A frog in a pond sitting alone
sitting atop his lily leaf throne
A princess comes skipping by,
a maiden who loves pumpkin pie,
catches the eye of one in green skin.
Ribbit Ribbit, "her heart I must win."
Ribbit ribbit. "A frog, do I hear?"
Maybe a kiss and a prince will appear.
Into her hands Icky Green goes,
the kiss is given to a cold wet nose.
With a laugh in the wind
he rode in and grinned.
On his high horse, prince charming said,
"I've got it all, pick me instead."
"This frog has something you do not."
Being surprised by this twist of plot,
The prince laughed, "Oh is that right?"
"The frog has me, he is my knight."
Ribbit ribbit, "an angel without wings?"
So Back the prince went, to the land of kings.
*Poof*
A puff of smoke and a boy the frog became,
then the language spoken was now the same.
"A handsome prince I may not be,
but I am so in love with thee."
She walked away with her lucky new friend.
And we know what they do in... The End.
Author notes
This is a slight twist on an old Tale. I just felt like writing this for my girlfriend and was wondering what others might think. Hope you like it.
P.S. She likes pumpkin pie.
A contest entry
- So you think you are good huh???...find out... by LoveNeverDies.
309 points, ended March 18, 2007, 88 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Funny
I thought this poem was very funny. I wondered what the pumkin had to do with it ( that part made me laugh because it seemed odd) Anyway, the whole story was well told and I'm sure your princess will love it. Good stuff.
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HAHA...I found it so entertaining. Loved certain bits...like the *poof* and Icky Green! Brilliant stuff
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This is just the way I read it... I'll write the original followed by what I would change it to were it my poem.
"he rode in and grinned." to "he rode in and he grinned."
"This frog has something you do not." to "This frog has something that you do not."
"Being surprised by this twist of plot," to "Being surprised by this twist of the plot,"
"The frog has me, he is my knight." to "The frog has me, and he is my knight."
"And we know what they do in... The End." to "And we all know what they do in... The End." -
Good retelling
Much better than the original tale
Some of the flow feels a little off, but overall I think it's very good.
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Care to share?
I fixed one of the more obvious lines, which I originally thought a little off. The one I speak of ended in "our friend in green skin." Were there any other lines you thought threw it off? Maybe I can do something for those too.
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This is fantastically cool!!! I love this! I have always wanted to pull this off with no real success! I am jealous!!!!! Again this is a wonderful piece!
Rey
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This is a great write that kept a smile on my face throughout. Fun piece of poetry which I loved. Good luck in the constest.
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A very fun and enjoyable write. Love comes in all shapes and sizes for true love is blind. A wonderful write of love and fairy tales, which often come true.
Best to you!
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Really a cute write ,done very well
Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the contest
Gloria
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WOW
I'm in total awe it was great funny love everything im absolutely in love with it totally great awesome piece of work!!! keep up the great writes good luck in the contest not that you need it!!!! -
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Haha
Why thank you.
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Excellent
You must surely find a contest for this! Excellent rhythm and it almost carries a lyrical tone. Wonderful write and full of entertainment! Imagery was great as well your flow of the piece in it's entirety. My pleasure to read, hope to see you post more work and enter those contest!
~Tia
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Why thank you =)
Most kind words those are... I'm fairly new to this place though so I'm not exactly sure about how to find contests. Plus I'm a little critical of my work always thinking it's not got the grit in it.
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well done
keep the thoughts in my mind of kissing a five legged frog with hints of toxic sludge on his breath great write
love papa
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