The morning dew awakes my face. My eyes
still closed, my head upon the grass. My arms
besides me, legs curled up. The sun, arised.
The sheep and cows are coming from the farms.
My hands reach out and try to find your face
they gently touch your mouth, your nose, your ears
and then I find myself in your embrace
and days seem to be months, months to be years
entwined together, lying here in higher spheres.
A contest entry
- The perfect poem by xandercheerios.
800 points, ended March 3, 2007, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love's The Only House by tawk.
425 points, ended February 27, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Excellent flow and content. I so loved reading your write. Wow, good luck in my contest
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thank you for the sweet comment
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Well it's definitely interesting! And a welcome twist with the fifth line. What makes it spenserian?
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8 iambic pentameters
and one iambic hexameter
rhymesheme ABAB BCBC C
I just realised I f***ed that one up.
Ok, no Spenserian, I guess...
Sorry -
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Ok so I'm judging it right now... I figure I'm gonna pretend you wrote "arise" b/c it's a perfect rhyme to eyes, and because I don't think "arised" is a word. So no points taken off b/c of that word.
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You mean the B's of the first verse didn't rhyme with the B's of the 2nd verse? that's where u f***ed up?... oh well, I've done variants on common poem stylings... still works.
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Spenserian eh
I so totally suck in that form 
actualyl tried one before, but I was about to pull all my hairs out with the meter and rhyme 
lol
I went
so I threw it in the bin 
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I like it because you don't need to rhyme for 13 lines, only for 9
and I love iamic pentameters
the last one should be a iambic hexameter, btw
which is kinda cool, cuz it actually worked out
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