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Vernal Bloom

 

Vernal Bloom

 

I’m a vernal bloom, the tender daughter of spring

My fair essence has been woven of pure beauty

Into the land of eternity I flap my heart’s wings

This freed dove is nourished by glittering purity

 

I’m that awaited messenger of freshness and vitality

Of roaring rivers; green nature I bring all glad tidings

Yes! Spring will come to establish justice and equality

and then for mirth and happiness little canaries sing

 

The fate of winter days is joined to mortal doom and gloom

A miracle will be expected if your warm hands take mine

Into life’s garden, come, my companion, with me to bloom

Our fragrance may create another spring through these lines

 

Author notes

I thank my dear auntie Deone (mamad) and my great friend Ian (Individuality) for helping me correcting this piece. I appreciate your support.

Please tell me what you think [Reward: double points]

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
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Comments

1 - 58 of 58

  • Ken-Maverick gold member
    July 24
    Edit | Reply

    Very Well Written

    You're a very talented writer my friend,

    My fair essence has been woven of pure beauty
    Into the land of eternity I flap my heart’s wings
    This freed dove is nourished by glittering purity

    Captivating and profound lines that take the reader into a world of fairytales
  • individuality gold member
    July 9
    Edit | Reply

  • macandrew
    June 12
    Edit | Reply

    very good

    Yes! Spring will come to establish justice and equality

    This line alone was worth the read as it takes me to many interesting places.

    A joy.
    John

  • Rose of Ireland gold member
    May 28
    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant!!!

    Absolutely inspiring work, Poet!!! Stunning ideas flowing within the body of this creative wonder!!! Excellent metaphoric surrealism and outstanding imagery equal a masterpiece's living testamony of your muse's maahvahlous creativeness!!! Write on, shine on!!! Peace, Cyn
  • individuality gold member
    May 5
    Edit | Reply
    and spring is here right now as the morning sun shines light


  • SpiritDarkmaiden
    April 23
    Edit | Reply
    I loved it, and the picture is extremely adorable. ^^

  • MotorcycleFreak silver member
    March 28

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    This is a wonderful piece of art. It reminds me of the Goddess giving birth to the God so he may grow stronger as spring summer passes. I love the time of spring and you have made my day. Thank you for sharing this. ~Peace~Gary

    . Rewarded 4


  • ShadowsAngel
    March 9

    Edit | Reply
    Wow that was a really good one. First impression when I looked at it I thought it would have much different. I really cannot find any parts I don't like in it! The emotion and visual image it brings is just... phenomenal...

    . Rewarded 4


  • Petto-Lemony
    February 17
    Edit | Reply
    I really like it
    you havea a beautiful way with words
    here are three applauds


  • Angel Felice Seals
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    ok here is the thing the picture went very well with the poem i enjoyed reading this the flow was great the title went very well with this you have talent i thought this was written with such passion and grace it is a beautiful piece very well done keep it flowing and never let the ink run dry

    . Rewarded 6


    • Vernal Bloom
      February 17
      Edit | Reply
      Ah you're really a kind and encouraging person. I thank you kindly for your sweet comment

  • antichrist
    October 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    wonderfully written!

    aww this write fits so perfectly with the photo prompt.

    "My fair essence has been woven of pure beauty
    Into the land of eternity I flap my heart’s wings."

    I found this part to really suck me in(beautiful imagery)... Every verse in this write goes together, and reads so smoothly...

    excellent write, very sweet and calm!

    Keep the pen flowing!

  • Romily
    September 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Nicely Done

    I really love the poem. Nice use of images have given a beautiful shape to it. And I must confess the background is so much perfect and cute one for your poetry. You got a good taste to present your work to us.

  • NikkiR
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love this piece, the flow perfectly fits the piece. I would suggest adding a couple of commas into the poem. For instance, in the first stanza I would add a comma after eternity and replace the semi-colon after rivers to a comma as well.

  • H4rd Kisses
    September 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    :)

    I really loved this piece. The imagery and warmth that come through your descriptive words is astounding! The image fits well with the piece which just adds even more to the poem. and then for mirth and happiness little canaries sing is such a great line. It really adds alot of emotion to this poem. I can literally feel and smell spring here. Great job and thanks for sharing!

    Love and Peace ***~*~*~*Stacey*~*~*~***

  • Poetic Tasha Moderators member
    August 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very beautiful write.
    you have a lovely way with words.

    Tasha


  • WinE-reDpuddles
    August 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow. i love your descriptiveness! this is an amazing piece of poetry!

    A miracle will be expected if your warm hands take mine

    Into life’s garden, come, my companion, with me to bloom

    those were my fav lines

    . Rewarded 4


  • Mujtaba H Zaidi
    August 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Great Attribute!

    The lovers of beauty never forget to pay their sincere attributes to the beauty and joys of Spring nature offers to man. Your style is simultaneous and imagination is magnificent like fragrance of jasmine or sight of roses!!!

  • JustSomeKracker
    August 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a truly great poem. There was such vibrant language which entices the reader and helps to create beautiful images in one's head while reading this poem. Keep up the good work

  • ravenblade18
    July 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this poem is deeply written expressing yourself to the reader as you write it. It keeps the reader interested the hole way through, hopeing that they can get to know the person through the poem. My favorite line would have to be "I’m that awaited messenger of freshness and vitality,Of roaring rivers; green nature I bring all glad tidings"

    It gives the reader a since of peace as they read on. great job on this, it really shows your hard work and dedication you have put into this poem.

  • XXDarkness-DecayXX
    July 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    bring lightness to MY COLD BLACK HEART, BEAUTIFULLY SED!!!!!!!!!!! I loved the --The fate of winter days is joined to mortal doom and gloom,
    A miracle will be expected if your warm hands take mine!
    Into life’s garden, come, my companion, with me to bloom,
    Our fragrance may create another spring through these lines!
    That was like the best lnes I have reed, and I dont usually read happy poems or things related to happy, but by far that is like a really good poem!

    . Rewarded 8


  • esroddo silver member
    July 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    So poetic, beautiful and creative write. I love your amazing words and this stance. (LISA)
    "I’m that awaited messenger of freshness and vitality,
    Of roaring rivers; green nature I bring all glad tidings.
    Yes! Spring will come to establish justice and equality
    and then for mirth and happiness little canaries sing!"

    . Rewarded 6


  • Jonathan ROBIN gold member
    July 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Promise...sing

    You're always with me..but I'm far from myself. ... perhaps yet writing in English "Far see" is in no way farsical and apparently helps reconciliation


    Variation on a theme hovering on the border between prose and poetry this could benefit from reformulation in some areas such as :

    perhaps for ...


    I’m a vernal bloom, the tender daughter of spring.
    My fair essence has been woven of pure beauty.
    Into the land of eternity I flap my heart’s wings,
    This freed dove is nourished by glittering purity.

    one might consider ...

    Vernal bloom, tender daughter of spring.
    My essence is woven from beauty.
    Towards and througheternity I flap heart’s wings,
    Free dove nourished by glittering purity.





    Hoping this comment is construed as constructive criticism ...

  • Mansoor
    July 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You are already a great poetess..and this is a beautiful write..i really love this one.. it shows brilliancy.. how beautifully its written! i luv it...
    God bless..keep up d good work

  • Jeremy0826 gold member
    July 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is very beautiful
    with some great imagery in it.
    I love poems about the earth
    and nature like this. Great
    work and thanks a lot for
    sharing this here. Best of
    luck to you with it in the
    contest!




    Jeremy0826

  • Thrilla N9nna 503
    July 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was lovely. Just beautiful beautiful imagery. I loved it so so so much! You used such great words too. Some of those words I have never seen in a poem so it was a nice change, and I also liked the rhyme scheme.

  • Rain86
    July 3, 2007
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    This is incredibly beautiful. I love poetry about spring and nature and this was one of the best. Very descriptive and full of imagery and life and just...all around wow. What a beautiful poem and I cannot wait to read more of your amazing work! Nicely done!

  • mland5
    June 29, 2007

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    niec poem aye, good luck in the contests you have entered , well alredy finished but stil a good poem in any case

  • Lady-Pegasus
    April 3, 2007

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    Thank you for your contest submission as well as for following the rules. I found this piece tender and warm, the technicalities of it are perfect. I am going to remove this, not because it was not good, but it is not quite what I am looking for, besides, I have read enough of yours to know that the piece, which is lacking a little OOMPH in it, is not quite as good as others of yours, so I hope you will replace it, remembering the 5 limit rule please. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *


  • Starswhispers silver member
    March 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A lovely poem so refreshing with a good imagery, it is more a kind of reverse personification but still very enjoyable to read.
    Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.

  • Frodofan silver member
    March 13, 2007
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    Scored. You can request your score when the contest is over.

  • Random Thoughts
    March 11, 2007

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    What an amazingley sincere and beautiful poem,I really loved reading this it was inspirational,
    Fantastic,
    Best of luck in my contest, and theanks for sharing,

    -Brenden

  • Lyre-Bird- gold member
    March 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Firstly I would like to thank you for entering my contest!!!!!!!

    What a beautiful description you have given here......
    an amazing vision is painted before my eyes...
    really makes the reader feel spiritually lifted....

    I am sure you would make a beautiful neice
    goodluck

    Tracey

  • Frodofan silver member
    March 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely done. Thanks for entering.

  • Debbysmiles gold member
    February 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a beautiful piece, well written and a pleasure to read. Very romantic. Blessings. Debby

  • Poet of Dreams
    February 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    good ryhme scheme, and wonderful images. brings alot to the readers mind. you paint the picture well with these words, and show alot of talent. I personaly feel that the ryhtm of the poem seems a bit choppy and unrefined, not fitting the message. maybe breakup each line in two and make it a half ryhme. that may work, but it's your choice.

    Good Write and God Bless
    The Unrequited Writer
    Ben B.

  • April Renee
    February 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very interesting. different. overall, a good job with flow and rhyme scheme. all in all, a good read. enjoyed.

    blu
  • Sunshinegf
    February 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I LOVED IT

    I LOVE THIS ONE
    GREAT WORK ON IT

  • pruedence
    February 27, 2007

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    I love the garden and what spring does bring..so this piece touched me...you have captured winter leaving with spring poking her head out with buds and green...nicely done.thanks for sharing

  • zain
    February 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    oops.. forgot to applaud


  • zain
    February 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    The vivid imagery here is delightful, you've outdone yourself! It's refreshingly spirited and full of life and the last para is the cream of the whole poem. I adore the style in which you've portrayed your lovely nickname, the quintessence of spring.
    Thanks a lot for the enchanting read. Take care my amazingly talented sis

    Zain

  • cafegroundzero silver member
    February 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    There's either a complex structure that escapes me

    Or the blank verse simply lets the meaning of the words and phrases speak for their selves.

    I'm not sure that maybe there are some clichés: "glad tidings," "mortal doom and gloom," "warm hands," "life's garden," to say the least, that maybe you could describe in other ways. But who am I to say? I'm just an underemployed substitute teacher who can't hardly tell a villanelle from a terza rima.

    You go ahead and write, damn the critics, full speed ahead! I love your zest, the balm of your lyric verse! It sure would be easy to do worse!

  • GuardianPhoenix7289
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Interesting!

    I liked it alot! It had a solid structure and really described let's say... something else. You really did well with this and I commend you! I like how you describe yourself as the ending to the darkness that is winter and your adjective choice is phenomenal! Great job!!!


  • Rose Angel gold member
    February 22, 2007

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    A Masterpiece!

    Ah, to read again your lovely poetry is truly is as your name Vernal bloom! Every line with imagery and beauty! One cannot miss one line,repeating it or writing it..for fear of missing something lovely..." Come my companion with me to bloom, our fragrance may create another spring through these lines" Swept off my feet, with this lovely work! Masterpiece!

  • Quiet places
    February 22, 2007

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    Refreshing!

    A very refreshing display of the full meaning of one's name. With imagery and emotion to spice up the clarity of the write. Content flows with discripive reflections of the beauty in lfe and love blooming in the seasons. Excellent poem! you penned this to perfection Massy. Don


  • cafegroundzero silver member
    February 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Good, very glad and full of life

    I would like to read again and again, and comment more later. As it is, now I must go get my children from the care-takers.


  • catz Moderators member
    February 22, 2007

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    Splendiferous !

    Massy, you have indeed written a most beautiful and informing poem about your name. This is truly a n accurate discription of my lovely and talented niece.

    I love the whole poem, but the last verse is so loving and compassionate, and so true. If we walk with beauty and hope, we become beautiful and fulfilled.

    Excellent, my dear

    Much love and big
    Auntie Dee

  • Ir.muse
    February 22, 2007

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    hi dear sister

    Welcome back on writing poems. This is a very beautiful piece. I'm glad to have you back here.
    Love you
    Wish you the best.

    Shahrzad


  • ParadiseBliss
    February 22, 2007

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    Dear Massy,
    Your imagination soars as you write. This is evident from this truly wonderful piece of poetry, loaded with such vivacious imagery, it almost becomes a painting in itself. You really paint with words. Great going!!
    Best,
    Khaahar Joon

  • less than a poet
    February 22, 2007

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    lil sis u r indeed the vernal bloom bringing spring and life to the winter am living in , what a sweet poem is this full of imagery and sweetness made me feel d spring be4 seeing it thank u


    I’m that awaited messenger of freshness and vitality,
    Of roaring rivers; green nature I bring all glad tidings.
    Yes! Spring will come to establish justice and equality
    and then for mirth and happiness little canaries sing!

    loved it


  • Mujtaba H Zaidi
    February 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Amazing!

    What a beautiful description of the splendour of Spring and the expression of revealing the beauties natural objects offer to man...Congratulations respected Ma'suma!


  • mamad gold member
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Not much to suggest in correcting the English. Line 2 drop the "the". Let the line read "of pure beauty". With the period at the end of the line you are ending the thought and I wonder if you mean that your essence has been woven "out of" the beauty of spring?? If that is so, then I would make the line read "essence has been woven out of its pure beauty." Line 3,"Into" the land and there is no need of a comma after eternity but put a comma after "wing" and add "while" to the beginning of Line 4 Line 5 the word is "awaited" meaning that something is waited for. Put a comma after vitality and a semi colon in Line 6 after rivers. add "of" to green nature and change "brought" to "bring" . Line 9, put q comma after gloom and a '"but" at the beginning of Line 10 so that the two line read

    "the fate of winter days is jointed to gloom and doom,
    but a miracle will occur if your warm hands take mine.
    Into life's garden, come, my companion, with me to bloom,
    And our fragrance will create another spring through these lines!

    These changes are for English idiom and not anything wrong with your grammar. The changes in the verbs I suggested because you are changing "tenses" from present to past to future. These changes put them in the proper sequence of time. Of course, all of these changes are mine and not your thoughts. I try to read into the poems you write what I think you are trying to say. I may not be successful. This is a lovely poem. It reflects my lovely internet niece. Your poetry is getting better and better every day. You will notice that I have almost nothing to comment on as far as the grammar is concerned, but only in punctuation and idiom. Love, Auntie


  • JohnnyD gold member
    February 22, 2007

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    Massy! I must admit that is one Blooming good poem!

    nice spring time quality to it of new love and wonderment.
    this last stanza i really like;

    The fate of winter days is joined to doom and gloom.
    A miracle might occur if your warm hands take mine!
    In life’s garden, come in companion with me to bloom;
    Our fragrance may create another spring through these lines!


    yes, indeed, most refreshing! thank you for gifting us with this today!

    JD


  • Namita silver member
    February 22, 2007

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    Wow Massy,
    This is wonderful. A great depiction of your name and your nature. I love the rhyming and flow of this poem...

    "The fate of winter days is joined to doom and gloom.
    A miracle might occur if your warm hands take mine!
    In life’s garden, come in companion with me to bloom;
    Our fragrance may create another spring through these lines! "

    Beautiful my friend, beautiful. This is an excallent piece of art. Thanxx for the invite to read your poem. Keep penning such beauties.

    [If there was an option to give 100 applauses...]

    Luv,
    Candy

  • Peaches -n- Cream
    February 22, 2007

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    So very beautiful !

    Honey, I love it.. it is extremely well written and flows beautifully.. hope all is well as college... I look forward to hearing from you! Auntie....


  • Sacrificial Love
    February 22, 2007

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    Oh how beautiful...

    sweet Massy... you are the epitome of beauty... and spring...so vibrant...so colorful...so fresh...and so lovely.

    I love this from beginning to end.

    Love to you,
    Heidi

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