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Lips linger



 

 

 


She shimmers like a silent star,
then tattles truths of misleading murmurs.

     Mouths mute lying lullabies

     as an intense incense roams the room.

Her hair glows gorgeously,

when pure powers unfold until

beauty births with ardent ardor.

 

Her hands blend blossoming colors

and she shows the words of whistled whispers.

     Lips linger; kisses create

     busy butterflies and frail flowers.

Her heart's painting petals

and silent sighs reflect reasons

for nature's new summer season.

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Well, I had to write an alliterisen for a challenge...
This is a personification for summer.

http://shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/types.html if you want to look that up

This is a double alliterisen - rhyme for last two lines were not intended.


The Alliterisen (Complex and Rhyming), a form created by Udit Bhatia, is a simple seven-lined
poem with a specific syllable pattern and two alliterations per line. For example: Glorious Graves,
and wonderful waves. Alliteration is the succession of similar consonant sounds. They are not
recognized by spelling, but rather by sounds. The syllable structure for the Complex Alliterisen
is as follows:

1st line- x syllables
2nd line- x+2 syllables
3rd line- x-1 syllables
4th line- (x+2)-1 syllables
5th line- x-2 syllables
6th line- (x+2)-2 syllables
7th line- x syllables

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • GreenHrtPaleMoon gold member
    July 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    One word: Gorgeous!


  • rosepoet
    January 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome write . keep u pthe great work poet

  • heartpour
    August 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Great poem!Professionally done! More success on your compositions!


  • Hadji Murad
    April 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is beyond words.

    Can I include a cool picture?

    Wait---no. That's beyond words.

    Ummm

    Here



    Emotion!

  • Laura
    March 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this poem is amazing apart from the outstanding alliteration you have opened up new visions with your imagery technique well done love this is amazing
    laura xx

  • kaibab silver member
    March 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderful and sounds like my late spring early summer meadow when the first swallowtails stat to dance the wind to sigh in harmony to ponderosa skirt lifting in the song....so beautiful


  • Celticmoon gold member
    March 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Lee,

    You certainly have earned the right to be called the alliteration king! Well I know who to turn to should I need some serious help with my own some time

    This was absolutely goregous hun! Not a word of shall I say a syllable out of place. Sheer perfection trimmed in sweet golden rays of beauty.

    Bravo!




    Love
    Bel


  • Celticmoon gold member
    March 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    100

    It's perfect technically and in flow...the imagery of summer is sweetly romantic, sensual. You were able to take a complex form and make it seem so simple and effortless.

  • Rianna Bear
    February 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that was a "simple" form? You did it so flawlessly! The alliteration was magnificant. It looks like a lot of work, when you see the form...like a dang algebra problem...but you really made it so beautiful and made it look like you did it effortlessly.
    My favorite line...hmm...a lot to pick from.
    "Her heart's painting petals
    and silent sighs reflect reasons
    for nature's new summer season."-rhyme not intentional, but it closed it up perfectly. Good work!
    *R

  • marrow
    February 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    excellent work, leander.
    i would not be surprised in the slightest bit if you end up being the winner of this challenge. you are beyond amazing in all that you do.

    best of luck this round, man. you'll not be needing it though, i feel. not after this amazing entry.

    j

  • sjanedark
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    i like it

    it does give a summer feeling when you read it. I have not much looked into formal forms of poetry, exept for haiku. But reading other peoples work inspires me to try things. This sure makes me think I should look into this alliteration thing. It makes such a nice sound.

    Alles goed met jou? Een goede dag gewenst.


  • Debbie Hansman
    February 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Leander...it's been a long time.. ...I've been offline for a time. Only getting on when by chance. Computer had been down but now it is up and running.
    I have never heard of this form of writing tho I am a freelance(I guess you could say type writer)
    But I found such beauty in this write.
    I thought it was wonderful!
    As always I am so impressed with your writing no matter what style you use..
    Love your work!

    debbie


  • Desire gold member
    February 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Whoa-

    Oh my word!
    Alliteration King~
    You just love to alliterate and had the near perfect
    form to work with~
    Alliterisen...which I enjoyed doing some time back~

    (watched You work in the past challenges)

    Magnificently created my Friend and what a work of
    poetic art I imagine Udit smiling
    I tried reading this one 3 times fast and almost
    hyperventilated~ which is a good sign
    Loved It!!

    Best wishes to You in the Challenge!
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    February 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Never saw this sytle before...I really like it..Now if I can remember all the rules..lol This was an awesome piece.
    Thanks for sharing.
    Soulful Woman


  • Whoochi gold member
    February 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow...utterly speechless as a virgin to AP...have found this form stunning and the prose you have chosen are impeccable...Love this form with the consecutive consonants..Brilliance! Sheer Brilliance..You better win a shiney thing for this!!!


  • JM Kenyon silver member
    February 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Again, I've never actually written in this orm, but studied up knowing I'd be reading some of these in this contest

    This is a breathtaking poem and again, your prowess with metaphor shines through brilliantly! Fabulous work Leander! s and best wishes always... ~Genie~


  • Canto-Brasileiro
    February 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    the guide lines I didn't read, but I did feel your poem reading in a very pleasant rhythm
    Ah, how enjoyable you have showed Summer here! I can't wait to feel and see all that again. You know, it's really refreshing reading such a beautiful Summer poem when Winter still around. Thanks for that


  • poetryality silver member
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am truly learning from this round of the challenge. Your author's note explain the form well. Your poem is stunning and lends itself with an effortless sense to the beauty of this form. Brilliant work poet. I wish you well in this round.

    Much Love ♥

    Renee


  • micha
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful, just beautiful..I noticed your wonderful alliteration as I read and felt the metaphor of new light, but didn't know about this form, it seems to me you met this challenge so very well and I thank you for sharing your so lovely piece and the notes on this form...
    Just a most beautiful poem, leander, wow, you have quite a gift


  • Kari gold member
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    BRO!! You did such a wonderful job on this form..wow I'm blown away!
    Keep it up hun.


    Kari


  • Eeyores Buddy
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Just dropped by, and this is what i've missed - well written and beautiful pieces of your poetry. Awesome job my dear! =)

    Katy xxx


  • Nicolette gold member
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A perfect painting of pastel petals - so skillfully sung onto this page. Wonderful alliteration here, leander. To apply alliteration as poetic device and to do it as smoothly as you did here, is no easy task. Beautiful with a fragility about it that is just...fantastic (my own little attempt at alliteration)!!



    ~ Nicolette

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