The day fades, my heart beats fast,
The love I thought would always last.
Your stinging words slice through my heart,
Never knew a feeling worse than us being apart.
Vengeance is a game for two,
And I’ve thought my part right straight through.
Tired of every damn mind game you play,
Now it’s my turn to have a say.
You thought we were over but you were wrong,
Hear the phrase don’t go where you don’t belong.
You planned to trample but didn’t think it through,
Oh if you only knew.
I’m not your damsel in distress any longer,
Your heartbreak has only left me stronger.
On my own I can defeat the obstacle you left,
Being with you would only leave me bereft.
Hear the words I desperately scream,
People aren’t always as they seem.
You thought I was weak without you by my side,
But even you can’t take my pride.
A contest entry
- Invite Only by Frodofan.
425 points, ended March 7, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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happy *late* hoodwinking
!!yes a whole day late and no excuse !! ( I was swimming in the river....) Gr8 work on this poem anyways, you express your feelings really clearly in this poem, and it was interesting to read. Also, some of your phrasing was exceptionally well done, i enjoyed it, keep writing!
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Hood Wink
I've been through this feeling myself sweetie and although it's hard it's better to be away from the person who made you cry in the first place. If they are horrible to you or don't give you the right support they aren't for you. It sounds cliche but since I've made the mistake myself and felt that feeling then I know you shouldn't do that. Best wishes in growing and learning from the experience.
Stef
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You bring across so many feelings in this poem, and that is what I liked most about it, along with the well-done rhyme.
I think anger is a really powerful tool we each have...because anger is a secondary feeling (we always feel something else first, even if for only a fraction of a second ~ hurt, frustration, disappointment, whatever) it serves to give us the "fight" we need to keep hopelessness at bay. It's sad that so many of the people who were supposed to love us, instead treat love as if it is a disposable notion that need not be thought of as a responsibility. Love is an action, just as much if not more than, it is a feeling.
Keep that fighting spirit...it'll serve you well. Just don't let "imitation love" sour you on the real thing when you find it.
All the best,
~J.
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I decided to practice my scoring system on you guys. The highest you can get is 90.
Title - 8
Style - 7
Form - 7
Spelling - 10
Captivating - 9
Originality - 6
Reaction - 9
Makes sense - 10
Enjoyable - 8
Total = 74 -
Very powerful poem! Nice flow, with good rhyme, nicely written. Great poem about being dropped by someone and them thinking you wouldn't make it. Good that you are that strong!
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Wow, I love the feeling in this. Angry, powerful, and confident. It's really moving for me. Thanks for entering!
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