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Ivy Like

Clinging as closely as
To a tree
Legs, arms, fingers, toes, palms
Entwine themselves
Tightly around me.

But, I do not fight
Brush away the touch
Or gasp for air
For it does not penetrate
But rests lightly there.

Like a layer of the same, I accept
Do not reject
The touch that binds
For it feels, feeds, lives, grows, protects
And does not suck dry the life it finds.

Clinging as closely as
To a tree
Legs, arms, fingers, toes, palms
Entwine
Tightly around me.

 


Author notes

'I read your rules of the contest because lovely little Krysta, I don't want to you to kill everyone for entering crappy poems'

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Under Construction
    July 9, 2007

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    This is a good poem....I love the way you used words to paint a picture in the minds of the readers...


  • ThisIsMyWonderland
    March 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    you followed the rules


  • Max Ritvo
    March 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Have you ever heard the Tom Waits song, Briar and the Rose? This poem struck the same chord with me- and that is certainly a compliment! I must say I prefer the first version better. Normally I'm all for florid- and your heavy word choice really doesn't bother me- in fact it is used to great affect in points of the poem.
    "Clinging tightly, unfamiliar limbs entwine." not only is a great visual- but is an aehsthetically appealing line- words like cling and limb being offset by sharp words like tight and almost bulky words like unfamiliar.
    My issue is, that in seems that in dredging up new expressions and images- you lose the fundamental image of the piece- the tree clinging to the ivy. You have several allusion to plant-like attachment but never once do you bring up the metaphor that, in the earlier piece- was the primary mover from which all of your attachment language flowered from.
    Might I suggest an experiment. Right the poem in the "opposite direction" It's obvious that your rewrite was geared at sophisticating the piece... but what if you tried reducing the actual content to JUST the image of the ivy and the tree. You don't neccesarily have to simplify the language... but solidify the content right down to the image- and have the allusions of attachment, painfulness, love- everything else in the poem, emenate from the core details of physical description. Then perhaps, in the final few lines of the couplet- you could more directly exhibit the larger meaning of the piece. That's just an idea you might like to toy around with.
    You are a talented writer- and I very much enjoyed both pieces. Thank you for sharing this piece.


    • swanridur
      March 24, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment and applause. I have to agree with you I prefer my first write. It's an interesting experiment but I don't really like the second piece. I guess I was trying to go for the more literal meaning but as you say in doing so I've lost the fundamental imagery. Thanks once again and i will try your suggestion. Glad to share and thanks once again. I look forward to reading you. SR


  • CookieZeal Greeters member
    March 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hi there and welcome to the site !

    This was well written overall.

    I would have used first person "I" minimally, and kept the lines with the verb. It would make it more unique.

    However, for the concept, I like the slant you take!
    Thank you so much for entering and sharing!

    • swanridur
      March 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      I appreciate your comment thank you very much. Can you be more specific about the use of "I"? I can only see one that I could take out. Also I've noticed on lot's of your critiques you suggest none or little punctuation. I've been having a discussion about this with someone who said it is crucial!!!!! It just goes to show how subjective poetry is, does'nt it? I think it's great, I'm all for continuing improvement........Thanks once again, and I'm having a brill time SR


  • wishintreeUK
    March 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Thank you for entering.

    A tastefully written, sensual piece of writing.
    the graphic you have chosen fits well with your poem, excellent flow.

    Well done and best wishes for the contest

    ~Katie~

    • swanridur
      March 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much Katie, I am having such a brill time since joining. the applause and best wishes are most appreciated. I've posted some more of my work if you'd care to look at that. SR


  • LionessK silver member
    February 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I can see how this fits the option you chose. I think you did a lovely job.. the picture is the perfect compliment to your words. I like this one. Thank you for entering the contest. Best of luck to you.
    welcome to the site.


    ~Kristy


  • raspberry Greeters member
    February 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    A quiet different piece, but am not sure if it really fall under Option 1. Probably, I'll have to read it again. thanks for the entry and good luck in the contest.

    • swanridur
      February 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Option 1

      Hello and thankyou for your welcome and encouragement. I must say I love AP and feel very inspired. I chose option one in the competition because of the close bond between the ivy and the tree (love) although not such a healthy one for the tree as the ivy is a parasite. I could see a parelle to this in relationships. One is often loved more than the other and someone who is extremely needy and 'clingy' can often destroy the very thing that gives their life meaning and enables them to grow. Thanks again. S

  • swanridur
    February 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    can you let me know what the extra word was that made you keep re-reading Ivy Like. I'm really interested. Thanks for commentingWink


  • cacoethes scribendi
    February 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Love it

    I had to re-read the first stanza like 7 times to not read an extra word into it. I love the imagery, and what this poem has to say. I particularly enjoyed the "and does not suck dry the life it finds."


  • Despairkitty
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I thought this was interesting. You had a lovely flow and you wrote this so well. The images were vivid!! Welcome to the site and I wish you luck in the contest.
    Despair


  • thelordreigns gold member
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    great metaphor

    I love this - it is well done - very sensual but very tasteful.

    Welcome to AP. I hope you find your time here as beneficial as I have. Keep writing - writing is life! - jo


  • Heavenly Angel silver member
    February 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice write! Thank you for sharing
    Please refer to the contest rules, though; your option number needs to be in the author's comment...I would hate for this to miss out on a possible trophy
    Welcome to AP; hope you are enjoying the site!

    • swanridur
      February 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you for refering me to contest rules!

      I am indeed enjoying the site......I have hardly been off it since joining! I've been looking for a community such as this all my life......brilliant. Thanks for the welcome and encouragement

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