reader. I can truly relate to this because even the happiest of us, the most honest of us, can turn to something bad to quench our needs. I feel that everyone at some point or another will have similar experiences. We're all sinners in our own definition. So I really appreciate how well you were able to put into words how you felt. Great Write!
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