The pub was really crowded and my friends were in fine form,
We drank ourselves quite senseless (as was usually the norm),
And since I wasn't driving and the night was fine and still
I left them all still drinking and set off up the hill.
And as I passed the graveyard with its leaning, ancient stones
I found my steps were falt'ring as I pondered all those bones...
I must admit the drink had rather gone straight to my head,
And I fell into a hole just dug for persons freshly dead!
It was equitably comfy, so I fell into a sleep,
And dreamed of spectral shepherds herding flocks of ghostly sheep,
But somewhere in the wee small hours I woke up with a start
With a thrumming in my ears and a pounding in my heart.
I saw a slit above me filled with moonlight pearly white,
And silhouetted 'gainst it was a terrifying sight!
Two creatures staring down at me, half-rotted and quite foul,
With eyeballs widely staring like a ghastly midnight owl!
I blinked in frightened horror through my boozy, addled haze
Completely unaware that they mirrored the same gaze.
...I started to apologise for taking up their space
And realised with chagrin I must look quite a disgrace.
The first leaned down to help me, but its hand came off in mine,
And the other laughed so heartily its head fell off its spine.
I scrambled and I scrabbled, and clawed up to the rim,
And offered my condolences, my dirty face quite grim.
Now the moral of this story, as you've probably surmised,
Is don't fall into holes not yours ~ it's really ill-advised.
When people throw their hands in, or maybe lose their heads,
It says to us that all good folk should be safely in their beds!
A contest entry
- 'Out Of The Ashes' by Lyre-Bird-.
680 points, ended March 5, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite-palooza by swim.x.
1650 points, ended October 6, 2008, 101 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Out Rhyme Rakerman1 by piccola.
900 points, ended June 6, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - RHYME AND RHYTHM-PW allowed by Heva Feva.
550 points, ended July 3, 107 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Silly, Silly, Silly by misterfish.
950 points, ended July 5, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Like to Chuckle... by Loveberry.
700 points, ended November 2, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 52 of 52
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HOOO HOOO, you've done it again!
Should have known better to enter a comp wot you are in! You've really got it - but if it takes falling into graves to get it, leave me out!!!
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Haha!!!Thats a good one... I really loved it... Really nice work
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Very true!! lol I loved this it was cool. Great rhyme and flow, maybe you could watch the syllable count though. Good luck and thanks for entering my contest!
-heva -
gr8 work..... nicely crafted....
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This is fabulous! So easy to read and I love the moral. Great job! I'm so jealous I can't write like this!!!!!
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This is such a well penned poem 
It rhymes flawlessly and flows so well too. Love the story you've told here and the ending is a winner 
Great write...I really enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing
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this is a hoot... as the grim peepers lose all kinds of stuff and even they had to laugh...very well done...PK
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this has gotta be Irish an excellent belly splittin fun read dear poet ..I can relate to this ...I too have slept in a graveyard in my youthful daze ...to much rum and not enough sense has made me what I am today a red faced old fart that loves me poetry art ...realy really enjoyed the read here poet
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Good jokey spooky write
I thought for a moment those grotesque faces peering down would be a couple of the pub companions you left behind, after they'd got further plastered beyond beautification by moonlight. The second-last stanza is a beaut. Thanks for a good fun tale.
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very cool write
a great giggle for a rainy Sunday, I enjoyed every word, thank you for sharing this , I absolutely loved it
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Superb Plus +
One of the most humorous twists on horror stories I've read in many years. Very well written, indeed. Thanks for sharing this one with us.
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This is very well-structured, the rhyme scheme is...glorious.
The AP exams and English courses need poetry like this in the curriculum.
It's fun, but it's good poetry at the same time.
Great writing!
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i like this poem alot!
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Well that was really funny, I don't usually ACTUALLY laugh aloud when reading but this was brilliant.
I loved the imagery of the hand coming off and the head falling off his spine. I also love the way in which the character seems more worried about being mucky and apologizing than the living dead gawping at him
How fab, definitely a favourite.
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Bandits Auction #6
The humour is already easy to recognize in the first stanza due to the rhythm and rhyming.
The content is quite weird, but really funny, especially the last stanza. I enjoyed reading this very much, although I am not a Halloween fan.
You are truly a master of rhyme and meter!
Keep up the great work!
Annie
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Bandit Auction #6
Hilarious and appropriate for this spooky season! Great images, rhythm and rhyme!
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Bandit Auction #6
Your tale of prose lends itself to the season wonderfully. Your imagery subtly plays out through this almost carefree tale enlivened with moral teaching as it were. I thoroughly enjoyed!
Respectfully,
Silent Hawk
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BANDITS AUCTION#6
"And offered my condolences, my dirty face quite grim." And very sober no doubt.
I liked the ghostly, grisly tale. Had to read it twice, story poems are my kind of poetry.
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this is a fabulous poem - I loved it from beginning to end - you have crafted the rhythm, rhyme, and flow so well (it probably has something to do with meter, but I'm not so good on that
) ... the ending was a classic moral turned on it's head and it just ... wow
Keep writing
Polly
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Bandits Auction #6
EEwwww - great, spooky imagery. You did a great job with a poem of longer length.
"Now the moral of this story, as you've probably surmised,
Is don't fall into holes not yours ~ it's really ill-advised.
When people throw their hands in, or maybe lose their heads,
It says to us that all good folk should be safely in their beds!
"
Gave me a good giggle. You have done a fine job on this
poem of the macabe.
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bandits auction #6
a captivating tale from beginning to end. filled with vivid imagery, it plays out in ones mind. thank you for sharing your talent. keep writing! God bless you always
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BANDITS AUCTION #6
lol I so loved this amazing write!! A wonderful write to read on Halloween night in the dark. Such vivid imagery and the ryhme was great! Thanks for sharing. hugs Theresa
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LOL you made me laugh, what a delightful poem you've written. Smoothly flowing and excellent rhyming. Enjoyed it very much.
~Titia~
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Bandit Auction #6
This is a quite entertaining and hauntimgly good tale. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the piece. I do have to advise no more sleeping in graves. -
Bandit Auction #6
This is a wonderfully written poem from start to the end! You develop the story well building on each line. Great rhyme and good flow. Very good.
Dennis
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This was really good! I loved your use of humour without exaggeration. Congratulations on making me laugh.
Good luck in the conest,
Swim.x -
I really liked this.
You wrote something that started out creepy and seemed rather gross but it ended really funny.
I loved your story had a meaning behind it.
My favorite part was
It was equitably comfy, so I fell into a sleep,
And dreamed of spectral shepherds herding flocks of ghostly sheep,
I really loved that one line!
Great write!
~Maya -
You should send this one over to MADD. Sometimes a little rhymes can knock some sense into people. I can't believe in this day and age anyone would be so stupid as to drive while they are drunk.
Speaking of which, have you seen Grindhouse yet? There is a scene in Death Proof that is quite similar to the situation you describe. I recomme -
I love it! Very creative, great flow and rhyme! You successfully combined being drunk, with a graveyard and handless, headless ghoulies.
"Now the moral of this story, as you've probably surmised,
Is don't fall into holes not yours ~ it's really ill-advised.
When people throw their hands in, or maybe lose their heads,
It says to us that all good folk should be safely in their beds!
Well done! Best of luck in the contest and thanks for sharing this one! ....JustBreathe
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Fun to read. It was a fun and amusing poem... Humorous as well. I wish there were more like this.
Keep writing... -
great write!
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This poem is excellent!!! The rhyme and meter are kind of sing-songish.... makes me happy... And then end makes me laugh!!! Well done!!!
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This could make a good scary movie. I don't believe in ghosts and i am therefore not scared. Definitely a poem/script like and old spooky movie or an X-file.
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Ohhh...that's a nice little ghoulish picture!
Haha...this was a lot of fun... -
SUPERB FUN!
What a hoot! Great laugh this one-brought a big smile to my face- the cadence and rhyme are spot on-
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wow, that was good... the picture up there is disturbing. you made it easier to look at. the ending was very good.
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I have no formal training but I can tell you what I personally like and don’t like. I don’t do negative reviews so if I am reviewing your work, I don’t see it in a negative light. I WILL mention of I think you should have checked your spelling unless I can tell you are writing in the vernacular. Now to this poem: I love it!! The rhyme and meter seems perfect to me and I observed nothing forced. The story sounds just as if that is how the speaker would remember the incident the morning after. Very nice. Keep up the good work.
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good.Like how it goes.maybe it needs a little work?but u did a nice job,it may need a few little work there and there,but,anyways the point is u did a nice job.Keep up the good work.
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nice.like how it goes.kinda funny.the flow just goes so well with the poem.the picture went well wit the poem.creative.hope to see more of these good poems.
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What in interesting interpretation of the picture that was used to inspire writers for this contest. Great rhythm, rhyme and flow in these lines; humorous and a great way to tell this story. Went really well with the picture.
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Tee Hee! What a cracker. I needed a good laugh and I got it with this well crafted work. Thanks so much,
Donald
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Aha! A 'Proper'poem... Rhymes and everything. The meter stumbled in a couple of places but that didn't stop it being fun or ruin my overall enjoyment of it. A light and refreshing piece... "Just for the fun of it".
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lou, this is what I love you for your gorgeous pommy humour..Judy
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Firstly I want to thank you for entering the contest!!!!
A wonderful write, you have been inspired in a amazing way... amazing how people percieve the same picture..
Not one for long poems, you did well I enjoyed this read from start to end... great word ful glides from one line to the next
well done
goodluck
Tracey
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That is...
.... One scary picture. However the poem was very well written. It surprised me with wonderful flow and exceptional taste. Thank you for sharing.. You've been hoodwinked. Kassie.
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This is sheer brilliance, it has been a long time since I have read one of such brilliance, you know I love this sort of poem from you, twas what drew me to you all these months ago, this is going straight into the bookmarks.... words fail me, what a hoot
Karen
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This was hillarious. The rhyming was flawless. The story was complete... bravo.
The first leaned down to help me, but its hand came off in mine,
And the other laughed so heartily its head fell off its spine.
This image cracked me up.
I love how you took an image that was supposed to be taken seriously, all dark and feelingsy, and turned it into a parody.
Honestly, I agree. Those floating things look more comical than scary. -
Thank you very much for your entry to our contest 'Out of the ashes'............................................
What can I say?- laughing hard at this submission.
Totally different take on the theme that works so well.
Clever piece.
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Heh, I adored this. You're the best humour writer I've come across on AP. I'm also fond of dark, zombie like poetry and this takes the two and mixes them. I love me some mix.
"And dreamed of spectral shepherds herding flocks of ghostly sheep"
--creepy line.
"The first leaned down to help me, but its hand came off in mine,
And the other laughed so heartily its head fell off its spine"
--this is my favourite part ... I can see it happening, it's wonderful. Oh the joy of friendly creatures. Great story inside this piece, it made me smile wide
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What a humorous, albeit gross approach. I found it quite easy to read as the meter and flow worked wonders and your language control fit your ryhmes in so perfectly.
It is a unusual concept to go with the picture, but once the imagery in your narrative took over, it was quite easy to see.
Jim
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hooroo Lou
Congratulations to you.
TOMFW
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I wonderd where you's been the last couple of days. Now I know. Great rhyming, as usual. Amusing story and a nice ending with a punch-line. You're really on form today, Lou.
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