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Unrequited love

as you lay there sleeping
i walk outside and begin weeping
for i know we will never be
that is very plain to see
your heart belongs only to him
though he would dump you on a whim
his heart is hollow his soul is bare
no one will ever find true love there
ive prayed and prayed that you would learn
and for something more begin to yearn
but love is blind, love isnt fair
and for the one who loves you, you show no care
yet you find yourself lost in a sea
and your only savior becomes me
my love for you is so strong
that i will wait, no matter how long
till it is finally clear
that i will always be here

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13
  • blaiyne
    March 29, 2007

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    I think this is a poem almost everyone can relate to. Very emotional and extremely well written. You've captured a very powerful moment in your writing. Good job man. Keep up the great work, and hang in there.

    Blaiyne


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    February 26, 2007
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    I like the write it was very good. Thank you for sharing this


  • Purush
    February 26, 2007
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    endless wait

    in love endless wait sells sweet
    good verse


  • panegyric ink
    February 25, 2007

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    This is so unique that it begs to be scanned over quite a few times as i have already!!! Overall, i really enjoyed the alliteration that seems to flow as naturally as any stream ever could!!!!


  • Buried in Black
    February 25, 2007

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    sweet, deep, I can connect with it so well. I loved it. romantic is amazing. great job. just one pet peeve of mine. the lower case I's sorry that's just personal, but I love it none the less


    • Azyatar
      February 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      sorry, I try to capitalize, but I wasnt thinking...and this was done originally as a freewrite practice...haha

      thanks though


  • Zombie-x
    February 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    as you lay there sleeping
    i walk outside and begin weeping
    for i know we will never be
    that is very plain to see
    your heart belongs only to him
    though he would dump you on a whim
    his heart is hollow his soul is bare
    no one will ever find true love there
    ive prayed and prayed that you would learn
    and for something more begin to yearn


    i love this sweetie!
    awesome job


  • Peteskid gold member
    February 25, 2007

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    unrequited love...

    poetry might have been born on the pen of such a person this writer pours out his heart to someone who won't be there... sad ... the writing is strong and this is an excellent piece here


  • Mountain of Light
    February 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    sad

    it seems to be in nascent form, but good job.


  • Debbysmiles gold member
    February 25, 2007
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    Very sad. Love that isn't equal on both sides just beats the heck out of us. Blessings. Debby


  • Deedeedeedee
    February 25, 2007

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    Great.

    Sad but beautifully written ~ I felt your pain in each line ~ great rhyme and flow ~ and vivid imagery of your love and your determination ~ a pleasure to read and review..Blessings..Dee


  • duana
    February 25, 2007
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    wow, amazing.


  • silent bee
    February 25, 2007

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    this is a very strong poem. i have been there, and it relates, which makes it so much better. my favorite part is the opening, and lines 13 & 14 : "yet you find yourself lost in a sea / and your only savior becomes me"...altho the whole thing was awesome. it flows well, the words fit, and i loved reading it. great job

1 - 13 of 13