we mold we break,
we take and forsake,
bleed towards the sweat and the brow,
the actions of cue?
the humble and due?
forge plenty forwards and the loyal as you,
man among children,
as sins among babes,
the mouth to the tounge,
the mind to the brain,
as stars and their ashes,
as lights weep, wept, song
the Gods to their Demons,
as to people their wrongs,
we sleep away our dreams,
as life reminds us of our ways,
if we keep above the reeves,
we won't have to waste away our days,
go unto your visions,
if there is not much of it left,
if you do not understand this?
you might of known just what I meant?
we have just one small life here,
we forget of that our own,
we will either live our lives together,
or' struggle to be alone,
we ask that we are people,
we don't see inside ourselves,
there are many others who have always been left out,
one trail after fire,
one after debt is paid,
one trail made of water,
so' that our souls are saved,
who are we to utter,
the iron besteeled by heat,
the blood that shed our brothers,
and the waters that are sweet,
give the fine reduction,
the last to what we've known,
the play wright of description,
and what we call our home,
I know that there are people who can not see beyond the ash,
but forgetting what we already know will bring about our past,
you see in time's oasis,
the water in the sands,
you see in time's objectives,
the power in God's hands,
we laugh, sing, and enjoy the moments,
both yet glad and then the sad,
we take both of what's to offer the good and yet the bad,
there are no guarentees,
no decrees along the way,
we have so many years to hear what the light of life has to say,
so' we pray we do not diminish the reason that comes at may...
06:04:16 pm • Leave a comment • Trackback (0) • Edit
A contest entry
- Pre-Writes Galore/no gold yet by piccola.
400 points, ended January 19, 100 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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your right
i tend to type fast so i place in errors alot with out checking em' -
I love it.
My favorite lines: Bleed towards the sweat and the brow.
I love you message
..nitpick just for a second..you spelled guarentees wrong, it should be gaurantee -
Just quickly: I noticed that their is spelled wrong in one instance... ordinarily that wouldn't matter to me a bit BUT since your work is so good, might as well clean up the tiny errors.
That aside, the only stanzas I felt troubled by was the dreams/reeves, ways/days and visions/this, left/meant ones. I recommend either rephrasing or deleting, the latter would probably be fine for the former, but clearly you are going to want to keep the later (sorry, thats sloppy, but you should be able to figure out what I mean).
In the end, in the light of life part, I'd change it from "has to say" to "might say"... it flows better.
Also look for gaurantees... misspelled as "guartees".
I really enjoyed this piece... reminded me of my own charter work "Love of a Bullet". This was an interesting read, with a solid flow.
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very interesting.
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thanx you for the corrections i always have that about me about writng their as thier.the i before e policy.
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Deep and long
The good thing is anyone can see you have made a huge effort to communicate your message(s). My problem with it is that there doesn't seem to be a controlling idea. However, the liberal doses of wisdom overshadow this flaw, and the spelling errors ('thier', 'guartees').
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man among children,
as sins among babes,
the mouth to the tounge,
the mind to the brain,
i really like that part. great poem.
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