We were having breakfast with a woman friend. My daughter thought it would be an opportune moment to embarrass me.
"You should have seen the look on my dad's face the time I asked him what an orgasm is. He turned white and made the most funny expression. Much like that one."
They both turned and looked at me laughing. I simply looked back at them over my coffee.
"He didn't really want to answer, but he gave me the nut-job version."
I tried valiantly not to spit coffee across the table. "What?" I looked at her intently for thirty seconds trying to ascertain what she was saying.
"Do you mean nut-SHELL version?"
"Yeah. The short version."
"Mhm." I was once again able to swallow coffee! "Well, you might as well give her the nutshell version."
"He said that it was like a sneeze that involved every muscle of your body, including some you don't even realize you have."
We laughed at the innocence of the comment. Then they both got this look on their faces as if they were looking inward to imagine what that would feel like. I just felt the coffee warming my insides.
"How about that weather!" I said...
Author notes
True story
In a list
A contest entry
- MY FIRST CONTEST--MAKE ME PEE MY PANTS. JOIN IN THE FUN by PoeticLove.
600 points, ended June 24, 25 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Very funny, 40 lashes coming
right your way, 1 -
If a sneeze is an orgasm, I'm stocking up on pepper,,,ooffaahh!!!
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just perfect
all i did was look at that picture laughed and knew i was in for a treat
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Now let me try ... WINK WINK
An orgasm is the miniscule refrain of the exultation I would feel on that exact moment when I finally re-unite with God in perfection of sacredness and of adorative joy.
Do not quote me. This is highly personal.
Love
Always Myra
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You are so sensual.
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Haha
I said: do not quote me
Not even back to me. -
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That was a quote? Who knew?
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Man Alive...(smile)
That's some powerful sneeze! Remind me to wear my
depends...
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Awesome!!
That was hilareous!!! Perfect timing for that little slip! I'm gonna remember that for a long time... -
WOW I would have hated to be in your shoes at that moment! LOL!! This really puts a smile on your face and it was sweet and funny. True stories are always the funniest in my book. Great Write!
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I concur! Thanks.
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this is adorable. how old is your daughter?
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She's eleven going on thirty-two.
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cute I like this
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This piece tickled me and I can visualize it quite well in my mind. Your ability to tell a story as if it is a poem is amazing. You let my imagination fill in the blanks: brilliant! It must be a parental confusionality; change the subject!
Love, Amera
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My daughter has the tendency to try to help me find love. Her attempts, no matter how transparent, awkward, or off base are always sincere, so they seem to work even when they backfire. Go figure. Did you get the memo? Thanks for the comment.
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TOO FUNNY....
I had an occassion that was embarressing with my daughter... she was about 4 years old, and she and here three year old sister went through a "nudey booty" phase. They were running around the house naked and I had to run some cash to my then husband at work. My four year old couldn't find her underwear and I was running late so I told her just to hurry up and put on her pants since we wouldn't be gone long.
Well, Dad decided he wanted to take all his ladies to lunch. I forgot all about the fact that Jaymie was wearing no underwear.
The friendly little sunshine that she is, she begins to strike up conversation with a lovely middle aged woman at the table next to ours. Imagine my horror when she bust out and said "I don't have any panties on".
I wanted to crawl under the table.
Then...everything came into perspective when this lovely woman put her hand on Jaymie's little hand and calmly said "It's okay dear, I don't have any on either".
WHA??????
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I got the memo... it was commando day. Get with the program, mom! Ha ha ha. Thanks for the comment.
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Awwwww.....
Sitting here with a smile, I can only imagen how you felt... It is very sweet...
Elmarie
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Roses on Fire is a joy to behold, even when she makes me want to climb under the table and pretend I am not there. Thanks for the comment.
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Hold on... Hold on...
Hold on... Hold on... this is a very funny... Hold on... Hold on... poem, kids say the... Hold on... Hold on... most honest questions... On no.... Ahh.. Ahh.. Ahh.. Cute po... AAAACCCHHHUUU!!!! poem... sorry I sneezed! lol
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Now take one step up one rung of the ladder and do the real thing. I know you can... thanks for the comment.
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