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Please O Please

Missing image

Please O please let me in
I’ve been out here so long
Waiting behind your door
Please hear me when I call
I crouch upon the floor

Please O please let me in
I’m not to be ignored
I know that you are mad
I’m here outside the door
It’s never been this bad

Please O please let me in
Forgive me, I’ll be good
I’m out here all alone
Can’t wait out here much more
I beg you, hear my moan

Please O please let me in
I only meant you well
I’m waiting can’t you see?
Now please get off the throne
I really have to pee

 

 

 

Author notes

Monchielle style

The Monchielle is a poem that consists of four five-line stanzas where the first line repeats in each verse.  Each line within the stazas consist of six syllables, and lines three and five rhyme. The rhyme pattern is Abcdc Aefgf Ahiji Aklml.

The Monchielle form was created by Jim T. Henriksen.

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24
  • KomodoDragon
    March 2

    Edit | Reply

    A slice of clever pie. Homemade. Very tasty.

    I can't imagine how many different formal styles there are out there. I look forward to getting to know them all. Most likely reading your work, by proxy. You seem to be a poetic gymnast.

    So, I have yet another thing to to master. Though, for now, as I'm sure many do, I bow down to you.


  • echo-ink
    June 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    This is getting ridiculouly hard, the more they come, the funnier they git

    can anyone explain to me HOW am i suppose to pick ONE GOLD.???? OMG what to do, what to do????


    • PerVirtuous
      June 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Easy. Get out the undies you were wearing and compare the size of the spot. Bigger spot wins.


      • echo-ink
        June 18, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        bigger spot wins ??? good solution, and what, pray tell are you going to do when your standing there washing my nasty undies ???

        Unless of course someone else wins, should prove to be interesting


  • moonling
    February 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wicked ending, cheers for the laugh!


  • HeavensDaughter
    January 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the surprise ending in this. It made me laugh. Humor is so important to get by in life.

    Great write and very enjoyable to read.


  • Earthmagick
    September 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    That's funny. Thanx for entering my contest. And for making me laugh. ~ Aurora


  • Timeless Wisdom silver member
    May 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    WOW!!

    I am absolutely awestricken..this is a WONDERFUL poem and absolutely great form. To say the truth..i was reading through this poem and was like "Okay...this poem SOOOO does not meet the requirements" ... and then I read the last line...GREAT HUMOR WRITE!!! Keep penning. Thanks for your entry

    ~Ray~

    PS: Please do not respond to this comment as this is an anonymous contest ...please wait until the contest is over for any replies. Thanks A Million


  • Starhiker
    March 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Very good

    poem, and a good first attempt on a Monchielle, Amera. I felt your desperation throughout the poem, needing to get through the door, but I didn't expect that ending. I only noticed one fault, and that is the number of syllables in the third line of the last stansa, which is one too much... "I’m desperate can’t you see?" could instead be "I’m waiting, can’t you see?", as "desperate" has three syllables. I know it's sometimes pronouced with two, as in "desp'rat". Same thing with "every" which many pronounce "ev'ry"... Do that little fix, and it will be purr'fec! You get two applauses for this one, as it is a great first attempt. Just count once more next time.


    • Amera gold member
      March 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Your critiques are wonderful! Thank you so much.


  • Lysithea
    March 15, 2007

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    I liked the ending and the way it was written but I didn't find it very funny. It was cute to add that last line but that's all. Well done.

    Thank you and good luck.

    †Nicole.


  • Ishtar
    March 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    That's a great way to end. I was thinking of the comment I was going to make when I first read it: "Um, I think this individual entered the wrong contest."

    But then I read the end.
    Well, nice form and everything. I'm always envious of those who can do something really neatly, organised in structure. However, is this funny? Well, it did make me smile....

    Thank you for entering.
    -Reni


  • mysticstorm gold member
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    LOL, loved it! The ending my dear hits home so well. Get of the damn throne for we are all in need and so much the same. Forgivness should come naturally for those we care about, sad to have to beg for it in need.
    Lovely write and love the ending!

  • Eulb kcalB
    February 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    awesome...lol


  • Dalaney gold member
    February 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    lol...this is what I needed to read I've been sick with the flu since Thursday, and I swear to God, I thought I would never laugh again! Thanks, my friend. Love, Lane


  • Never Fall in Love
    February 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    LOL
    The last line caught me offguard
    hmm... Monchielle
    I haven't heard of this one yet
    And I haven't reached that far in all your poetry forms
    and as I said earlier today
    You're a genius
    It's amazing how you know so many forms
    And I'm struggling to learn just one
    Wow .. this really is good
    Obviously, a lot of thought was put into this
    Even the picture matched perfectly
    awesome job



    NeveR ♥


  • JohnnyD gold member
    February 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am intrigued by how many forms of poetry you know.

    This one gave me a real smile...hey, all she had to do was to call me or knock on my door and...problem solved. and it also brought back some other memories of the past.

    For about 40 some years I was what is know psychologically as a 'rescuer', of women that is.

    and to say I was good at it was an understatement, however 'rescuing' someone and 'loving' someone is wholly different. And once it was pointed out to me my life changed dramatically. And now, especially, I'm as content as a bear who fell asleep in a honey pit. JD


  • February 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Charming!

    I don't know where I am going with your poetry. Until the cliffhanger untill the end. This is a very charming poem... Princess, you are so special.


  • hoodoolover silver member
    February 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Awesome!

    Wow yet another form I hadn't seen before. This is really amazing, I was sucked right into an emotionally ripping scene only to burst out in laughter at the surprise ending, well done!!!!


    • Amera gold member
      February 24, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      LOL, that is what the photo reminded me of.

  • PerVirtuous
    February 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I don't believe you have used the secret knock. You know the rules! I'm shaving and unless you use the secret emergency knock, I can keep on shaving. Three bunnies who are impressed as hell at the writing and laughing hysterically and do you know why?


    • Amera gold member
      February 24, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Oh, secret knock... I forgot that.

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