I hate my life- I hate my life- I hate my life
Pitter Patter goes the rain.
I hate my life- I hate my life- I hate my life
Tick Toc goes the clock.
I hate my life.
I want to die- I want to die- I want to die.
Bang Bang goes the drum.
I want to die- I want to die- I want to die.
Pow Pow goes the rifle.
I want to die.
I am hopeless- I am hopeless- I am hopeless.
Ring Ring goes the phone.
I am hopeless- I am hopeless- I am hopeless.
Ruff Ruff goes the dog.
I am hopeless.
Pitter Pater goes the rain.
Tick Toc goes the clock.
Pow Pow goes the rifle.
Ring Ring Goes the phone.
Ruff Ruff goes the dog.
My life in black-white- and soon to be red.
My favorite color.
A contest entry
- Scare Me....Seduce Me!! by B Chandler.
300 points, ended March 13, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *~-* The Passion of Red *-~* by Dragonsblood.
450 points, ended April 18, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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umm too monotonous to read with the repetition. the sounds are good but I really prefer them deeply written with language rather than anger..
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Wow.
The noises are so simly yet you pay attention to them at certain times. I loved it.
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I like the repetion and the sounds in this.
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I hate many things within my life, I can't just pinpoint the top ones, I'm afraid. Sad but true. Sorry you feel dark and desperate also.
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Different yet readable and easy on the eyes...loved the sounds...the pop pop and ruff ruff...very good imagery...read like a thriller....good job, good luck!
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Ummmm McDonalds Anyone?
Hmm...This isnt ur usual, but I liked it, simple and easy to follow...for once
A little ole simple minded person like myself can understand. Wonderful job again and best of luck in this contest. I love you!!
Always
Emily
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Very simple but very powerful. I love it. The end is really good: "My life in black-white- and soon to be red. My favorite color." Your writing style is very powerful and makes the reader sit back and think, whoah. All the little sounds in the poem also add up the tension for the poem
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hmm it's very interesting. it's different and that's what makes it good.
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Wow. I really, really like this. It's different, but those differences are what make the poem stronger. The form really suits what's being said. It is sad, but there is something about the presentation that makes it hit harder than your typical sad poem. The way everything comes together at the end is quite powerful.
Great write - good luck in the contest!
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