--please--
Tell me
[you hate me]
because I definitely
[(love you)]
Turn away
[Ignore me]
No really
[[I want you] to]
Don’t look
[Don’t [touch me]]
Don’t tell me
[about your (girl)friends]
Because I really don’t care
[what you [did] Saturday (night)]
--You don’t know this, but--
you gave me a gift
[(a ribbon of) insanity]
I wear it
[always (secretly)]
close to
[the surface (of my heart)]
Your eyes singe
[the flesh (of my eyes)]
burning
[(into) me (my heart ( and my soul))]
Your voice like fingernails on a chalkboard
[so annoying (to others, not me)]
Your silence is molten gold
[(and scorches my tongue)]
Your joy is my pain
[(because it doesn't include me.)]
I can't believe I wasted all those years
[(not knowing I was in love) With you]
Now that I look back on it
[It makes me sad (how much time we lost)]
I never want to spend
[another (half-wasted) day with you again]
If we ever spend another day together
[it will be all too (truthful and not) soon (enough)]
You sicken me
[(My stomach and heart keep rolling over)]
--just--
Go away
[leave me (& my heart) alone]
Go back
[to your so-called friends (who don't include me)]
So I can remain
[[blissful(ly numb )]]
Author notes
This was written on pure inspiration earlier today (the 22nd) and could explain why I've been depressed of late. I didn't even know the reason until this was complete. Really. I didn't even like it, I wasn't going to show it to anyone, but Liz threatened to stab me with a pinapple-y fork O.o I thought she would answer "...o-k-a-y then, right..." but she answered "this is really good" so, here it is. She also said it sounded like it could be a song. Meh, whatever. Tell me what you think.
EDIT: I've gone back and added more, changed some things around a bit. Tell me how you like it :]
I want your honest opinion
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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LOVE IT...this is just great, in all honesty...smile, youve got frenches... hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe
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=] Thanks a lot. i really had no idea people would like this poem so much. I guess it was because it's such an popular subject and such an honest recounting of it. But thanks for your comment nd youre very welcome. Murderous escapades was a great read.
=] -
This is really quite sad.....you write with such expression. You have some awesome metaphores in here.....this person sounds like someone you can't stand but you can't help but love them...its like you're holding back. Like in a romance novel when theres say an arranged marriage and then some other guy comes in and sweeps the girl off her feet and she won't go because she knows her duty. thats what this reminds me of....only much much muich more agonizing! awesomely written!
~Sorrow~
Ps thanks for your commen on my poem Murderous Escapades -
Thank you for the comment and the applause, it's much appreciated =].
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Awe such a sad poem. So full of heartache and agony. I really enjoyed reading it none the less. I cant say I understand how it feels, and I cant say that I'd like to, but I can say that it is very sad. I hope that you are not encountering this. I rather liked how you encorportaed the [] and () symbols. Really gave the poem an edge.
♥Failed.
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Only Danny would know about his tard-ass stoner theory seeing how he is a poser stoner/burn-out/ loser in general and for playing the role, you are. Congratulations Danny, you annoying S.O.B.
Moving on-I told you I liked this when you showed it to me, and of course, I do. I thought it was depresseding (well no effing shizit) but still, it's unique how it's written this way and it puts emphasis on certain parts, makes them stand out, and I admire that.
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-.-' Again, Danny, you miss the picture. Thank you to TheTigressLove for commenting, I hope so too. This... like I said I didn't plan on showing this to people, but I DO like it, I mean, this is probably the truest poem I've posted, it's just the format that throws you. If you didnt get it I posted a comment V V V down there that explains it.
:/ A stoner. >> You're so eloquent. Shyeah. But thanks for the comment.
-Kiara Kuro - The Lovely Kelsey-chan -
Yeah about this... It's kinda different then what im used to... I guess what I'm saying is, it's good, but in a weird kinda out there way. It reminds me of stoners who decided to write music when they got high o.O
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hey
wow...awesome. sad but beautifully written. glad you posted it on here ^^. love how you write it. keep it up. and i hope you become happier. ♥
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Smanks
;P -
gasp!!
YOU CRAZY PERSON. HOW DARE YOU CONSIDER NOT SHARING THIS WONDERFUL PIECE OF SEXINESS WITH THE WORLD.
in other words I absolutely adore it and I would marry it if I could ily :]
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Thanks, to both of you who commented. I really like the style in which I did this, because it has a bit of meaning, and I'm going to explain that now, along with a few other things.
The thing with the ribbon actually means something, and if you read my poem Run Away, Far Away you will notice a line "Grasp my blue ribbon of insanity," that is where I got it and I have used ribbons as symbolism for insanity ever since. So that might make more sense now.
The key for this poem is as follows; There are 3 sections in this poem, each outlined with a heading in double dashes "-- --", whatever is said in those dashes can make sense applied to every line in the section. This poem is like a conversation, basically. The normal lines are spoken out loud, and are usually pretty bland, or sort of a lie, and what is in the brackets is the truth. If it's just in brackets it is spoken out loud, but if it is in (<-- I think that's every two letter word starting with "i") parenthesis as well it is only thought, not spoken. If it's in double brackets it has another meaning alone. Like for example
"No really
[[I want you] to]"
And that's pretty much it. This is expressing the hidden love for someone who is a friend, and the attempted pushing away of that person, because they have grown apart and they want it to feel mutual, and because the known indesire is a little too much. Before anyone asks, yes I did write it about someone, and no I will not say who, though I bet some may have a pretty good guess as to who it is.
And, as I said before, I wasn't meaning for anyone to see it, so yeah, it fits something a little too obviously well, but whatever. Enjoy what you will.
-Kiara no Kuro and her damnable ribbon. -
i love how you wrote it.
you gave me a gift
[(a ribbon)]
I wear it
[always (secretly)]
close to
[(my heart)]
thats so cool. great poem.
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i think this is something golden, there is a lot of heart in it, you dida great job on this poem, keep it flowing
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