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[ What happend...to us?  ]

What happened...to us? 

 

 

 

Where did I go wrong? 

You were always there when I needed you most. 

All it took was one word to bring a smile to my face,

warmth to my heart, and peace to my soul.

I now look for you everywhere ,in everything my eyes see. 

Can't you hear the shattering of my heart?

Knowing you were meant for me yet, belonged to someone else. 

You follow a path I am forbidden to take. 

 

Where did I go wrong? 

For this seems so unfair, have I forced  you to leave?

Do you know the pain my heart carries?

or how I miss your sweet touch so? 

These feelings run so deep, a surreal fantasy I wish we could keep. 

My heart weighs so heavy it cannot continue to beat.

I cannot breathe,

for without your love I don't stand a chance. 

Memories of us keep me afloat .. my eyes withhold a small glimmer of hope. 

 

Where did I go wrong? 

What question did I get wrong on this test of our love?

Come back, finish this with me .. for only fate knows our destiny..

or how long our journey together would be.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • squeezy
    March 5, 2007

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    I like the sense of confusion

    You've created a great sense of confusion and hurt through your use of questions. It works really well to help us understand the feelings/ideas racing through the poem, without having to say 'I feel...' all the time.


  • Kurtis and Trista
    March 2, 2007

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    WOW EMOTIONAL

    WOW, i think thats all that I can say right now is just WOW! I really like this poem. It meant a lot to me. Thank you for entering my contest. i really enjoyed reading it. Thanks again, Trista


  • Adam Straker
    February 28, 2007

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    A touching glimpse into the painful world of human experience.
    It is very true, that sometimes we as people feel stripped of everything we once held dear (or seem dear to us in retrospect) and yet, having lost all of this, the only thing remaining is questions:
    "Where did I go wrong?"

    and in the case of lost love,

    "What happened to us?"

    Unfortunately, the human mind is so limited, that it can never properly explain why things happen, or why feelings change, and yet, we are cursed to endlessly ponder these very questions to which we can never gain satisfactory answers.
    I am sure there must be some kind of precedent for this in Greek Mythology.


  • One Eunique Pixie
    February 28, 2007

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    This is sad...and very emotional. A very good first try, the poem itself was not forced at all. I liked it alot. Thanks for sharing. Love and Peace, Charlene.


  • robert bolin
    February 27, 2007

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    The emotional out pouring of your heart.
    And your desire to reach this persons soul
    Is amazing -- though sad the words are beautiful
    Thank you for allowing me to read and comment on your work...

  • Liquid memories
    February 27, 2007

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    Beautiful with lots of love

    Its sad when things go sour, wrong and maybe you not knowing what happened or went wrong. You opened your heart here and shared it with us. I wish you all the best my friend and things will be better for you. Jules.


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    February 26, 2007

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    Come back, finish this with me .. for only fate knows our destiny..

    or how long our journey together would be...

    Just a great cry of the true love here bringing a kind of definate yearning and desire to have the lover back...it is so beautifuly stated in great heartfelt words which made it so strong poetry all the time... a great piece indeed...


  • Byepolar bare
    February 26, 2007

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    Deep

    I don't know if this was just your muse being stricken, or if you are this heartbroken, but the longing for that special someone is quite intense and your descriptions were so vivid that I could not help but keep reading like a 6 year old reads the latest isue of his favorite comic book. I have to say this, I am incredibly jaded when it comes to love, mainly because I can;t face my own feelings, but still this is at a level that strikes each chord of the mind and spirit that I feel is missing in a lot of poems and stories like this. By the way, semperfi mom, I hope you are proud of your son/daughter. Regardless of political views and ideas about the war, the military in general is a hard lifestyle. I used to be a hospital corpsman in the Navy. Your son/daughter (circle one) relies on my former colleagues to give him medical care both at home and in the field. Anyway, Great write!

  • Stand In Girl
    February 26, 2007

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    I asked the same question last night, it hurts so much to know you had someone once, to think you understoodthem, knew them, and to find out they were just betraying you for someone else. So you begin to think , to wonder- what did i say? when did (s)he stop caring? But in the end it's you who suffers sigh, and while they're out living their life your dying on the inside just wondering, doubting yourself. It's so sad


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    February 26, 2007

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    They do the wrong things for us we don't do anything wrong so don't feel as if you did. They apparently want to just leave or move on. Thank you for sharing this.


  • Sgt B
    February 26, 2007

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    The really sad part is:

    You don't have to do anything wrong. He did. & still you get the hurt & have to deal with the pain. God might have been saving you from more pain in the future by letting you go through this pain now. Time heals all. I know it's no help to hear now but i tried. Good read for lunch, thanx. Hope your days get better.


  • Sandygram
    February 26, 2007

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    Beautiful and Heartfelt

    Hello, This was one written from your heart. I could feel the emotion in your words. I could have written this myself as I am feeling the same longing for someone in my heart. But sometimes we have to accept it and move on. Easier said then done. I have my faith to get me through.You take care and I hope everything works out for you. Sandy


  • JeannieD Hunter gold member
    February 25, 2007

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    This is such a painful and heart-breaking write. I so hope it is not real for you. I just read your author page, so I hope this is made up! Great write.

    Jeannie


  • Sacrificial Love
    February 25, 2007

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    Deep sigh...

    the sad song of lost love...

    and you've penned it so beautifully....

    how can anyone turn their back on something like this?


    Heidi


  • Providence
    February 25, 2007

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    Hmmmmm... I've been in this kind of realtionship... The problem is just when you think you've aced the test...the rules change.

    Bravo!
    Marianne


  • Princess-Gloria
    February 25, 2007

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    Beautifully done baby sis .
    You have such a natural talent at penning
    I felt this one very much so.
    Memories of of us keep me afloat ..
    my eyes withhold a small glimmer of hope.
    Keep up the great writes
    your sis


  • JustFallingApart
    February 25, 2007
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    the writting was so pure and heart breaking,nice work


  • Debbysmiles gold member
    February 25, 2007

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    Very Sad

    This really broke myheart. Though I have not been here exactly, I loved and lost greatly and it stayed with me a long time.. Blessings. to you. Good write. Debby


  • StarEyes
    February 25, 2007

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    Heart Breaking!!!

    Oh Mom, The pain within these words is soooooooo real! One can feel every bit of it!! You did a great job on this one!! I think many of us can relat to the words that you have penned in this wonderful piece!! Keep that pen flowing!!

    Love ya,

    Nyetta


  • Endeavor gold member
    February 25, 2007

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    Excellent

    This is so heartfelt
    so rich in the words that matter

    I have felt it all
    I can almost feel my pain returning
    the emotion is so clear and apparent

    This is exceptional
    more for the meaning than for the form

    Rick


  • LadyUnique silver member
    February 25, 2007

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    this is very clear about the pain of loving someone who is not free, is with someone else... i've never been in that position and can only imagine the pain.
    i hope this write did you some good


  • moment liver
    February 25, 2007

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    I know this write all too well. suits me as of this week. a week ago I would have been telling you to hang in there and now I just know exactly where you are at. Dumped last wednesday. Don't know why.

    well, the world wont stop for any of us, so we best be moving along.

    see you aruond the deep end
    moment liver


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    February 25, 2007

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    This was so sad and so real..at least for me anyway. I know this feeling oh so well and it can break you on a daily basis. You mind becomes so consumed. This was beautiful. An exceptional description on a saddening situation.
    Soulful Woman

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