A long Letter My Husband Wrote.

The other side of the coin

Tina. My wife, who I met around 9 years ago. Married 8. Has two children who live with there paternal grandparents. It took some time before I met them, allowing their mother to adjust the kids to her having a Boyfriend. We dated for some time getting to know each other as well, and eventually moved in together. That went well for sometime, but things began getting difficult between us. She began pushing me away in attempts to sabotage our relationship. Who wouldn’t after being the punching bag in a previous abusive marriage. If you were in a similar situation would you not think something was wrong when someone is kind, caring, and not physically hurting you. It would be more difficult having been raised in the same kind of atmosphere and only ever knowing physical and emotional hurt from those closest to you. Anyway, this became our relationship. Being pushed away and reassurances. This almost split us up. Tina finally came to terms that who I was and still am Was no act or smoke screen. We became engaged. Being from Ontario, we discussed moving back. Me returning and my future wife for the first time. One, I was closer to my family. And two, Tina would be in a big part of Canada where her ex husband would not be able to find her and threaten her life again, as from what I’ve been told had happened a few times after they had divorced and she was living on her own. Do I believe her? Would you not trust someone you were about to marry and spend the rest of your life with? I still do after being together for 9 years. It was very difficult for her to leave her children behind. But what else could she do. They were living with their grandparents and when she left her ex husband they prevented her from taking the kids with her. She knew they would be safe as they were not living with their father. It was also agreed that they would come and visit in Ontario. These visits never occurred but we returned once a year and phone calls occurred to keep communication. After fostering for 5 years we returned to Alberta. Although we came out once a year, phone calls became less. Tina would call, the kids were either busy or the phone would not be answered never having been let to talk to her children. Our last visit, before moving back, Tina looked into getting the children. She inquired with a lawyer, as the kids grandparents would never allow for this to happen. She got the court documents from her marriage documenting the abuse. Due to the distance however, it was likely not going to happen. Having more confidence, Tina was willing to put her fear of her ex finding her again aside in an attempt to build or rebuild the relationship with her kids. Visits occurred on weekends whenever we could get them. This began to slow down as they were getting into more sports and weekends took up more of their time. Eventually her daughter would no longer come for visits, and months later visits with her son no longer occurred either. We were told neither were interested in wanting anything to do with us, her. This was two years ago, maybe longer. Tina has tried communication through the internet. It occurred for a while. She gets blocked from all their sites. She continues to hope that her children may want to build a relationship with her. She thinks of them often. She dare not go out to visit. This more over the fact of uncertainty of what her ex in-laws would do. When he was put in jail for beating her, they bailed him out.