I have seen the hopeless
Scattered recklessly
Sopping with the sticky sweet color of passion
[sprawled in piles of their own]
Hastened in rage
With furious fires
As burning candles in each claret iris
Lead me gaily
Through the fields of these broken bodies
Whereas I may ne’er look down
For if one were to peer into the hollow shell
(where once there lived forgiveness)
Only vengeance and gallantry would pour
like wine into thy cup
Lap up the spilled torture
[sweep the dust under your rug]
Moving on to our “Brighter Tomorrow”
moving on...
A contest entry
- The Poets Write by Starrchild777.
975 points, ended March 8, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
does my point get across?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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i enjoyed the poem. good job. it opens very powerful, and doesn't die down. no interest is lost while reading it. its a lovely poem and good luck in the contest!
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I love the begining of this poem, "I have seen the hopeless, Scattered recklessly..."... Your layout is so very clever, i love the bracketted words, they fit perfectly and suit the mood of the poem.... You have used amazing wording in this poem, that decribes emotions so well... I love the ending, hope lies there....
" Lap up the spilled torture
[sweep the dust under your rug]
Moving on to our “Brighter Tomorrow”"...
beautiful, well done!!
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Incredible!
This is one very powerfully written poem and is structured quite well! I really enjoyed the poems flow through from the 1st line to the last. At first I did not quite understand it then again I need caffine so I took a shot and I understood the poem. excellent job all round and best of luck in the contest to you. Sincerely, Poet known as whitetiger1251
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Touching
Touched me deeply.
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Read this over four or five times now and, as usual, not always sure I understand what's being said but do know I enjoy the sound of it being said. Kind of like listening to an opera in Italian. No idea of the content but it's still beautiful. Enjoy your stuff Miss Kerri.
Dad
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Excellent, I think... very intruiging form and thoughts. I'm usually not much for this styl of writing, but you've used it very effectively and there's so much depth in it. Very very good.
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beautiful. I love the way you positioned everything on the page. It was very effective. Beautiful poem here!
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