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Precision

Call it uncertainty
Call it a choice without reflection
Call it spontaneity
Call it hunger
Or passion
Or maybe love
Call it self-determination
Call it warm hands on a cold night
Call it a bitter tease
Call it incrimination

Take your left hand
Place it over your heart
Call that feeling aspiration
Take the chemicals bubbling through your nervous system
Call that feeling chemistry
Take the past surging through your brain
Wrapped around your spinal cord
Call that feeling a flash back
Take the bottle and position it downward
Call that feeling free at last
Free at last

Take the last leap
Call it faith
Call it spontaneity
Call it a choice without reflection
Call it uncertainty
Or just maybe

Precision

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • Piano Guy
    February 27, 2007

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    Good poem!

    What you have here is quite structured in its ideas... The only thing I would suggest is that, in the first stanza, take out the break in the "Call it...." Just say (in lines 5 and 6) "Call it passion / Call it love"
    I think it'd make your ideas come across just as effectively, and it makes the stanza generally more coherent. You have great words written here, and I have no problem with your choice of words or the message. Nice Job!


  • Laken
    February 26, 2007
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    I luff it!!!!


  • thelordreigns gold member
    February 26, 2007
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    Compelling

    You have captured a feeling of desperation with great precision. Nice job. - joanne


  • jane lane
    February 26, 2007
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    wow!

    this was really fantastic. i love the way you recall the first stanza in the last, and i love the way you found very fitting names for your descriptions. there's a lot of emotion here without it being rubbed in your face, or demanded of you. great job. thanks for sharing.

  • amellowtruthaddict
    February 26, 2007
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    bravo, this poem has more to it then leads on...u make it seem like u have batteled with drugs and lost...i could be wrong tho...anyway, it was well thought out and very well written, such decriptive words, great shit.


  • Violent Messiah
    February 25, 2007

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    This poem rocks! This piece really has a razor like cadence that acts as an undertow and makes you want to read. Great job.

  • unraveled
    February 25, 2007

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    Oh my god. This poem is so good. I love it to death. I am so sick of all the cliche poems on here and this is exactly what I wanted to read right now. I love the part "Take the bottle and position it downward/ Call that feeling free at last". Wow. This poem is amazing

1 - 8 of 8