the death of a dream
right before my eyes;
the end of me, so it seemed;
the truth had lost to lies;
it found a way to defeat me;
i’m struck down deep inside;
like hiding behind a barren tree,
i’ve no where to hide;
who will listen
to the crying of my soul?
a weeping heart that’s blistering;
i’m far from feeling whole;
who else knows me,
with all that i’ve gone through?
a darkened soul besets me;
too black to be blue;
the day gives way
to another lonely night;
only the walls hear what i say;
i see no good in sight;
no strength is left,
i think i’ll just lie down;
i’ll go to sleep, with heart bereft;
why watch the sun go down?...
Author notes
This isn't about me. It's about a good friend I care very much about. I wish to leave a note here for this friend to say I don't know what you're feeling, and I believe I would insult what you're experiencing by claiming to understand.
I have no wish to tell you what you feel, or how you should feel. This is simply my expression of my perceptions, in a pathetic attempt to be there as a friend. My apologies for how this falls so short of what is true.
Your friend, Bob...
A contest entry
- I want you to make me feel it! by unanswered.
450 points, ended March 7, 2007, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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I like it a lot
has a feeling of concern and caring for another and this quality is never strained...well written and the choices of words and symbolic words seem respectful...well done
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Beautiful! A pleasure to read!! Keep up the amazing art work!!
-Knight- -
This was beautiful. I really enjoyed it. I can feel your sadness. good luck in the contest.
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WOW...
Big Brother, I think you really outdid yourself on this one!
THIS is poetry!
Amazingly brilliant- and yes, a wonderful tribute to this friend.
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Not my favorite of your writes, Bob, but definately an emotional and powerful poem. You've written better, I know, but for the reason behind writting it and you writing your perception and to show your friendship, I think it is good. To be critical, some of the rhyming was cliche(way, say; night, sight; tree, me; whole, soul; etc.) which is unlike you. I liked the creativity in the title. Like I said, not your best, but still it was enjoying to read. Hope you friend likes it
--Tim
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a really write
I enjoyed it -
so sad
This is a beautiful piece that is full of sadness.
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I really enjoyed reading this poem. It's hard for me to pick my favorite part...I like most of it. I guess my favorite would be the line the poem is name after. This was amazing, and I'm sure your friend will greatly appreciate it. Great job, and keep penning!
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All I can to this one bob is....WOW! you are absolutely amazing with what you write. You are a friend to many, unstoppable friendship is hard to find. But you restore much peace and hope, to such a frailed mind...Your friend always. GETS
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This was a very good concept and I liked your rhyming. It is sad, but beautiful. I wish your friend the best of luck. Great poem.
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beautiful!
this was a great tribute to your friend. pain knows no boundaries. although each situation is different and unique. pain feels the same to a broken heart. I think you have structured a great poem here. I am glad I got to read it. I am certain you are a ray of light for your friend. they are blessed to have you. peace always in all ways...kp
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this was a great attempt at empathy my friend. Not many men would even try
I hope your friend will see better days and more joy and harmony ahead. Peace and love....desi
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this is an amazing poem. theres SO much emotion here. i love it. it makes me sad but at the same time makes me feel like someone understands.
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wow...
this is so powerful and moving...it really touches my heart..Thank you for sharing these words with me. Some nights it feels like this...others, i'm full of peace and calm assurance that everything and those i care about WILL be alright and taken care of...thats really important to me
You have very well captured the feelings that come on sometimes, on many of us at times i'm sure...like no one is really listening except the walls, that things might not be okay after all...It is deep and feeling..the end is so sad, poignant.. (but i know its not really the end! )...I'm glad to see a poem that confronts and expresses these feelings that i think a lot of us hide when they do creep up...This will be another of your poems that i will share with people
Awesome job Bob Thank you for sharing this....
God bless!
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this is so sad and yes i know it really happens, but it still breaks my heart to read of this. you have such empathy for this friend, what a kind and loving man you are. thank you for sharing this. God bless you always my dear brother
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Love the title
Wow this really sounds as though it's pouring out from your heart. You're incredibly good at putting yourself insomeone else's place. I've been here so can verify the reality of the experiences you've written about. You're a master of the pen! (or keyboard)
Love, light & peace
Georgia
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Thanks, Georgia!...
...In some way, I have been there, though I can never say it was like what this person is going through. I would have to be God to know how this person feels.
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THIS is amazing poetry Bob...
THIS IS REAL... it's life... open and honest and most likely is the absolute best thing you have written...
it has soul... it has feeling... it's REAL... what more can be said about this?
THanks...
~Melissa
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Your Comment...
...is especially encouraging to me. I personally see you as the Queen of Real.
Thanks, Melissa!
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