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Silent Goodnight

Missing image

My mind is stolen by the night
Persistent wisps of melancholy
Lucid before the pillow called me
I lay my head for nighttime rest

Persistent wisps of melancholy
Yet I know, I am naked in my bed
Drinking from the finest crystal
Yet the vessel is only a gourd

Lucid before the pillow called me
Delusions of wearing purple robes
Riding nightly on a white stallion
Sane by day and mad by night

I lay my head for nighttime rest
Delusions of nocturnal sanity
I whisper a silent goodnight
My dreams will keep me sane

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Retourne

Like so many other French forms, the retourne is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables. The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line, the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme.

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • Aalta silver member
    November 25
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    This is so well written... its so wonderful to see how you integrate forms with the beauty of expressions....
    Thank you for sharing this

    - Aalta


  • And Hyetal
    February 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, beautiful! I'm sorry I haven't been on enough lately...

    Cassie


  • Fox-Reaper
    February 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    awesome very beautiful and nay i say you have alot of talent for writing
    this is great


  • Princess-Gloria
    February 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome !! very beautiful pen you have a
    true talent of expressing yourself so well.
    Very nice flow. Thank you for sharing
    and best of luck in the contest.
    Gloria


  • JohnnyD gold member
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Remembrances

    Amera,

    Another exquisitely done piece by you as usual.
    the wording and mechanics are sublime, but so are
    the thoughts in between the lines.
    there appear to be three, but actually they are one.
    They are very much like mine were for roughly
    ten thousand, two hundred and forty nights

    Delusions of nocturnal sanity
    I whisper a silent goodnight
    My dreams will keep me sane

    Which to me were;

    Demons of waking remembrance
    spilling grief into the good night
    My dreaming, please, keep me sane

    But, that is over now, for oh, nine years
    ago now. I still remember at times but
    the love I was shown, and which still exists
    to this very day, this very second,
    melted the hard knots of my heart like
    hard butter in an oven of love.

    An experience that is DAMN hard to beat.


  • NurseChilly gold member
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like this piece... but the font you've chosen doesn't always translate as a good one to read, even though it looks quite pretty.... (only my thoughts) ....

    i'm not a fan of rhyming poetry as a rule, unless it is done well.. and i think you've done a grand job with this one.. and you must have worked well in order to get this to come off...

    and you've managed not to be too cliched in your rhyming ends too.. which is applaudable..



    well done...
    nice to peruse the featured box to find something good and interesting to read on a dreary monday..



    Gill x


    • Amera gold member
      February 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      humm... I forget that the font shows up differently in other peoples computers. I printed this and it looks great on mine.

  • samcuy
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    nice

    i love the way this is written. it must have taken you a while to get it right.
    Riding nightly on a white stallion
    Sane by day and mad by night
    i really like those lines. great poem.
    sam


    • Amera gold member
      February 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      deadwalker

      Thank you, your comment made me feel good.


  • literaryromantic
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful.

    "Persistent wisps of melancholy"

    This line gave me a tingle.
    The form of this piece is
    really something quite amazing.

    "I whisper a silent goodnight"

    There is something about that
    line that strikes a chord in my heart.

    All in all a beautiful and emotive piece.
    Thank you for sharing.


    • Amera gold member
      February 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Epidemic

      thank you for your kind comment.

  • Sunshinegf
    February 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    tight i and wonderfull

    beautifull work on this moving piece


  • Bigmammajen
    February 26, 2007

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    what a wondeful poem. Interesting form too. I havent ever heard of it.


  • mysticstorm gold member
    February 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    How lovely it is! So deep and beautifully stirring, a write as only you can do it. Such lovely flow and truth in this worlds. I so know this feeling, yet you have wrote it with such elegance.
    I love the ending. May your dreams always keep you sane in the dark.
    Love


  • February 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Textbook. Masterwork.

    This is the text book example of what a Retourne should be. The first stanza is the solid rock foundation of this poem. Now I lay me down to sleep… yet you have established the next level with your words.

    Each stanza perfectly goes deeper into the dream state that you let the reader enter.

    You have imagination and you show it:

    Drinking from the finest crystal
    Yet the vessel is only a gourd

    In the third stanza you show the vivid nature of your dreams and how the internal “madness” is expressed.

    The final stanza is very personal as the princess falls asleep…

    Your dreams are the beginning of sanity not the end. Bravo! To you and your masterwork!


  • Dalaney gold member
    February 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    show off...

    You know I love this.
    Love, Lane


    • Amera gold member
      February 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Lane

      Thanks, you make me smile. The goofy thing didn't give me a chance to give you little stars.


  • PerVirtuous
    February 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am promoting this. Best thing I have read all week. The artistry is magnificent the form and construction flawless. The meaning unmistakable. Love it completely.


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    February 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Forgot these

  • Soulful Woman silver member
    February 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You and all your styles...At least this is one I am familiar with.
    I happen to like this style very much and might surprise you and try it out..This give the work such a beautiful flow.
    The words did capture the picture very well.

    My mind is stolen by the night
    Persistent wisps of melancholy
    Lucid before the pillow called me
    I lay my head for nighttime rest

    I love those lines.
    Thank you for sharing such a beautiful piece
    Soulful Woman

1 - 24 of 24