Juxtaposing to the whole universe,
our earth is just a little circle
But, it is not incomplete
as we keep examining features that are incredible
Focusing on small things first like leaves budding primely
in our relatively tiny world,
it's similar to grading and grating
with gathering the sprouts
how much you can magnify
There is a V shape in the left branch
It came from twisted roots and
spread out genes
and, yet, provided vitamins for bugs later on
The crisp brown bran sprinkled on the land
would then offshoot
Crunch, Smash when you try to walk or run on it
Fall's weather had slipped in the doorway for sure now
I'm supposing Winter's rolling in with the sound of a clock
Author notes
Originally, this was inspired off of a picture from one of B Chandler's contests that closed too early, and I couldn't enter:
http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q97/photopoverty/336.jpg
I hope I did well, and if not, please leave a review letting me know which part(s) are doubtful. Then, I can decide how it needs to be redone to work better.
My age is number ten. I won't be reading the other entries because skimpy cussing is a choice in the contest, and I was only able to enter because my daddy allowed me to enter my piece on this basis.
In a list
A contest entry
- Simple Purity Freeverse Contest by voices.
525 points, ended March 3, 2007, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Quick Pre-write Contest by Nicole Hanna.
300 points, ended July 9, 2007, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Does this cling to your brain that I made this claim?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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nice!i really enjoyed reading it!
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Not bad at all. I loved the language used here, and the imagery was rich and incredibly expressive. I have to thank you for entering my contest, because these are the kinds of things I like to run across in these quick pre-write thingies of mine
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Mile Marker Of A Letter
Out of I think 86 entries at the time, I feel extra surprised and glad that mine was a catchy one to you. Well, I thank you for writing that the lingo wasn't boring and "imagery was rich and incredibly expressive" makes me think of honey that's got a really thick flower blended taste instead of off of refined sugar.
By the finishing of your third sentence, "I have to thank you for entering my contest" doesn't make me feel like you don't want to, but it's in your competition so you've gotta because this one is a small special spark to you.
I love stomping into these type of reviews,
SplishSplashPencil
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thank you for such a fine entry.
I find this both simple and pure.
The beauty in nature is presented in a
clear and creative way.
And just so you know,
no one used even one swear word in the other pieces.
Again, thank you. -
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Your note was so wonderful, I just have to reply!
Voices [you have chosen the good "voice" for me!],
I feel supported by your comments, and how sweet of you to have read my author's notes completely so that I can feel free to go read a few of the other entries because nobody used one single curse word!
This caught me: "I find this both simple and pure," because that's what you asked for in the contest; so, you rewarded my content, not just me. And, of course, then, I should thank you for my first 'cold drink of water' on AllPoetry*!
I am hooked onto your specific point that I drew portraits in your head without boredom, but stimulation of creativity.
Gotta get back to my contest and commenting now, but, I took yours seriously,
Daisy
* I spoke of 'cold drink of water' on AllPoetry because a silver cup has that color, and it refreshes me that I got recognized with points. If I ever get gold on one of my work soon, that would be like 'heated water.'
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The eyes and therefore our brain can interpret things much more than first glance allows - we dig deeper and deeper into what is there, finding all kinds of things that are not visible right away. Interesting write.
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A splish with a splash
not a word to clash
a pencil from Afforded
structure well recorded
the cup within your grasp
yet the gate held a hasp
creative not a fault
nature to exault
joy as to my space
your lines found a place.
Deeper commentary at close of contest.
Thank You D with added aisy.
Darin.
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Well Penned
This would have made a great entry, but don't worry, it's still a great poem. I like your comparisone between the tire swing and the earth ~ both circles. Also, the way you help us realize how big the universe is by focusing on one microscopic detail. The last two lines are awesome. I can just hear the clock ticking as time steadily goes towards the next season. Lovely!
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