A snowflake falling,
landed, and freckled your hair.
I am missing you,
my snow angel, on sunny days.
Kiss me, love, with frosted lips.
Author notes
My first attempt at Tanka form...I really liked how it came out. It's how a feel a lot of the time on sunny days, especially hot ones. If you can't tell, I enjoy cold days with clouds and even winter, except when it's windy and I have to go outside.
A contest entry
- poetry from the leaves of words by Nicolette.
700 points, ended March 3, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I like tis much potential some lovely lines welldone
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You did very well for a first attempt - now the ice is broken - well done. This one has a very nice feel about it and you did well with the transition in the 3rd line...many tanka poets struggle with that, but yours felt very natural. I think "a snowflake fell" would have been better than "falling" (1st line), but other than that - a lovely tanka.
Thank you so much for your entry.
~ Nicolette
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for a first attempt you did pretty good.... it has the potential to go on...
well done and many thanks for entering our contest
good luck too
G.x -
Beautiful..
Wonderful ~ and i just love ~ A snowflake falling,landed,and freckled your hair. especially
freckled your hair ~ great imagery~ a very worthy entry and a pleasure to review..Best of luck...Dee
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I LOVE IT! this was a great poem. short and sweet, and paints a very clear picture that is easy to create in your mind. every piece, every word, everything fits. good luck in the contest~
~b*e*e~
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