They asked me to explain / this constant beating in my chest / the lovesick feeling that I’m getting / the one I won’t forget / when I am standing right beside you / looking straight into your eyes / looking forward into the future / remembering I have died
And so I cried // for you my love // There is nothing left that I can do // to save the world from what I had done // living in this life that I have made // and so I cried
I remember all the days / I sat trapped within my room / feeling loneliness overtake me / killing the child within the womb / and I wish for something better / something better than what I’ve got / remembering all the lies I told you / the pain that I had brought
And so I cried // for you my love // There is nothing left that I can do // to save the world from what I had done // living in this life that I have made // and so I cried
Could you save me from myself / put the pain up on the shelf / take it far away from me / release their grip and set me free / Make it better for the young ones / that are trapped within my mind / Place your hands upon my body / help me leave this world behind
And so I cried // for us my love // I can’t remember all my feelings // can’t remember all my lies // living in this world that I had made inside // and so I cried
And so I cried / and so I cried / and so I cried…..
(chorus fade)
Author notes
I think that this song is one of the best I have ever written. It's not too hard to see the meaning within the song and It's really not so hard to hear the music once you start reading it. I hope that you like it....
A contest entry
- Prewrite Craze Contest by BlackSwan.
550 points, ended June 29, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Give me your opinions about this piece...
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Thankyou for singing this to me this is beautiful
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Wow heart wrenching and thrilling at the same time.
I really felt the emotion flowing through this write.
wonderfully done
-GL in contest -
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I really feel this one.... *pause and take deep breath*
beautiful imagery!
your use of words is deafening..
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Maginificent
The flow comes so naturally that it seem like a song brought down from the heavens to bring pleasure to you! It was wonderful!
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Breathtaking
it is so heartbreaking. How often is it that you find a poem that does such things to a person? I loved it, what else can I say, I could hope for nothing more then what this poem and you have given me
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Poet/Songwriter
I like it very powerful. I could hear the beat and tempo (very fast sang thrash metal for many years) Any way I can not think of anything negative to say nor can I think of any way for you to improve on this poem/song either. So I give it two thumbs up. and three bunnies.
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I never quite saw it as thrash metal but know that you have said something the Idea did come to mind. I've been looking for a way to sing this for my upcoming band practice so what you have said may be put into action. Thanks!!
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I like it!! It's strong and a lot of feelings, How you end it and make us know it's fading away, makes it stronger too. Unfortunatly I couldn't hear the music (kinda loud music playing in the house), but the lyric really got to me! Good job!
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As I was reading I could hear music in my head, I actually found myself singing it.. as I am a singer.. but I don't usually find myself doing that, not in that way... fabulous, the words are wonderful and as a song, fantastic... being a singer and as my cousin is... (she writes the songs though, I can't, just poetry) and being a musician this has really blown me away..
well done!!
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Love it.
Beautiful wording and message. I love the flow of it. I can almost hear the melody....
love always,
~musicangel -
It's Beautiful. It's full of so much emotion, I Like it very much. Your extremely talented
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Very Good!!
A beautiful piece especially when put to music. I do agree that one can almost hear the song
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Lee this was beautiful... You can feel your different emotions and struggles I know you are going through personally right now... I've recently been going through some of the same problems. It is hard, but it gets better. This could very easily be set to an awesome melody. Feel free to come over and work on it over here. Rachael and I both would love that! I know, you being the author, you already probably have you're own sounds set in your head, but it would be cool if you wanted to try to work something out with the guitar and the piano.
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it s hard on the heart I feel
Dearest poet
I can see you are in a shock of life and pain and disgust hope you will all get it though
though its a very great way to have your expressions shown you just could manage to put it in a very neat format although its a column like but managing it will give a better view just a suggestion ...
all though
great write
Keep that wonderful pen always wet never let it dry
Life is beautiful
Sunny
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I like the chorus it pulls at the emotions and felt i was singng as i read it...would like to hear this being performed I know how I felt it but wonder if it was the same as you. We all feel things in a different way but I feel many will relate to this song. There is a sorrow for sure and as i see the movie played out thank you for the pleasure of the read...if only i could hear it sung
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What a beautiful song, i would love to hear it to music! although i have a tune already playing in my head. You have a real talent for song writing, and i hope that you do something with this amazing gift you have. Bravo, i applaud you.
ss
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ohh..it made me cry, maybe jsut cause oh what it says to me and how i feel but it is really a good and amazing song, acaually its the first ive read on here cause most songs just...they dont have that thing to them..i just like it
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I wish I could hear this. I think it's heartfelt and jammed with all of the things that make a great song.
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this is very nice lee i loved this piece. and you are right ths is the best song you have ever written great work. i could feel and here the song while i was reading. great work can't wait to see your next piece
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I still love it... I really like this :-
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I was singing this while I read it and I'm like 'this could be a great song' and then I scroll down and see your Author's Note... Glad I'm not a complete loon. This is simply great. I would buy this single which is saying something because all I seem to buy anymore is Bon Jovi. Great job
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Thank you so much. I revised the first verse so if you want to check it out you can...
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i am blown away by the rhyme
i am not a fan of rhyme because it's usually brutalized and forced but not this time
as i began reading my mind said 'lyrics!' quite loudly
it's a damn good song
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Thank you so much. The first verse and last chorus have changed a little but I think it's for the better...check it out if you want.
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Brilliant!
This is so amazing... Just something I felt I could relate to. I came out of a year-long relationship back in October, and I am just getting over him now. I loved him more than I ever had anyone, and still he hurt me. I had thought that he was the one and, until recently, I still missed him, regardless of the pain.
The song, to me, had a soft-rock-ballad, almost-Evanescence feel to it, if you listen to "My Immortal" or "Exodus", you'll see what I mean. It flowed nicely, and it would make an awesome song! Well done, my dear, and best of luck to you.
Best wishes,
Laura
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Thank you so much...
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This was very beautiful. It had a musical flow and yes, you can almost feel the music as you read.
Thank you for sharing.
Soulful Woman
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Many thanks to you!!!
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