Aside From Alone

The timing is cruel
The feelings are thick
I'm trying to duel
What's been making me sick
The difference between
What's wrong and what's right
I keep lashing out
Yet there's nothing to fight

Feeling so lost
And yet knowing my place
There's nothing to fight for
My efforts disgraced
I'm straining to see
Through this bitter discord
My heart has grown raw
From the holes being bored

Through the tenderest flesh
Through such genuine soul
Though the fighting is futile
I somehow feel whole
And I somehow feel loved
Though those lies to my face
Like the clearest of crystal
Have shown me no trace

Not one single ideal
Nor a modicum of hope
But I keep coming back
Up this treacherous slope
I keep clawing away
Though my flesh it has torn
My fingernails gone
My fingertips worn

In this world far away
From the warmest of homes
It's so hard to feel anything
(Aside from alone)
But because I am blind
With no help from above
I will let myself sink
Gladly drown in this love

I don't know if it's real
If I look like a fool
If I seem like a clown
If you're just being cruel
If my efforts have fallen
Upon a blind heart
Just a means to an end?
Just your pawn from the start?

I will live through this ache
I won't cry from the pain
I won't lament this absence
Or scream out at the rain
I won't tell you this thing
That eats at my soul
I'll just sit here and wait
Till I'm nothing or whole...