give me second,
come listen or hear,
the sound of affection,
a voice or a cheer,
a noble mans' noble,
a coward mans' plight,
a dream weaved obession,
a daily mans' fight,
to kneel down or render,
a pick or a plee,
a rounded confession,
a rough boundward sea,
an age old creation,
a vaild citation,
the idea of patience,
and old mans' advice,
ye' little children,
yet wise or a fool,
a labouring moron,
or a slumbing mule,
to reap up and harvest,
or pull out and cast,
the rest in conviction,
the pull-parting past,
a cease of a heart ache,
a drill-forward love,
the idea, a lesson,
a great God above,
to beauty, a brissle,
a vain, corridor,
a play of confusion,
an un-opened door,
a trial, an error,
a forgotten, a must
just as a passion,
or unholy lust,
reguard recession,
the fighters' that resign,
trust in the silenece, that all's done in time...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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thank you again it sounds a little bit better anyways
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thanks for the thumbs up i am glad that I can entertain as much as i can find the time
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I like it. I found it interesting how you pulled together so many different things. And I also noticed all the spelling and usage errors, so I would just suggest reading over the poem once more and correcting them.
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Critically: line 7 obsession, line 14 valid situation, line 15 the (or was it meant to be thee?), line 16 (an or and?), line 38 regard and I think it's recession, line 39 resign?, and line 40 silence. Casually, this poem is pretty cool. I liked the many images that came to mind as I read a different line. *thumbs up*
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