The wind picks me up and takes me away,
Away from my mind to that special place,
Where I last saw you in the fields where we layed,
Together forever in heart and in mind,
I think of you everytime I see,
The sun and the moon, the sky and the sea,
Inside my heart you will forever be...
Author notes
Less than ten.....Done. Hope you like it...
(revision: I removed the last line and fixed my spelling mistake.)
A contest entry
- Short & Sweet and Really Upbeat {Edit} by HerbalGoat.
300 points, ended March 13, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I like it!!! cute!
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another great poem...
caycee♥ -
This is a good concise poem of love. I wont write the last two lies out [I hate people who do that] but they are the best and seal the poem Good luck in the contest....Sue
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This is a sweet, loving poem. I like your use of synonyms (kind of) in L6. My favorite lines were L6 and L7. "the sun and the mon, the sky and the sea, inside my hear you will forever be." I actually thought that would be a great way to end it, so that could be a revision pointer if so choose.
Revision pointers:
L3 - "where we laid -
How wonderful it is to be able to feel that connection to people, even when, physically, we are so far away. Always nice to be reminded of that, and so, be reminded of all our loved ones set apart from us. Best wishes in the contest.
Good luck in your future works.
~Das -
great job
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