Memories of my grandpa
Flood my thoughts each day,
His spirit lives within me
There's so much I could say
A man with a lifetime
Of happiness and pain,
I know someday our paths will cross
In Heaven once again
His snow white hair
His heart so true,
Not a day went by
He didn't say Roni Lynn, I love you
His eighty two year lifespan
His proudness of our flag,
His ship USS BUNKER HILL
The name on his tarnished dog tag
This great man, my grandpa
Had been bombed and set on fire,
The things he had endured
Never once made him tire
He loved his two grandchildren
The lights of his elderly life,
He often sat and pondered
And thought about Louise, his lovely wife
They were married fifty long years
God's wish was to take her that day,
Grandpa couldn't seem to go on
That's when I made him a promise that day
I vowed that I would look after
A man, lost without his spouse,
I cooked and bought groceries
I even helped clean his house
Without the help of my family
I couldn't have gotten along,
It was all up to GOD above
To hold him up and try to be strong
He tried to keep busy every minute
Doing things he used to do,
Playing Santa Claus, even riding a float
Going to church, sitting in the back pew
I'll never forget one bright Sunday
In a white robe he was baptized,
I was also in the water with him
I cried when we helped him arise
I could go on and on about grandpa
I miss him so much that I cry,
I'll never forget him always in a suit
His white hair combed, with a matching tie
He cried often about his country
His pride, the red, white, and blue,
He sailed on a ship in the Pacific
For everyone including me and you
His face invades my thoughts daily
GOD assures me that he is okay,
If it wasn't for him, I'd go crazy
But I know he will show me the way
Author notes
I wrote this about the man who raised me. A veteran, a mason, Sunday school teacher, the OLE SOREHEAD for all our towns celebrations, commander at all three of our town clubs, VFW, EAGLES, AMERICAN LEGION. He marched in umpteen parades, played SANTA for over 50 years. On Christmas Eve, me and my kids would take Santa all over town, where he hid in the bushes until the kids came to the door. They broke the molds when they made MR. AND MRS. FRANK AND LOUISE HAFFORD. GOD REST THEIR SOULS.
"Help Me Feel Again"
Ichose option 6, Sacrifice of self
A contest entry
- Prewrite " SPECIAL" by wingsofgold25.
450 points, ended May 17, 2007, 123 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rounds with AngieMarie. ROUND ONE!! PREWRITES! All welcome!!! by Angierie.
450 points, ended May 8, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nostalgic For Disaster by BAMFNx3.
450 points, ended July 25, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Memories. by Poetryintheblood.
450 points, ended March 10, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Help Me Shed my Skin (PW welcome!) by TheDemonEve.
1100 points, ended June 29, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Write Contest by Heavens Child.
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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Beautiful sentiments you've written. I think it's very important that children take care of their parents/grandparents. Too often they get left in nursing homes and forgotten.
In general the flow is good, although there are some spots where it could be tightened a little. Overall, it's well written. Thank you for entering. -
This is a beautiful dedication and such a detailed poem too. Really invited me into your life and let me peek around.
Thank you for entering -
This is such a sweet story and it is such a nice way to share your feeling for your grandparents. For my taste I think it was a bit too long winded but it was obvious that you had a lot to say. I think maybe that you restricted your lines too much making them so short and there were places where the rhyme wasn't right, like too pressured or rhyming day with day. And the religious part was definitely not my taste but it is obviously important to you.
Overall I think it is a good effort and a very swet thing to write for your grandpa.
thanks for entering my contest
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thank you very much. this was incredibly heartfelt. thank you again.
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Thank you for your beautiful entry, good luck, Josie
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I have read your verse
Thank you so much for submitting your words to my contest
I will comment in detail on my final selections
I wish you well in the contest
Thank you
Rick
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The title of this poem caught my attention, I am now taking care of my granparents who raised me.
My grandfather is very sick and may not make it much longer. He is 81, 82 in febuary is Navy vet, was bombed and plucked out of pacific ocean and many other things that you have described about your grandfather.
Your poem touched my heart! Great rythm to it and so sweet!
Thanx for sharing these memories,
Nicole
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Wow. I really liked this poem. It was filled with emotion and love. Your rhyme and flow were great. Your Grandpa sounds like a great man. I'm sorry he passed. Good luck in my contest!
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This is a really heartfelt poem, and I'm sure your grandpa would be proud to know how you felt. It makes me so happy to hear about how much people love each other... that's something we need so much in the world today. Thank you very much for entering, and best of talent in the contest!
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wow...your grandparents must be very proud of you with this lovely and touching poem of yours... this is such a great write as it is full of real emotions...congrats...
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Love is so strong.What else but love would guide your hand and your heart to write this piece.Its the only thing that makes this life good.I saw your grandfather through your words.The Santa Claus, the Veteran, the heart that misses his wife.A fine and decent gentleman, who was so lucky to have you.He is still here.Befor you close your eyes at night, he is there, when the morning breaks and a new day begins, he is there. All the love that your showed him is now coming back in beautiful memories. One day it will all make sense.Until then, we have one fine poet who just introduced me to her grandfather.It was indeed a pleasure.
Happiness Always,
LOWELL POE. -
kinda choked me up here...
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sincere, heartfelt
This is a wonderful tribute to someone who means so much in your life. Thank you for sharing some of that feeling with us.
You can see that you've already touched a lot of people with your poem, browsing through all the very nice comments.
I'd like for you to look at the first stanza. While it's not perfect, the flow is quite smooth. In the third stanza, your first three lines are a little short, and the last line is a couple of syllables too long. As a result, the poem comes to a screeching halt, and the reader has to recover a bit before continuing. That can be a very effective technique - using several stressed syllables in a row (spondees) to stop the reader and emphasize a point. You may have done it on purpose here, because it sounded right or because you said "hmmm, more spondees!" I think it comes a little too early in the poem - if you were to say the same thing toward the end, or even at the end, it would resonate and echo in the reader's mind after s/he put the poem away.
The actual scansion for that line is 7 out of 10 syllables with emphasis; the last four words in the line are four consecutive spondees.
He did' nt say' Ron' i Lynn', I' love' you'
As I say, using that sort of construction can be effective if used in the right place, but be sure that you're doing it on purpose.
Your grandparents must have done something right to have a granddaughter who remembers them so fondly and with such eloquence. Thank you for showing this to us.
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Wow I love this poem because my grandmother died of cancer two years ago. Much different person then your grandfather but I still miss her. In the poem we get a good idea of what your grandpa was like. When you mention your grandmother it makes me think of how my grandpa acted after she died, and it's weird because your grandpa reminds me alot of mine especially the playing santa part. The only bad thing about this poem is it sounds sing songy and it ruins the deeper message of the poem.
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The ones that love us create us. We can only reflect back to them the joy and trust and dignity they have brought to our lives. You honored him and there is no greater thing that can be done. You continue to honor the memory when you live your life in excellence, it commerates his love.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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good job. good luck in the contest and thanks for entering.
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good luck in contest
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really nicely written i loved this good luck in the contest!
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this is so sweet and so sad...i've been reading a lot of your stuff and it's all pretty good..i don't know why this "traitor" is harrassing you...<3
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I'm not going to bash a memorial poem.
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I can tell that your grampa means the world to you and always will be. I would be proud of him too if he was my grampa. My great grandad was in the war as well though so he was well respected and he was a healer. My Grandad was a wonderful soul who died when I was 2 / 3 years old. I often feel he is with me wherever I go.
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His eighty two year lifespan
His proudness of our flag,
His ship USS BUNKER HILL
The name on his tarnished dog tag
wonderful tribute.. reminds me a lot of my grandfather.
Thanks so much for the entry!
Angie
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I enjoyed it very much Good Luck in the Contest
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It' Brings Me Back..
This was truly a great poem. I know what you went through, I mean about loving a grandparent and missing them so much. I guess I never got to fully know my grandmother though I miss her more than ever now that she's dead. Great write. I can relate alot. Thanks for this. GL in the contest.
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This is lovely, but not particularly sad if we're fair, it's more a celebration of a brilliant man... one thing though, with rhyme as regular as this you need to make your syllable counts MUCH closer in each line, as this has a halting rhythm despite the rhyme you established...
I'm DQing this, simply because it isn't all that sad really, no-where near what the contest demands... please feel free to enter again with something more fitting. -
Aww!
It's pretty cool that you're willing to make a poem about someone that died. And make it positive.
Alot of people feel the need to blame the deceased for hurting them. Instead, you wrote in a memorable way.
Very nicely done, and good luck in the contest!
-System of Cyanide
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This was a very deep and emotional poem for you to have written and I'm positive you loved him very much great write and thanks for entering
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wow this is great, straight from the heart. thank you for entering it and good luck
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This is a good poem, but very similar to others I have read. Many poems talk about somehow losing a loved one, or having to care for a loved one. It was a little cliche, but still okay. Thank you for your entry and good luck in my contest.
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(In reply to CrystalJet)
"It was a little clique, but still okay."
I think you meant "cliched"?
A clique is a group of snobs who won't let others in to their network. -
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oops, yea... I wasn't sure if I spelled it right.
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beautiful
what a brave man, beautiful poem -
sweet very sweet
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Awesome
I think this, to me, is one of your best pieces of work.
The love comes up from the words before you start to read. Th aroma of the sweet love only a true family can have for each can have is floating out of this work of art. The love for your grandpa is written about but I can feel that the love that this poem expresses go much deeper than that. I know because I had that kind of family until our parents and grand parents died and all of the kids went in different directions. This poem is a gift to the reader.
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We know so much about your grandpa now and all of it so good Although this poem was long it was easy to read and I was kind of disappointed when it came to an end. The author notes carried it on though which is a testament to how much you loved your grandpa. It's great to have such wonderful memories
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What a heart warming, endearing luvly tribute to your grandpa...you have done this quite well...Great emotion flew from these words...your love is evident..and am suring hes smiling right now!
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my gramps was in world war II he died screaming God's name he was paralyzed and they said he would never walk again...but he did....he showed em wrong...i see his spirit still lingering in my house and i hear him walkin around the halls at night...i really loved this piece..i thought it was thoughtful and sweet....God is great and yes he will show you the way...thanks for sharing...i can't wait to read your next piece...you are a great writer and i enjoy reading your stuff
peace and love
mj
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Showing high regards!!!
Devotional of the highest realm, and excellent thoughts to take you long into your life. This long poem, indicates much to remember and an exeptionaal man he seems. Bravo, and what a couple they must have been.
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Beautiful!!
Your grandpa was a magnificent man! I like that he was married for the same woman for 50 years oufff! you don't see that anymore! And it is sad. God created the institution of mariage and it is so out of date. Lust and instalments of all sorts are the norm! I pray for your loss, my pleasure. You have quite the experience there being in the water with him when he was getting baptized!! It's truly a wedding in itself kinda to be baptized in the water! truly rejoice in your poetry
Blessings xx
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You have imortalised the memory of your grandfather in these words, to be passed down through the years for family to read, I can imagine it set in a montage of photographs and framed. I think he must be very proud of you. A great write. I enjoyed every word, thanks for sharing.
Kath.
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This a great write to a person so obviously treasured, it was a pleasure to read.
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Touching
I can relate so much to this poem although I'm sure our grandfather's were two very differnt men but so alike. This reminded me of him so much. Thank you for sharing it, I have to admit I got choked up when I got through it all. -Britt
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