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fear of whats to come

I felt you today, inside me
I felt you in my middle
I knew that you were finally here
wondering just how little

The feeling I felt was small
but it was more than real
you broke my consentration
and taught me once again how to feel

You were like a butterfly
and I looked upon my belly
trying to see where you were
but all I saw was jelly

I was happy in that moment
dreaming of what your life could be
I was happy in that moment
forgetting that your mother was me

Maybe you'll never have to know
where you almost came to be
maybe you'll never have to know
as long as it left up to me

My fear lies in that knowledge
seeping in your brain
from some loose lipped family member
who wants to bring the rain

But baby boy if I can hide this
and keep you ignorantly safe
for atleast 30 or 40 years
then maybe my life won't be a waste

It might be better to hear from me
about how mommy was sent to a prison cell
when you were only a flutter of thought
and the only deliverance from my hell

I don't want you to feel the pain
of the life that's led behind bars
and I'm terrified that you might bare the burden
my wretched world of scars

My fear lies in the possibility
that you might end up like me
wasting life on drugs and fights
that aren't worth what's free

I want something else for you
but if statistics dictate your strife
then you will fall into my tracks
and struggle in your life

I wonder should I end it now
to save myself and you
from all the disappointments
that always push there way through

Forever know I love you
and never second guess
that everything I do
is only for your best

I never ment to be a person
that could never walk the line straight
I only wanted a normal life
but it seems I couldn't wait

So now I sit and try my hardest
to wrestle free from fear
of what this life will bring you
and I pray it isn't tears





A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    April 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    OMG this really pulls the heart strings. Very well written and highly impacts the reader. Excellent work on this and best of luck to you.


  • Bedroom Eyes
    February 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It sounds as though you've been given a second chance to get yourself straight...do yourself and your new baby proud by using it wisely

    Life is what you make of it now...NOT in the past. If you can learn to forgive yourself and decide to walk that straight line now, you and your boy will be just fine

    very heartfelt write about a tough situation


  • Dusty Rose
    February 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely amazing..This is one of the best and most touching write I have read today..You should take a bow on this one...It's wonderful..

    Take care...Dusty


  • lostinhope
    February 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I think you should spell check the title


    • cantgetoverit
      February 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      you're right

      i like to spell come c-u-m but you're right it doesnt quite fit here does it. cum is one of those porn words lol bad placement on my part im just so used to writing it like that


  • Scrunter
    February 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Fantastic write. I really enjoyed reading this one as it made me really feel what I was reading!!! Well done and good luck in the comp.


  • Providence
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I work in a women's prison. I know women who have and are experiencing this. I think you have portrayed this well. Whatever their crime, their humanity, their feeling, fears hopes and love are still the same as any woman. But they have a deeper sense of the unknown.

    Marvelous write!
    Marianne


    • cantgetoverit
      February 22, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      thank you

      its nice to hear from someone who knows that world atleast to some extent

1 - 8 of 8