Kill me, Kill me.
Just make sure its painful.
Stab me, Stab me.
Just slash me savagely.
Hate me, Hate me.
Don't pretend that you love me.
Shoot me, Shoot me.
Just pull the trigger.
Hate me, Hate me.
Don't hold anything down.
Choke me, Choke me.
Just tighten your grip.
Hate me, Hate me.
Don't ever forgive me.
Drown me, Drown me.
Just hold me down with force.
Hate me, Hate me.
Kill me, Kill me.
Just make sure I'm dead.
Author notes
01/25/88 This is very repetitive and very fast paced because I made it with a tune in my head... so if you want to get a better feel of it... imagine a quick tune when your reading this... i made a really good catchy tune to this so I go around singing it everywhere...so if you want make a catchy tune for yourself and sing it like me... I know im a dork
A contest entry
- HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIE? by star lunatic.
600 points, ended March 9, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Song/Lyric Writer's Contest by Acronym.
850 points, ended March 9, 2007, 19 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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You're not a dork. You are just a human being blessed and sometimes cursed by the talent of creative muse. I already had a tune in my head when I read it even before reading your authours notes so I know where you're coming from. I am a bit of a Nine Inch Nails fan and I think this had a bit of a NIN feel to it and would work brillianty in a song if expanded on. Though in the interest of your mental heath being someone who has suffered from mental illness of many sorts over the years I feel compelled to remind you that expressing yourself this way is one thing and can be healthy, but thinking like this often and believing this sort of thing will lead to a mental 'downward spiral' pardon the pun.
I like this though I know it will be one of those poems that just isn't for everyone which is probably what draws me to it I love some good old fashion controversy.
Well done you got me raving. Lol.
V. -
good songs sometimes have
very few lines. given that, I could see this working in a way and I didn't know that there was a specific fn word count cop out there deeming whats appropriate for a song. given this, I think if you remix some of the lines together, there could be a chorus put together. oh ya, way to put on the hate.
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I'm sorry, but this doesn't qualify for the contest, even under the new rules, your song would have to be longer.
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I like dorks
Indeed repetitive and very hate filled it seems. Lots of anger GRR lol but anyway yeah I think it may be a bit short for a song so it kinda reminds me of like a nursery rhyme gone horribly wrong lol or a creepy chant but I also got the feel of it being very fast paced. I definitely like all of the scenarios. Yet I'm not sure what I think about this, its great but cant decide on something...not sure
well best of luck in the contest and my thoughts whatever they'll turn out to be
"Just make sure I'm dead."
The ending was really awesome, and very fitting
-Acronym -
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I'm a Cool Dork though (haha not really)
wow I never really thought about the piece being like a nursery rhyme... makes sense though... yeah it is a nice creepy nursery rhyme... hahah I like it even more thinking about it in that way... thanks
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interesting.. this was really angry and made me feel like you gave up on something. It kindof reminds me of my poem http://allpoetry.com/poem/208253 theyre not at all alike because this one is about someone else (or it could possibly be you, but thats hidden) killing you and giving up on fighting.. mine is about me giving up on myself..
I love it when I can relate to things. Nice work.
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I really liked this. I loved how you repeated "hate me, hate me"
A very forceful, brutal write.
But I really did enjoy it.
"Just make sure I'm dead."
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I can feel "a beat" and I think the repetition just adds more to the poem. Kinda adds an extra feeling to it... It's good, and the last line "Just make sure I'm dead." brings out that extra touch. It's a kinda freaky poem, like in death scares me, but you've done a really good job here!
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Actually, I felt a sort of chant going on in my brain while reading your poem. I did not mind the repetitive use of words and form because it created a consistency within the poem. I actually like it for that.
Good luck and thanks for entering dear.
Love,
Tal
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