Entranced by her shining mirror,
Marveling at her own reflection,
Other souls are all inferior,
To her spotless proud perfection.
Envy witnesses her strut.
She'd kill to gain half of Veign's pride.
An anger kindeled in this skut,
Gives birth to Wrath, too strong to hide.
Wrath runs about with eyes so mad,
Contempt replacing love not had.
A vicious grin plays on his face;
He kills just to feel his heart race.
A lust for blood slowly evolved,
To lust all pleasure, Wrath resolved.
He never knew that love existed.
Soon in his thoughts greed was intwisted.
Greed shouts aloud "I MUST HAVE MORE!"
He gluts himself, he gluts galoure.
He gluts himself, until he's huge;
Can't lift himself, now he's Sloth's stuge.
He lays, and rots for he's near numb,
And wastes forever as a bum,
He lays, and lays, day after day,
His pain shall never die away.
I watch this cycle in the mirror.
Am I really so superior?
I do hate they who have more.
Am I my own anger's slave whore?
Do I lust, but never love?
I do hold my greed above.
I do glut me till I'm numb.
I'll die a sprawled out slothing bum.
Author notes
I read the rules,
and I chose option 2.
<3 mary
A contest entry
- 7 Deadly sins by shattered logic.
505 points, ended March 16, 2007, 34 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Wonderful!
I can see why you won 2nd place! Awesome job!
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grazie!
im glad you enjoied it!
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Congrats on silver your piece was awesome, I knew after reding your piece it would end up in the top 3 so again great write and thanks for entering!!!!
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Well written, this had a very nice flow to it, the whole piece just flowed out of my mouth.
You captured and portrayed all seven sis very well, It has a very deep and provoking message which I like.
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Entranced by her shining mirror,
Marveling at her own reflection,
Other souls are all inferior,
To her spotless proud perfection.
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My favorite part!! good job and good luck!!! -
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thank you very much
This contest was challenging and fun! I had a very good time writing for it! Yes my first stanza seems to be a public favorite. wich works out well for pride would be..um padrden the pun but..proud of it lol. And her pride spauns the rest of the seven deadly sins, and the rest of this poem for that matter. thanks for the comment!
~Mary
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Just so deep and powerful, the pain, death and everything, just like me, afraid and scared...
And still killing....
How many people can relate to this...
It's like words and lines from a book
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thanks
thanks antonio im glad you enjoied it =P
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what an amazing concept to write about.
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why thank you,
It was for a contest, and I had alot of fun writing it!
-Mary
PS. spiffy face pic!+
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Damned good read! And what a message! Guard against becoming the ugly things you look upon, sorta. I MUCH enjoyed this, thank you for the post, good luck!
Rick -
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WOOT!
Thanks Rick! I'm so happy you enjoied my work!! This was for a contest I saw yesterday or the day before (to tell you the truth my weekend was a sleepless blur) lol well any way there was only 7 hrs left to enter it so I had to write it and enter on the same day. lol
thanks for the comment!
rock on rick man
-Mary -
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You write well under pressure, then. MUCH enjoyed, deep message skillfully delivered. Thank YOU for the post, as I said.
Live LARGE!
Rick -
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ok fine I give up
your welcome rick
lol
rock on
mary -
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Hahaha! Such wisdom for one so young!
Be Well, Dear poet,
Live LARGE!
Rick -
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thanks rick!
=D
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Critcism.
A great idea but not including actual content/form etc:
Veign's <- I assume you mean 'vanity'?
An anger kindeled in this skut,
^- looked up the word 'skut' and got:
a metallic-gray mineral, typically forming cubic or octahedral crystals, consisting chiefly of an arsenide of cobalt and nickel.
gluts <- Not a verb.
galoure. < mis-spelling
intwisted. <- in-twisted
stuge<- not a word. -
this rocks!
omg i love it. this is so much better than mine, what are you talking about? I LOVE this part:
Entranced by her shining mirror,
Marveling at her own reflection,
Other souls are all inferior,
To her spotless proud perfection.
God, this poem is awsome! I love it the way you turned the sins into people, thats so creative! It must have taken you FOREVER to write this!
good luck in the contest? like you need it, your so going to beat me.
PS LOVE this poem!
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im glad you enjoied it samcuy!
it's realy no were near as good as your entry tho
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