The wind blows calmly,
Leaves fall to the ground in peace,
Trees sway in the breeze,
sun shines down on all of us,
brightening up our bad day.
Author notes
FOOTNOTE: A Tanka is older than Haiku. It marks an occasion or moment. Usually divided in 5 syllabic lines consisting of 5,7,5,7,7. The Japanese poem is written in one straight sentence. Some American Tankas add many stanzas to the poem.
(That's for the people who don't know about the poem.)
A contest entry
- poetry from the leaves of words by Nicolette.
700 points, ended March 3, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I agree with Gill...the sharp pink on the blue background makes this poem everything but peaceful - but tanka itself does make the reader the wind-blown trees and the leaves falling. I would have left the word "peace" out (2nd line) - "the leaves fall to the ground" is a strong enough image. The transition in the 3rd line could have been stronger, as for me it links to closely to the first line. Still it is a very nice tanka.
Thank you so much for this entry.
~ Nicolette
-
ooohh ... well
the colour of your font makes this hard to read... not a good colour for judging.. sorry
but after highlighting..... i see you have a peaceful piece..
so well done and many thanks for entering..
G.x -
ahhhhh ty for reminding me I had forgotten your still the best poet I kow welcome back
Adding your comment:
