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Paradise Found

There's a well worn
Beaten dirt path
Back behind the old red barn
That leads to a special place
Come on along I'll take you there.
Hop on I'll give you a piggy back ride
As we've got a ways to go.

The path flows downwards
Towards the bottom of
Some small rolling hills
It is encompassed with lilac bushes
You reach out and grab some
You relish their scent
As you wave them under my nose
I am calmed, by your joy.

At the end of the path
Is this special place
This dome-less wonder
Tall oaks and ash trees
grow all around
Water springs out
From the side of a hill
And trickles through rocks
Ending up in a bubbly hot spring
A foggy, misty haze
Rises off of the pond
And the air smells of springtime.

We lay on a blanket
Holding hand in hand
Looking up at the sky
Watching white cotton ball clouds
Floating gently by.
Ratta tat tat
A red headed woodpecker
Knocks on an oak
Capturing our attention
For a moment
As a horned owl
Speaks to us in the distance
whoo....who..who..who

I turn to admire you
Your slender frame
Your long dark hair
Pulled back in a ponytail
Your cute little nose
Holding up your black glasses
Which frame your deep blue eyes
You smile
As a monarch butterfly
Floats past your face
I am mesmerized
By your enchanting beauty.

You turn towards me
With a serious look
And you smile
"Last one in is a rotten egg"
And you spring to your feet
Stripping to your swim suit
As you run for the pond
I am close behind
As I catch you
I wrap my arms around you laughing
You turn around facing me
With a fiendish smirk
You tickle me
Making your escape
You quickly jump in
Declaring me the rotten egg
As you splash me
I jump in after you
Cannonball style
I come to you
I pick you up
And gaze into your eyes
As I slowly let you slide back down
We stand there embracing
Face to face


This has always been a special place
But with you it becomes Paradise
I could spend forever
In this paradise
With you.

Author notes


whyitt u

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 36 of 36

  • perfectsunset gold member
    March 24

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.. gorgeous imagery
    & well-compelled thoughts.

    This was a true masterpiece!
    Congrats on all trophies won,
    surely well deserved

    Thanks for entering & best of luck


  • Symphony
    February 12

    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on all the trophies;

    You brought us ALL as readers on a magical journey, and I have to admit that my very favourite part was at the beginning stanza, with,

    "Come on along I'll take you there.
    Hop on I'll give you a piggy back ride
    As we've got a ways to go."

    From there on it was a tale of myth, and mystery - and finally to that perfect place, the place that we all wish we had to go to when we want to escape from the world and take sanctuary elsewhere.

    Marvelous writing - thanks for entering


  • Angierie
    February 11

    Edit | Reply
    Holy trophies on this one Sweetness!!


  • Ftw lol
    January 15

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, its amazing and what description, It sounds like a paradise that you couldn't fine in reality. So gracefull like Eden and two people ho seem to care for one another alot. Well writtten and good luck


  • Daisy Ballerina
    January 6

    Edit | Reply
    That's beautiful....
    It's won so many awards!
    Thank you for entering my contest!!

  • Shrouded in Mystery
    April 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this seems like my kind of paradise, just a special place of your own. Good luck and thank you for entering.


  • Luminescence
    February 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow... I liked this... writing a poem about a simple moment between two people in love... it was great. It really touched my heart... I have only one suggestion for you. Learn to run faster... noone likes roten eggs... lol just kidding.

    Thank you for entering my contest and good luck,
    ~lumin


  • Melissa Burns
    February 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering this poem into my humble little contest, congrats on all the wins and good luck with it.


  • Naridill gold member
    January 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Reminded me of the song 'i'll take you there'. But a very new and uplifting version. Crafted well and deeply. Beautifully worded.

    Thanks for entering,


  • katie-jo
    January 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Keep writing like this and you will go so far, this is amazing.
    Thank you for entering and all the best in the contest.


  • Celticjedi
    December 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You are a genius. Not joking at all, this is one of the best poems I've ever read. Get this out there, this could lead you somewhere! lol. Brilliant job. Thanks so much for entering, keep it up.
    Cj


  • Simply Simple
    December 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Awwwww. How sweet. You really captured my attention. I have always loved poems that showed true real raw emotion. This one definately did that. It really spoke to me and made me smile. I guess what you showed was that any place can become paradise, depending on how you see it. Great job and Best of Luck.


  • Heavenly Angel gold member
    December 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I can certainly understand why you think this is your best write
    I love it!
    The smallest of things or the most mundane places can become paradise when with the one who holds your heart
    Thank you for sharing this! I love it!


  • in silver script
    May 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is really great. I can see why you won gold. Great job...I loved the way you wrote this, it was like I could see it....great job.


  • poetryality silver member
    May 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    There is wonderful imagery here poet. The sounds and realism of love abounds in this work. I love the steady flow and enchantment. Very nicely penned with a quick quip to boot. Thank you ever so much for this entry in my challenge. I wish you well.


    Much Love ♥

    Renee


  • Pollycheck
    May 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for subjecting yourself to my review. This is a wonderfully written love poem that is just filled with vivid imagery. The meter is pefect and the poem flows very well. Just a suggestion, not meaning that it is wrong to start with.

    As a monarch butterfly
    Soars past your face

    Would you consider:

    As a monarch butterfly
    Floats past your face

    I have always thought of a butterfly more as floating by than soaring by. I consider this an excellent write and only make a suggestion to maybe even make it better.


    • Whyitt U
      May 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks much, you are right, butterflies do more floating than soaring...I did change it....thanks again.


  • buddyboy
    April 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Good poem. Good luck.


  • BloodCrusted
    March 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully written!!!

    Thank you for the entry!
    -System of Cyanide

    (Sorry for the short comment. So many poems to read =/)


  • Autumns Soul
    March 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great piece...Thank you for entering and goodluck in my contest.


  • Ice queen 17
    March 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    hey that was a beautiful write amazing i love it thnks for entering and good luck.


  • aGent Lemon
    March 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    There's another contest that I have opened so feel free to enter as you got a very good chance at winning a trophy.

  • aGent Lemon
    March 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Very Tastefully Done

    Thank you very much for entering this contest. I should be able to add much more of a comment on this later on since there are so many other submissions.

    For some reason, the system won't let me add you to my list of finalists.


  • Allure of a Rose
    March 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I've enjoyed this piece very much, though it wasn't at all what I expected.
    I think you could use a few more poetic devices here and there but overall I liked it.

    -Allura


  • Ninth-Poet
    March 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    BEAUTIFUL

    The greates value of this piece are it's precious desciptive description that make this piece so wonderful to my eyes. My eyes were as well moved by it flows. When I read this piece , I immediately connected and had a sense that these sort of words I would have chosen if I had penned something of similar sort

    -Keep the ink flowing
    -Good luck in the contest
    -Monachos


  • lucy sky-diamond
    March 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is lovely, wonderful description, i can see why it won those other trophies. congratulations on such a great write


  • Luna Darling
    March 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I agree with Ck. Excellent! I think this is an amazing poem and I am glad I read it!

    Good Luck in the Contest.
    Luna.


  • ckwriter69
    March 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent imagery and descriptions. We all have these wonderful secret places to go to where we can solve all of our earthly cares. And always best to share with a special friend. Nice work and very heartfelt. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.


  • XxHopefulDreamerxX
    February 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    OOHH MY GOSH!!!

    This is one of the most beautiful pieces I have ever read!!! I just love the love piece you come up with! You and this girl mus be so much in love! Because it shows in your writting! And it is just gorgeous! I love to read your poetry. It makes me long for this kind of love that you two share. After reading some of your poetry I feel like I need this kind of love! WOW Great job...Great Write...NEVER STOP WRITING!!!!


  • tawk gold member
    February 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow what a wonderful get away. I just loved your write so full of imagery and love. Good luck in my contest


  • Angierie
    February 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Quick question.. is this place real at all?
    If it is it sounds absolutely perfect!!


  • th3sl4y3r
    February 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this poem told a great story, great visions. great wording... nicely done!! I really like the structure and flow of this poem.. beautifully written, well done!!

  • Angierie
    February 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow.. that was honestly just.. well.. amazing..
    you made me cry, so beautiful.
    Thank you so much.. it made my day.


  • Child of an Angel
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Hmm

    Wow, i SEEN it all, amazing job with the imagery! I loved it! You have skills that broaden my horizons each time i read. This was like movieish to me, like i was watching part of a movie. Wonderful job an keep the pen flowing!!
    Always
    Emimly


  • elemental angel
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful imagery felt like I was with you. Beautiful
    Bravo


  • okadadokie
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You could give me a piggy back ride to paradise.j/k. I need a vacation. lol. Who is she? Who is this person who makes you write so beautifully? Your thoughts of this person written on paper(computer), make my heart soar. How I wish someone would think of me that way. Super Duper write!
    ~Oka

1 - 36 of 36