He shakes as he stands,
Slitting his wrists
The redness runs to his hands,
As he clenches his fists.
A cold chill slides down his spine,
The razor glistens in the sunlight,
As it creates a new line;
Mixed emotions he has to fight.
Family, friends and the like,
All seem to be against him.
They're words hurt alike,
Slicing his every limb.
The pictures he has drawn,
The words he has written down,
The thoughts from his head have gone
Turning his smile to a frown.
A rope over the tree he throws,
On the end a noose he has tied.
The thoughts of suicide grows,
To his friends and family he has lied.
Over his head he loops the noose,
He takes his stand on a metal bucket
Ready to end his life of no use
He kicks the bucket muttering, "F*ck it!"
He falls, the rope tightens,
Choking he thinks he's done,
His mother he frightens,
She runs over to save her son.
The next day is so dark to him,
He can't take it, he just can't.
Staring at the scars on his limb
He mutters out a suicidal chant.
On the floor tipped over lies
An almost empty bottle of black rum.
His head spins and pounds as he cries,
Wobbling to the washroom his head now numb.
He sees his reflection in the mirror,
He swallows some pills on a whim.
The light seems to get nearer,
He wakens with paramedics bent over him.
For two days, no less and no more
He spends in the hospital room,
Very few enter through his door,
He lies in bed in grim and gloom.
His parents are perplexed
About their son's dejected state.
They do not know what to do next;
Can they help him before it's too late?
He hates his pathetic peers,
They are all conceited and vain.
Lying and covered in tears
He asks, "Won't you stop my pain?"
Deciding to try to take his life once more,
To end it for once and for all.
To make sure he'll pass through Death's door,
He conceives a self-created downfall.
He makes his way outside; it's pouring rain,
He stumbles to the tracks and hears a scream.
He is blinded by the lights of the train
The moment he's hit he wakes from his dream.
He suddenly rises, reaching out, gasping for air,
Dropping down as his heart beats.
He recovers from the life like nightmare,
Between both of his sweat soaked bed sheets.
Silently to the garage he makes his way.
Placing the key in the cars ignition and turns,
It roars to life; it runs though it stays.
Exhaust fills the room as the toxic fuel burns.
He chokes and gasps for fresh air,
Coughing he slips slowly to the ground.
Quietly before blacking out he utters a prayer,
Hoping he perishes before being found.
Outside no one is aware of this tragedy in the making,
They all carry on with their lives completely unaware,
That Death's close, waiting for a life that's up for taking,
Ready to swing his scythe and from a body it's soul tear.
A passer-by notices something unusual as she looks to see,
Sickly looking smoke slipping slowly from under the door
Of the garage where Death is waiting patiently.
She runs over pulling up the door and letting smoke pour.
Inside she daringly searches for any bodies or signs of life,
Even though she too is being choked by the toxic fumes,
Though being ventilated were still quite rife.
Her eyes burn as she spots a body slumped near a few brooms.
The light hurts as it gets stronger and brighter
Blurry figures move slowly and muffled sounds seep in
The light fades and the sounds stop as the darkness gets tighter.
A cold chill overcomes his body and psychosis creeps in.
Into a coma he slips,
Monitored day in and day out.
His mother sits biting her lips,
Wondering what brought this about.
Tears run down the faces of those
Who see him hooked up to machines keeping him alive.
The doctors say his chances aren't good as time goes,
They can't quite say whether or not he will survive.
The days turn to weeks which turn months and almost a year,
Many people come to visit him and talk to him.
Even though they are not sure if he can hear,
Their words so strong, so meaningful and so prim.
In his altered state of consciousness he is alone,
Inside his mind things are so black and bleak,
His body is as if it was carved from stone,
His limbs are nothing but weak.
He fights to set himself free,
To break the bonds that hold him.
Soon he finds he is able to see
Everything around in the light so dim.
Words fall out of his mouth as he tries to speak,
He is confused feebly attempting to respond
To all that is around him but is too weak
To talk or understand all near and beyond.
Time seems to tick by unbearably slow
As rehab, counselling and pills,
Help him and let him show
That he can climb over many hills.
To his dismay he is made aware
Of gifts, flowers, balloons and cards,
Showing that many people care
About him in their kind regards.
He has visits from many a person,
Who embrace him and would like to see
His condition to improve, not worsen;
His life be rid of dark depressing debris.
He spends many days thinking,
Reflecting, searching, pondering
Thoughts and memories begin linking
Particulars as his mind continues wandering.
Breaking forth from the bonds of depression,
He basks in the light of life.
Swarmed with questions he pours forth confession
About all his thoughts and strife.
It feels as if a heavy burden has been lifted,
As if a covering has been removed from his eyes.
The dark from around him has drifted,
And he is freed from all of societies lies.
He has become a changed man this very day,
Ask him and he will say, "That I am."
He now works to help all those he may,
With his genuine advice that's not a sham.
He continues his work among the down,
The lonely and the broken hearted;
The depressed and those not from town.
With these people healing has started.
Many of his old friends can't believe
That he's the same person from years ago,
The one that was downcast and would perceive
Life as useless like a demented Freak Show.
Now he always has a smile on his face
Like a mother after her child's birth.
Now he knows his perfect place
Upon this planet we call Earth.
He likes to think that he has helped so much,
That he himself has helped to save
The lives of those he could touch
With the story of his close encounters with the grave.
His stories captivate and inspire the masses,
To become better people to each other,
To stop placing people in 'classes',
And to get to know and to help one another.
And so his life goes on for the better,
He knows life isn't perfect,
So don't take things letter by letter,
Just realize what has affect.
Walking down the street many years later
His hair is all but a thin silver wisp,
His skin sagging, but his strength greater,
"Good morning sir," he says with a lisp.
"Morning, Vito," says the stranger walking on.
He stops so as to ask how he knew his name,
But to his surprise the stranger is gone,
Like a paper placed in a flame.
The next day his heart fails him,
So pounces on him his biggest fear.
His chance of survival is looking slim,
He draws his family near.
"Good-bye those I adore,"
He whispers with his last breath.
Who was the stranger from before?
It was no other than Death.
Author notes
I am a very anti-suicidal person. This poem is meant to be anti-suicidal and to show that life is worth living even if things seem like it's not. It also shows that life is short so make the most out of it and make a difference.
This poem is now officially my longest poem and took me over a span of eight months to complete. I am happy that I have finally finished it.
Note: Vito is an Italian name for life.
A contest entry
- 5 options for the creative poet (9) by bananasfoster42.
575 points, ended February 27, 2007, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options For All, I Want Emotions! by okadadokie.
550 points, ended March 20, 2007, 40 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Everything deserves a chance, right? by ObliviousReality.
600 points, ended April 8, 2007, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My First Contest by fallenangel671.
800 points, ended May 6, 2007, 94 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Suicide - make it stop! by reinhardt-napoleon.
750 points, ended May 11, 2007, 36 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Stories in verse by inspired torture.
450 points, ended October 13, 2007, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments are always appreciated
Comments
1 - 60 of 60
-
Amazing
Hey there
I'm not sure whether I've already commented or not... However you won a trophy in one of my contests a while ago, but I recently just read it again and it stilled flashed me. The end is awesome. I love how this guy always tries to end his life in a kind of pathetic way, and when he realizes life is worth living...well. Yes I guess one gets the gist that this is anti-suicidal. Keep this up, great poet, this is one of the most amazing poems I have ever ead and will probably ever read, I am so glad to know and always remember it.
Thank you (your 8 months have been spent well)
Kudos
RN
-
what more can one say?!
-
sadly this happens to many times these days. with all the while trying to die when other will stop them. no matter what they will always live on is what they dont get because they will live on in memories.
Marin -
This poem tells a very sad yet inspiring story. It is very well penned. You have obviously put a lot of effort into this.
-
first impresions arent anything
first impression: i dont wanna read this...its too long...why should i read this...sucide is an answer, but its not always the right one... if this is stupid, I WILL KILL MYSELF...
i guess first imprssions arent everything..i like the end the most, its really...so...awesome... this is kinda random but i...in the beggining i was listening to enemy within by arch enemy and then i changed the song to revolution begins by arch enemy...
i would accept death if it came to me... if i was like dying i guess ill rush to it...
i dont know what else to say...i love it soooo much... -
this is very long but amazing. a few years ago i finially decided this world and my family would be better off without me. i was stupid and still regret wasting time being like that. i have changed and now im happier than ever. i volunteer whenever and wherever i can hoping one day i may be able to help someone. thankyou so much for not just entering my contest but writing something this beautiful. good luck!
-
While there were some places in this poem that almost felt forced, they dodged such a terrible cliche. The rhyme and story seem very much to enjoy sharing their spotlight, which is something I rarely see and am never able to do.
On the subject of your poem, it started out like any depressed teen poem, and I was fairly surprised, and pleased, to find it was a character development poem instead of a suicide note. You've managed to capture the emotion of a suicidal teen AND raise out of it rather nicely, congrats!
-
Thank you for entering my contest
My, my! What a lengthy bit 
It was an inpiring theme, and well-thought out, imho.
Nice imagery, word usage, and conveyance of situation.
My only real critisim is that it seems rushed in alot of diffrent places.....theres not really any flow, and that hurts a poem.
Job well done
-
-
Thanks for the comment. I know what you mean, and it wasn't that easy to make it perfect. I may one day add more and fix it up and make it flow better but for now I don't have the time like I used to.
-
-
i loved this poem and i thought it suited the option well i espically loved the part
He shakes as he stands,
Slitting his wrists
The redness runs to his hands,
As he clenches his fists.
A cold chill slides down his spine,
The razor glistens in the sunlight,
As it creates a new line;
Mixed emotions he has to fight.
Family, friends and the like,
All seem to be against him.
They're words hurt alike,
Slicing his every limb.
this was an awesome part of the poem and i thought it suited the option well and i enjoyed reading it,
good luck in the contest
keep writing
~Ashley~<3 -
It helps
If the person(s) judging said contest like your work...and you could be so gracious as to accept the advice instead of sounding like a frumpish bitch about it. Just a tip. If a judge offers criticism on a piece, accept it, instead of making fun of it. Because when you do, it just makes you look like an ass.
Now onto the poem.
I have to agree, that all of the wording seems, a little...off. It's not horrid, but it's definitely not the best that could have happened either. Maybe it's just your style...Whatever. It could have been less repetitive in some places. You talk about hanging, and cutting, and various other things...I don't understand why it doesn't work sooner...I mean...How hard is it to kill yourself? And yes...Btw, I do know what I'm talking about. I am bipolar, more with hypo depression...Not so much the mania, and earlier in life, I wanted to end mine. So don't pull the you don't know how I feel. I'm not saying this is a bad poem, but I think you're being a little rude to my friend(s) when you act like you're tough shit on your comments to a judge. Btw...If you piss them off, you won't win. -
-
Thanks for the comment and if I came of as a "frumpish bitch" I apologize I did not mean to. Also if you all think I was making fun of your advice and not accepting it I am afraid I didn't mean to come off like that. Ok I do understand that the wording is off and I will see what I can do about it. How hard is it to kill yourself? Easy. Why doesn't he just blow his head off? Well your missing the point obviously. Ok you know what your talking about and that is good I like it when people know what they are talking about. Care to know a little about me? I suffer from clinical depression along side partial epilespy. I refuse treatmeant for the depression for my own personal reasons and the partial epilepsy is newer and it is still being treated and looked in to. I had a crappy childhood with abuse and violence, yelling, screaming, fighting and hate. I found out things in the past year I knew nothing about, about my oldest brother who I used to look up to. I am not saying well hey I have it worse than you or as bad. I am just saying that I know where I am coming from and what I am talking about as well. Perhaps you don't agree but that then is your descision and opinion and I respect that. I am sorry if I can off a bit rude so I apologize and I wasn't acting "tough shit" and if it came across that way it wasn't supposed to so again I apologize. I don't think I will win, I would like to but I doubt it. I thought, "Hey I'll enter it and see what happens and get some more feedback so I can better myself as a poet." And you have all given me feedback and honest feedback at that and so I thank you all.
-
-
First off, as a judge I HATE when there are a billion contests listed on top of the current ones. Some of those are well past judging and I would appreciate it if you removed some of them. Anyway, on to the poem:
The rhyme seemed forced in some places and the wording was off.
The emotion was unique, you say you're not a suicidal person so I'm not sure why you would go into such great detail about a topic you don't completely understand. I don't mean to sound like a bitch, but contemplation and attempt of suicide is a pretty deep thing that I think unless someone has actually experienced the severe emotion of that, they shouldn't really write about it. What you see as reasons for someone to live, might be the exact reasons why someone doesn't want to survive their life until old age. I may be ranting, but this is a kind of personal subject to me.
Whatever, we'll see if Liberation says anything about it. Thank you for the entry. -
-
First off, I did as you asked so I hope you appreciate it. Second thanks for your comment and if you may please show me where my wording is off so I may consider "putting them back on". Also could you point out some of the forced rhymes? I must say though that you are judging me when you say I do not understand the topic. I do and I am now telling you I do, believe me. No one ever means to sound like a bitch and usually that's the way it comes across so no offence taken. I know how deep contemplation and attempt of suicide is and therefore I wrote about it. You have no idea what things plague my life so please be careful and choose you words carefully especially when you don't know me. Thank you. I understand that peoples reasons for wanting and not wanting to live can and are different but thanks for letting me know. You lack several words to be ranting so don't worry about that. I understand that it is a personal subject to you and it is to others as well as myself. So whatever and thanks for the comment.
-
-
Jeez. Poetry's always personal. Don't use the subject as a crutch.
-
-
-
Um. Well then. I think I am the only one out there that really doesn't like this. I thought people were done writing about suicide! Sheesh! I'm not a cliche person. This is way too wordy, as well, and just dragged on and on for me. Pariah might see differently, though. We shall see.
-
-
Thank you for your comment. Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion and I am glad you expressed yours quite truthfully I would say. If you don't like it so be it that is your choice. People will never be done writing about suicide or anything for that matter. This, in my opinion (especially considering I am the author), is not your typical suicide poem, you may disagree but it is an anti-suicidal poem and perhaps you do not see how but I assure you it is. My author notes do say a little about that and I am sure you read them. Too wordy, eh? Ok whatever that means, I don't think I quite follow but maybe I do either way... Perhaps you do not like long poems or perhaps you don't take enough time to read them or perhaps you don't like my style/way of writing and that is why it dragged on for you or perhaps I am totally wrong. Either way you don't have to like my work so thanks for the comment anyhow.
-
-
Goodness... how long was that? Wow...
Long, but you kept me reading until the end because this was such an interesting and well-written poem...
Thought-provoiking and with an important message...
Thanks for sharing!
Keep writing!
Annie 
-
gross
ugh i recently have been touched by suicides icy fingers. Im doing this whole 20 mile walk in new york to raise money for suicide prevention. dont get me wrong its good your poem i mean it just sux if you know what i mean i just wish suicide wasnt an option for anyone
-
wow amazing alittle long but it kept me interested. i too have felt depression and got over it so i understand it. thanx for your entry and good luck
-
this was a great poem and i enjoyed reading this very mych but i am not anit-suicide as i have been that low in life to and understand how someone would want to die...but regadless this was a great poem and your talented keep writting and good luck in the contest
XTashaX -
this poem has far to many lines to be accepted fo judgement for my contest. but you can enter up to 2 poem in my contest son if you have but not already entered another on feel free to do so now.
-
Well, I guess I don't really understand his change of heart. He just wakes up and decides he isn't depressed anymore? I'm sorry. I have a rather slanted view on things, since I too have found myself in a hospital bed. I wish it had all gone away like that...
-
-
Well it wasn't on his own perhaps I should have made things a bit clearer... He had help as it shows in this verse:
"Time seems to tick by unbearably slow
As rehab, counselling and pills,
Help him and let him show
That he can climb over many hills."
So it took a long time (note first line) for him to "get better" if you will in rehab with counselling and medication (note second line) which after a long time as previously stated to help him and to show him that he can overcome his problems (note third and fourth line)
I hope that explains it a bit better if not well then I could try again... -
-
Okay it does make more sense now.
-
-
-
Whoa. Congratz on how much effort you put into this. I'm about half-way thru it, I keep getting distracted. So I'll try again later.
-
-
Lol. Thank you I put much effort in and I know it can be hard reading longer poems especially when you can be easily distracted I hope though that this poem can hold the readers interest the entire poem through. I hope you can read it all the way through later because I think the end really ties it together and makes you think, or that's what I am hoping at least I hope you like it when you get a chance to read it all. Thanks for the comment!
-
-
this was very interesting...kinda bothered me that the kid seemed to have parents who really cared about him and actually wanted him to be alive....thankyou for entering and best of luck.
-
-
Thanks, and could you elaborate on why you are bothered thatthe kid had parents who cared about and want him alive, I am not sure I understand. So if yu could that would be appreciated.
-
-
its just the fact that he had parents who actually loved him and yet he still tried to kill himself. thats what bothered me, not the fact that he had parents who cared.
-
-
ok I see what you are getting at. Do you know what it is like to have clincial depression or any mood disorder or anything similiar? I sure do and it is not nice, it affects every part of your life and in a sense you are left in a fog and don't always see things for what they really are. The outlook on life bites and you constantly feeldown and like the world is against you. Also even if this character "Vito" did not suffer from any mood disorder another explanation is just because he parents love him doesn't mean he won't try to kill himself. For example if he has nothing by way of social life, is made fun of and pushed around, has little or no friends, is mocked, has things taken from him...for some people that would be enough to make them at least think about it. Now I am not condoning suicide, not in the least, but I am saying there are many reasons people would think and/or try and I have mentioned only a few. I am very anti-suicidal and I wanted to show that well sure maybe there are good aspects to his (someones life) but if the bad outweighs the good and the good does nothing to help out and get rid of the bad then things could take a turn for the worse. Also many people hid things like cutting and suidical thoughts, their feelings and the like from their parents and the ones who love them and they are clueless to what is going on and so are shocked by any suicidal attempt and the like when they see it or find out about it and by then it can be too late and even if they try to help the 'sufferer' isn't willing to let help in and so the parents can be left wondering on the sidelines. That, I hope, explains the situation and why I wrote it the way I did.
Thanks for the comment. -
-
ok i understand i whole lot more though. im sorry if i seem like a brat, i dont put alot of weight on social life, while i put a lot on family life. it happed to be a rather bad day and i was pissed off with just bout everyone. i do know what clincial depression, because i am affected by it everyday. thankyou so much for not only entering my contest but taking the time to explain it to me.
-
-
That is good and don't worry about seeming to be a brat or whatever. Everyone is different and puts more weighton different aspects of their life. Everyone has a bad day and gets pissed off at people so don't worry about that it happens andyou are welcome, I just like to make sure everyone has a goodunderstanding of what I wrote, especially if they have questions.
-
-
-
-
-
-
This was good, but way too long for my liking. The lines also got a bit longer near the center. I really liked it, but wasn't able to read all of it. It was definitely one of the better poems I've read.
-
-
Thanks, not everyone cares for long poems and I don't know who does and who doesn't so I find out after I submit it in a contest. I know about the lines, it isn't always that easy when you write something of such length. And I do ask, if you are willing, to finish reading it because the end ties it all together... If you don't want to that is your choice and so be it. Thanks again for the comment.
-
-
Wow, the failure, even in dream, is haunting.
be back on the 18th to read this again.
-
-
Thanks, I hope you will be!
-
-
wow wonderful. This really strong and wow amazing. Bravo bravo *claps* Great job A+ you may win my contest
-
-
Thanks, appreciate it!
-
-
oh goodness. that first stanza alone had me. its an interesting title. has a sense of sad humor to it. i like the flow of it, you keep all the lines length together, keeping it smooth. oh i see! it has a metaphorical and literal meaning within the poem. I love that. oh goodness. this is just such an intense poem. very very powerful. i see how it is anti-suicidal. very nice. i loved it. thank you for entering, and good luck!
-
-
lol, I am glad to hear you like it and I am glad you can see the metaphorical and literal meanings! Also thats good that you can see how it is anti-suicidal, I was afraid that may to come across as well as I would like it to have. Thanks for your comment, it is much appreciated!
-
-
not a problem ma'dear.
-
-
-
wicked twisted poem. Extreamly dark, and demented, kinda scary too. Ooooooo this poem gave me shivers. Very great job. Wow. Good luck.
~Oka
-
-
Thanks, your comment means I did what I set out to do!
-
-
Very Compelling
Thank you very much for entering this contest. I may add much more of a comment later on since there are so many other submissions.
You may want to keep in mind that I will try to open more of the same contests one after another if I can earn enough feedback to do so which I must say would be truly appreciated. Altogether, I hope this will also give everybody a glimpse at one of you're favorite accomplishments which hopefully in turn inspire them to look at what else you've got. -
wow it was more like a book lol this poem is amazing so very dark and deep
Good-bye those I adore,"
He whispers with his last breath.
Who was the stranger from before?
It was no other than Death.
what an amazing way to end..good luck in my contest
laura xx -
-
Thank you. It took me so long to think of a good way to end it. Then one day a while ago it hit me! So I wrote it down and made it work! So I am glad you like it. Thank you for the comment.
-
-
Such a deep and dark write and I too have thought of suicide before to when my life was at it's lowest. But I agree with you it is not the answer. Excellent flow and content. Good luck in my contest
-
-
It is, or so I have been told.. I hope that more peope agree ith me in that it isn't an answer! It's sad to see things like that around.. so yeah thanks for the comment.
-
-
I applaud you on your longest poem...and it hit me hard because, I too, have attempted suicide at many times in my life and I too, have found my place in this world. This is a sad and dark poem and you did a very good job penning it. Wonderful. Though it is quite long I read it twice because it is so heartbreaking. Great job and THANK YOU for entering my contest!
-
-
Thank you for your applaud, much appreciated. I know of a few people that have attempted to commit suicide, this one guy down my street tried to hang himself from a tree in his front yard when he w as younger, and I know people that cut themselves and I've heard of people who have killed themselves and it really gets to me.. I am glad that you have found your place in this world. Thanks for the comment and your welcome for my entry, but thank you for holding the contest!
-
-
good job i love it
-
-
Thanks, it seems a few people love it as well!
-
-
oh my god i seriously think this is the best poem i have ever read!!!!! this is sooo amazing i love everything about it you captured me with your rhyme it was sooo beautifull so indiscribable i love it so much if it were a person i would totally marry it this is simply outstanding and completely wonderfull in everyway you are an awesome poet i love your write it has officially become my new favorite!!! i love it soooo much
awesome write -
-
Wow! Such flattery! Thanks a lot! I am glad you enjoyed it and that it is the best poem you ever read! That means a lot to me. And sorry its not a person so you can't marry it..lol again thanks a lot, I have never had a poem be someones favourite, so that is really awesome! Thanks!
-
-
wow... that was really long... but i you defiently got your point through.... well i hope. My favorite part was:
"The pictures he has drawn,
The words he has written down,
The thoughts from his head have gone
Turning his smile to a frown."
Good job and thanks for entering my contest, i wish u luck in it ^-^ -
-
Thanks. I think I got my point through and if not well then maybe I need to edit it a bit... I really like that verse too it is one of my favourites. Thanks again and your welcome for my entry and I am thankful you let me to be able to enter this poem in your contest.
-
-
wow. dude. this was definitly long but WELL worth the read! this is a really amazing poem. thank you so much for entering!!!
-
-
thanks! ya it is kinda long but it took a lot of work and I like it and I'm glad u do too, and your welcome for my entry gld I coulenter and thanks for having the contest!
-
-
very interesting. it was extremely long but meh. it was structured well and the emotion is great. thnx for entering and good luck.
Adding your comment:
1 - 60 of 60
