My world, much like this notebook, is falling apart.
Not that it was extravagant to begin with
it is just worn and tattered.
.....I need a cigarette.
--------------------------------------------
I’m worried, the knot in my stomach is way past tight.
It’s hard to breath.
Feels like I’m swallowing sandpaper.
...I need a drink.
____________________________________
My knot has enlarged into a blob.
It twists and turns,
making it impossible to sleep,
....eating was long out of the question.
But the entity in my gut is still bearable
...barely.
.....I’m now a chain smoker.
-----------------------------------------------------------
There’s a new addition to my list of
torments.
There’s music playing in my head.
Except it’s backward and
playing at high speed.
I’m considering drilling a hole in my head.
Any help offered would be greatly accepted.
...drugs no longer work.
-------------------------------------
It’s progressed,
The once, small tightening in my stomach,
has become a black hole that envelops me.
I cannot focus, cannot think.
My brain pulls in all directions.
Static in all my thoughts.
I’m like a carwreck that I’d love, to pull my eyes from.
But my eyes are fixed on me.
And my elegant downward spiral.
It’d be safe to say that I’m beyond help.
------------------------------------------------------
Something happened.
Something clicked.
It built.
I took it ‘till I couldn’t take anymore.
I pushed.
Held on.
Let go.
I bobbed....my head going above and under water.
I struggled to breathe.
I breathed too much.
-------------------------------------------------
Whatever I had before is gone.
I lost it.
It left me in my implosion,
of epic proportions.
It’s amazing that an inanimate object
such as myself is capable
of intellectual thought.
Maybe I’m not.
Maybe I’m just kidding myself.
.....smoking kills.
--------------------------------------------
I’ve decided to leave.
Run away from this place that
is slowly draining what little life is left.
...cliché.
I will leave...
I will cease to matter.
....I’m joining the world of The Gutter people.
Author notes
option 1 (A or C). They both seem to fit..
A contest entry
- Choke Me Constrict Me Annihilate Me by PurpleAnarch.
800 points, ended July 5, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything by Fitz1901.
750 points, ended July 22, 2008, 59 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 4 Options with Sub Options! Have a Blast! :) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended August 26, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think. Its written in the form a journal..
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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awww this makes me feel terribly sad, sorry that you know of this pain. I love how you separate things but you kind of keep them together. I love your metaphor of being torn like a book. I know that feeling all too well.
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wow
very clean and smooth. this wasn't as rough and thrown together like some of the other poems i read. very nice. keep it up
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this is very nice. i love the form of it, and the raw emotion littered over what seems to be but a moment in a life. the feelings in it are easily identified with, and the whole thing just draws you in. i loved the first lines as well.
"My world, much like this notebook, is falling apart."
reminds me of my notebooks filled with ramblings and ravings and rantings, none of them worth shit in my opinion, certainly not good enough to post... but id kill anyone who touched them. id be sooo unhappy if anything happened to those tattered spiral bound notebooks. this was lovely, thank you.
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very non original...I liked it, and i think it is very unique your style here thanks for entering
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Different! The gutter people. Hm!
^_^
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Oooh, this was definitely a different poem. But I really liked it. It had a lot of meaning to it and held so much power. A very captivating piece :]
"I’ve decided to leave.
Run away from this place that
is slowly draining what little life is left."
Amazing lines. Full of deep emotion. Thanks for entering :] <3
Oh;; and could you please put the option number in your Authors notes? thanks !
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WOw, this is different. Good job and way to think out of the box, you really took the thoughts of an addict. Da du du du du.,...I need ______, great job, and interesting thoughts
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This started out really strong, and kind of faded into something with a lot of potential and meaning behind it, but I think you could have made it stronger still. It's good, honest, and heartfelt. I like how you wrote it in stanzas, it's broken up nicely, has a good rhythm, and it flows very nicely. Good job, good luck, and thanks for the entry.
All my love, Dxd -
Wow- this was really powerful. I especially loved the title and form of this poem that make it unique and enticing to read. Excellent excellent- Thanks for entering it in the contest!
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Wow, incredible, very thought-provoking write. This really had a very grasping, almost addictive quality to it (perhaps because I seem to relate). Anyway, masterfully written. I especially loved the unique style, really adds to the affect. Well done!!!
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very nice. i really enjoyed it! good luck!
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(This kind of more than doubles the line limit)
I like the thoughts here.
In line forty-five:
"‘till" should be either "till" or "'til"
Thank you for your entry,
Good luck! -
wow...
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Wow... thats all i have to say wow i can definatley relate check me out sometime you might like my peoms im not sure...
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Intesne imagery portrayed in this penning dear poet and the stark words creatw a wonderful flow and the also stark background so compliments the piece. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *
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Very deep, dark and certainly portrays the life of someone being addicted to some vice, no matter what. Liked the form you used here and the message you convey.
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wow this is such a deep and dark write. you really put so much impact and power intothis piece. I love the structure if it, I found that it added impact and emotion to the poem and also made it easier it read as it is so long.
greatr write.
thanks for entering adn goodluck -
I really like the format of this poem, with all the sections broken up.. it def. adds intensity and stronger emotion to your poem. This entire thing was beautifully written, with simple contexts worded in an extravagent way. Great job and good luck in the contest.
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wow
this is beautiful in its darkness. and terible in it's truthfulness even on the chance that this only took place in your head, it still happens to people every day. I can realy connect with the knot in your stomach, that turns into a beast that eventualy consumes you. I've been there. this is a wonderful peice of poetry.
~mary
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Wow. That was shocking. I might shwo this to someone that needs it. Great job.
xoxo,
Annie -
Well Dear Dear Steph I love this it seems so much like my life it ain't funny. But I can't wait until you put something new up. And Yes This white boy can write, it ain't about trying to write something it's just easiest to let you true feelings flow. and yes I need a cigarette. Thank you very much.
Love Jordan -
Hmmm
Well...this certainly an interesting poem. I like the form that you chose to put this in. While on the surface it appears disconnected, I like how everything plays into eachother. Not a bad first poem to post. I hope that you continue to innovate in your writing style and that you write as much as you will learn. Keep up the writing and don't let anyone pass judgment on your poetry. You show some pretty awesome potential.
Aaron
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