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Aroused

Missing image

Come in, relax; turn off the light.
To cherish this moment in time,
I love how you put me in place.
Laying back, I plead without words.

To cherish this moment in time,
wondering if you're hurting me.
I raise my hips to greet your stare,
drawing to your bare intentions.

I love how you put me in place.
Whimpering moans at your mercy,
taunting me, teasing me, you grin.
You linger as you watch my lust.

Laying back, I plead without words.
You enter and we become one,
my places reach deep to the core.
When suddenly, you grant relief.

 

 

iiv

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Author notes

Retourne

Like so many other French forms, the retourne is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables. The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line, the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme.

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 93 of 93

  • black lagoon x
    May 6

    Edit | Reply
    "I love how you put me in place.
    Whimpering moans at your mercy,
    taunting me, teasing me, you grin.
    You linger as you watch my lust."
    BEautifully flowing lines. I love the way you repeat i love how you put me in place, that created an image in my head and gave the poem a certain feel. Good work


  • SummerlandRayne gold member
    April 30

    Edit | Reply
    Tender yet steamy...a wonderfully penned combination of sensuality and eroticism. Blissful...


    Az


  • Jay81
    April 29
    Edit | Reply
    A very versatile writer, well done.


  • darkyinsoul
    April 2
    Edit | Reply
    Wow thats hot and sensual. Excellence. You were right.


  • Cannonsfire
    March 12

    Edit | Reply
    This form works well with soft erotica because the plead is repeated,which I'd gather could be how it goes lol if one is enjoying the moment. C


  • Cup-a-Joe
    December 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Viva la french~
    I love this. Just discovered you erotic poems.
    Joe


  • Dragonheart1 gold member
    December 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the last lien is interestin,,enter...and grant me relief...Those are great penned words of love not the lust. I could feel the imagery as soft and sensual you deserved a gold!!!

    return the favor?

  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    November 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your most beautifully sensual entry, Josie


  • Swangrnv gold member
    November 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    insanely good, very sensual..and uhmm..hot!!


  • Ryan79
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    Very sensual. It paints a vivid picture. Very nice. Good work. It has so many feelings in it. Sexual without being dirty.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    July 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh my.. yes yes!! I love the eroticism in this that is finely tuned to give an intense feeling, without being crass in any way!!

    And the line "I love how you put me in place" well.. that just speaks to a certain side of me that I like to explore!!

    Fabulous!


  • creationsfromheart
    April 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    aw this is nice, it is elegant in its own erotic form love this !


  • Mandy4Men
    March 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like this a lot! But I am not so good at subtlety.


  • Galaxy2
    January 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Magnificent lines...

    "I love how you put me in place
    Laying back, I plead without words.
    To cherish this moment in time,
    Wondering if you're hurting me.
    I raise my hips to greet your stare,
    Drawing to your bare intentions.
    ................................
    You linger as you watch mylust.
    Laying back I plead without words.
    ................................
    When suddenly you grant relief."

    Your write is brillint, my love!
    Simple language...
    Beautiful suggestive...
    So hot...
    So very erotic...
    So seductive...

    You're really something..I so much want to kiss you, dear...one kiss for each line...lol

    Galaxy2


  • Master Ktulu silver member
    January 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderfully and masterfully done. This is very erotic with a mild taste of seduction. The form was perfect too.

    **Master Ktulu**


  • Xx Luna xX
    January 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Well done!

    This is one of the best erotic poems I have read. Your use of words are very subtle and unique. You did a great job here. The form which you presented is brilliant.

    To cherish this moment in time,
    wondering if you're hurting me.
    I raise my hips to greet your stare,
    drawing to your bare intentions.
    Thank you for entering and good luck


  • good bye
    December 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    CONGRATS & WOW

    Great form, full of emotion.

  • PersuingHappyness
    November 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oh... wow this is really nice... I really loved it. It was perfect. I loved the emotion in this. It was wonderfully written. Awesome... completly awesome....
    Donna


  • BeautifulSecret
    August 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely stunning!!! Beautifully written and I love the pure and simple form. Definetly a piece to be inspired from. Thank you again for your kind suggestions.


  • AshtrayBaby
    August 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    First, congrats on your gold trophy!

    Second, I really liked this.

    Third, I don't know what to say.


  • Riftkin gold member
    August 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is great and I love how you did it, as I told jeff swan, my poems are all free verse or stories, I do not think I could learn your wonderful styles.

    This is better than any I could ever write.


  • 2lullabyhaven
    August 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    This is so delightfully good. Congrats on your gold cup. You are a true poet. lol


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    August 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on the golden tassie, lassie!


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    August 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations. This poem is amazing.
    Good luck in the final.(Though I doubt you need it..I might though)


  • PoetsAngel
    July 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my! This is soooo sensual, but tasteful...How did I miss this? Just beautiful Amera


    Cathy
    ♥♥♥♥♥


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    July 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Well this is very sensual indeed, coupled with a very good use of the form. What I like about this is its brevity - people do tend to go on and on when writing erotica, and one feels like shouting "Oh Puh-LEASE!" But not with this. Well done.

    • LaVitaNuova1300
      August 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      And I think I put this afterthought in the wrong place. I must be tired, but I am too excited to sleep. I am so glad I found you. Besides, I need to make confession this morning.


      • Mairi bheag gold member
        August 12, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        Yes... you put it as a reply to one of my comments, but never mind, I'll make sure Amera sees it!


    • Amera gold member
      July 29, 2007

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Mairi; when I first met you I saw what groups you belong to and realized we are simular in many ways. I was wondering if you might see this poem.


      • Mairi bheag gold member
        July 29, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        When I started writing it was in the field of erotica, and you might find one or two examples in my stuff, plus some... mmm... gothic works too. So yes, we have our similarities. (Where we differ is I am about to turn 50 and am as plain as a bucket!)


  • Griswold silver member
    July 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Good choice Amera, Give me a few minutes to wolf down my dinner and I'll jump right on it Pun intended... Heh...Scott


  • poeticweaver gold member
    July 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow,

    Congrates on the rewards here! Well earned I'd say no doubt! You have a bit of a dark side, oouuuwwweeee!!! I like that. Mystery, awe, gets one every time.. Thanks for sharing this, the poem rocks!


    -Timothy aka poeticweaver~ xo


  • forbidden-dreams
    July 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing!

    Very good poem! Alot of detail and emotion is in it. Your work is really inspiring and well done for it all! I would say prehaps make this one a bit longer, or make a PRT II to it because it's such a great poem.


    • Amera gold member
      July 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you a Retourne only has four stanzas and I'm afraid if I made a part two it would get pornographic. LOL


  • chaosfactor79171
    July 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    My first thought on this poem was that it was a well written poem. Nice with description even though it was really short. It actually made me think and usually some poems don't do that. I liked it. GOod job and keep up the good work.

    Juarez


  • Damique
    July 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Such deep...so beautiful!


  • Swtpoetryman
    July 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I'LL BE BACK TO LOOK AT MORE OF YOUR WORK!

    Congratulations on winning THE SILVER (if you ask me - it should have been THE GOLD) for this wonderful and sensual piece! I enjoyed reading it, indeed - and visualizing the scene that you painted with your pen OH SO VERY WELL! Needless to say - but I'll say it anyway - this passed my hardnesstest - hands down - and i need not say where.
    Peace & Love!
    Earl.


  • capricornpoet
    July 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    dark of night

    Sensual complicity, metaphoric feelings, unuendo of love ..i like this wanting yet gentle persuation.
    inspiring form ,


  • ceegeeess
    July 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    exciting

    my places reach deep to the core.
    When suddenly, you grant relief." so sharply brought mind the great saga of sex ! I really appreciate your command on words.



  • tinytoes
    July 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    A Pleasure

    A real pleasure to read, very sensual and arousing.  Excellent. Also learning a little about retourne too! LOL. Julie. Smile


  • Tercil gold member
    July 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Subtle or what!!!!

    Now if this is form then it is non intrusive, it is by mutual respect and is indeed the art of loving which makes both parties a much desired thrill. Excellent, as as you say, I do like commenting on good poetry,


  • NicholasJDoo
    July 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Great

    This piece is really intense. i have to admit I'm a bit aroused. ;D


  • Myth Of Twilight
    July 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    beautiful

    beautiful peace of work i loved every word of this so mutch felling and tast in this i hope to read more as beautiful as this


  • Lauren Alexandra
    July 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Like a skirt lifting.

    This poem is like a skit lifting. The first stanza shows who you are and each stanza play a variation going deeper into the soul that is you and your writing. You are a master of form with a gentle warmth that lets us into your world… we become aroused.

    Laying back, I plead without words.
    You enter and we become one,
    my places reach deep to the core.
    When suddenly, you grant relief.

    This is the pinnacle of intimacy and physical love and moves into the metaphysical.

    You are a flame that lights the fire within me.

    With all my love,

    Lauren


  • Cant-touch-this
    June 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    At the mercy of the lovers hands seeking release and unsure of the deep internal feelings that follow...Whimpering moans at your mercy...You enter and we become one...you grant relief...The body will remember it's lovers hand EXCELLENT!Thank you so much for sharing


  • cleo the sweet
    June 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    sensational, very refined

    i love the way you describe it, so beautifully written


  • Miss Ginger Snaps
    June 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Sweet Incantation...

    The repetition makes this poem feel like you are going deeper inside your body. Tingling the very core of your soul. It says alot of the pain of not having desire fulfilled as well as the slight hesitation of opening yourself to another. So hot... the rush of erotic pleasure that gives you the relief -- you have feed your lust.


  • Lord Merlynn
    June 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    by the way, forgot to mention, the image is as stunning as the poem. forgot to mention that, sorry.


  • Lord Merlynn
    June 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this piece is absolutely stunning, erotic, without being pornographic. This write is fantastic, with the word usage, the form, and everything. Great job.


  • RedAquarius
    June 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Ah, a form I have done (once hehe) and it suits the erotic flavor nicely. I enjoy erotica done sensuously more than graphic (although I will admit at times, I want the raw graphic style as well!), and you have done that extremely well here.


  • trytothink
    June 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nice form, skilled, I never have really done too many form poems, But i did like how you have done this poem. Very talented!


  • ellipsist
    June 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    wow!

    I am not certain what else to say... my mind's been blown... what a wonderful combination of sensual and subtle imagery... when I visualize it, it is like I am getting only glimpses!

    I love how you manage to say everything without spelling it out for the reader... it almost adds to the eroticism of this piece... nicely done!

    wow!


  • Moonlight Raven
    June 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The semi colon in the first stanza adds great emphasis to the importance of personification within the poem. I am impressed with the style and format you have chosen, luring in the reader, seducing them with poetical whispers.
    I noticed you have used assonance, which to be honest helps the smooth flow when reading out aloud.
    I’ve read this 4 times now, because I cant really leave a comment without highlighting a fault. But hands up I cant find one.

    Although!! Lol I couldn’t quite put my finger on what for form this was until I scrolled down. Very very nice indeed. The majority of poems written in this format I find quite boring and forced. I in fact find this elegant and graceful adding strength to your skills as a writer.
    Vulgarity is often mistaken for erotica, not in this case though well done and thank you for entering the 2007 raven contest, I wish you the very best of luck
    Moonlight raven


  • Griswold silver member
    May 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Ahhhhhhhn Very nicely done, I see what your getting at, sometimes less is more, leave the reader to his / her imagination....Scott


  • Emerald Dreams
    May 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very sensual. Thanks for entering and good luck.

    Emerald Fire


  • Roaddog Wolf
    May 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    very sensuous

    it was nice to learn from your remarks further useful information along with the joy of the read thank you


  • Laura
    May 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ohhhh wow this is amazing i dont know what the form is i'll clearly hold my hands up to that one but love the words are just so beautiful very well done indeed xxx


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    May 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I've read this before, must've forgotten to comment. This is subtle, not "in your face" as it were. It's classy, suggestive and very well executed. The form works well for the piece too. Thank you for sharing
    La x


  • Longfellow
    May 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Holy wow. I didn't know being woke up could be so hot. This is great.


  • vampirefreak606
    May 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is really powerful great work...ur very talented...this is good...so passionly...great job


  • Heavenly Angel silver member
    May 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very well done and oooh so sexy! No wonder this is a trophy winner! Very tastefully sensual; loved it! All the best to you!


  • Swan song gold member
    May 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    That is beautiful Well done. The mter is there. It's not rough. The imagry is there, it is erotic, but not nasty. Big differnce between two making love and two having sex.


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    May 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    my places reach deep to the core.
    When suddenly, you grant relief.

    Indeed a beauty of love is here Amera and you are around the subject with the touches of love and pleasure..You are vey beautiful in your words and the last two lines you shared with us and this is just lovely sharing...


  • Poetic-Theorem silver member
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    HOT..........WOW!!!!

    Amera,
    I love the talent you displayed in creating a seductive, erotic write while using soft senual words. I was hooked from the very beginning
    I loved the following verse the most but all were great:

    "I love how you put me in place.
    Whimpering moans at your mercy,
    taunting me, teasing me, you grin.
    You linger as you watch my lust."

    Very HOT!!!!!!
    Definitely feel the temperature rising with your words.
    Good luck in the contest!
    Take care
    Bo


  • Whoochi gold member
    April 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow, it almost felt like she was looking at me and saying those words...not in a pleading way but like oh come on, come here....excellent and once again you are teaching me about form, not yours my darling, thats for Allen but poetry form...*sighs*


  • Amber Lee
    April 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice!This is great.


  • PerVirtuous
    April 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is an excellent poem. The use of repetition is calculated. The lines are powerful and tell a story. Well done. Thanks for entering my contest.


  • Trixie08
    April 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Amera!

    This is such a great lusty; erotic piece. That makes you want to be submissive instead of denominate and this just makes you image all sorts of erotic things. Thank you for your entry and best of luck. and I agree with your comment about how erotica can be written in a beautiful piece of art and not be pornographic, and that the imagination is so much more powerful than explicit low class words. Always so beautifully spoken. I can't tell you how many times how much I love this piece.


  • hoodoolover silver member
    April 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful, I love the form, it's one I am not familiar with, and the piece is so softly sensuous, nice job~

  • Eulb kcalB
    April 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I raise my hips to greet your stare,
    drawing to your bare intentions.

    and then

    I love how you put me in place.
    Whimpering moans at your mercy,


    sensual titillating fare is this Amera , LOVE IT!!!
    ..smiling


    J


  • indomitable
    March 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    wow.

    to be honest i know little about formal poetry, so i wouldnt know if this is a good example. however, i found it to be incredibly sexy, i love the undertones of dominance when speaking of the man. makes me imagine all sorts of sordid and kinky things. truly, a very good write, i loved it.


  • sunny day
    March 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Amera, WOW!!!!!!!! This is a wonderful retourne you penned here. Erotic and still elegant with your words. The imagery is very profound and I think I am going to need to cool off now. Not a word was out of place and you captured me from the title right to the very last word. Again I say WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are a gifted writer with much emotion and I say kudos to you. Thank you for sharing this beautiful masterpiece with all of us. Love and God bless, Joyce


    • Amera gold member
      March 27, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much, I was pleased with the way this piece came out too. I wrote to show another poet that erotica can be written as a beautiful piece of art and not be pornographic. The imagination is so much more powerful than explicit low class words.


  • Afflicted Affection
    March 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow...you show such emotion and details are WONDERFUL! i love this write...good luck to you!


  • ClosetRelevance
    March 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    its a great write


  • tomisb
    March 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The choice of a form poem for erotica is a challenge in and of itself. You must be so in command of the form that it doesn't contort nor damn up the fierce flows of passion. Truthfully, part of my attraction to free verse is the way I can create structure and twist it to my needs. You took a difficult form and to a fair extent suc ceeded in creating a strong sense of passion and need on your part. Also a feeling of joy in the way your mate toys with you and expresses his domination. What amuses me is the extent to which this only happens with your permission and you allow it to happen to please him. what fools humans be, but most men are blind to how much they are.

    You are subtle at the same time you are direct. You speak to the issue and don't get cutsey, thank god, in your description. What is centrally important is your sense of grace. I know no other word for it. You honor, respect, and value your mate and yourself and it shows in your language. Your words do not lie and you are a vibrant passionate person. Thanks for inviting me to read your words.
    Love,Tom B.


  • jamiegirl
    March 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very elegant! i like the repetition. it just makes the poem seem more urgent, and makes the reader feel exactly what the person in the poem is feeling. great job! i loved it. thank you for the write!


  • mysticstorm gold member
    March 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    See there you have it, sensual, sexual lust. Done with the elegance and grace that is so you.
    The words you write, in such perfect form would be cause for anyone to fall in lust with you. You have it, babe!
    Keep up the good work!
    Love


  • requiempoet gold member
    March 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm a little frightened to know that people have been holding back on this contest but I suppose it's better to have beautiful erotica then in your face dirty stuff!! I enjoyed this piece alot!


  • Desire gold member
    March 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow-

    Beautiful form presentation and the images leave a sensual taste in the reader's mouth~
    Very pleasingly intoxicating, a pleasure to inhale!
    Sweet verse You have penned here using this form~~
    Loved It!!

    Thank You for sharing Your Talent!
    Best wishes to You in the contest
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • Dalaney gold member
    March 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Now THIS is what erotica is all about. I love this poem...love everything about it. You make me proud
    Love, Lane

  • Eulb kcalB
    February 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    sexy as hell ...I loved this Amera!!!


  • Myth Of Twilight
    February 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    mmmmm tastful i like how this flows and i love the work it reminds me of times gone and a master work this is i loved and and great poem


  • Goddess of illusion
    February 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Loved it...

    The structure of this poem was well done, and I loved it, I done have criticism at all...

    I just loved this..

    Elmarie


  • Im3
    February 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Suspensful style, leaving the reader wanting more. I like it, as it gives me ideas, wishing I was there to fill in the rest. The descriptions of pain and pleasure at once are seamless. I expected nothing less than perfection


  • JohnnyD gold member
    February 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Amera,
    This was excellent! erotic and sensual without being graphic. It is the readers mind that makes a poem truly erotic through them using 'their' imagination rather than relying on graphic words and descriptions.

    It follows along the same lines that a woman is always far sexier with some clothes on than none on because the male's "imagination' comes into play. Most women know that, some don't.

    http://allpoetry.com/poem/2334335



    JD


  • PerVirtuous
    February 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Amera Aroused!

    Not only an alliteration, but a damn powerful thing indeed! Just the hint of it brings the entire Eastern Seaboard up five degrees! We could solve the energy crisis harnessing the fallout from Amera's Arousals! *sigh* It is a subject I could write a tome on, and still not want to stop! They say discretion is the better part of valor... screw 'em. Three bunnies who love the heat!!!


  • February 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Reminiscent

    This is my vision in words touched with the soft touch of your skin. Putting all concerned to the proper place to view your lovely face. I cherish all moments in time like that that age well like fine wine upon your lips. With repetition comes the discovery of sexual enlightenment. Taunting and teasing me to tantalize – I succumb to your eyes. To become one to unite it is just so right. This is a poem of great power that I feel to my core, I desire forever more. With great emotion and lustful explosion, Princess you are unique. Your not only grant me relief but more so – peace. You are reminiscent of Heaven through your words.


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    February 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Now this is good..I can truly relate to this...I happen to like this style..working on something in this form now...trying to make it work.
    Be well.
    Soulful Woman


  • Sacrificial Love
    February 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Well damn...

    ** S T A R I N G A T Y O U **




    Beautifully penned deep passion and lust my dear!!!

    Are you ready?

    Heidi

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