If of this
I die
(which I doubt,
since there are 1000
easier ways to part)
lend my mind
to a mongrel bass
that swims the Tyne.
Then burn my
pancreas heart
without a mass
and eyelids give
to the daffodil that
bloom
to must.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Hmm, to die of an aneurysm would be most unfortunate! But, I agree: there are 1000 easier ways to part. I like the last four lines best, especially the language you used for a blooming daffodil. I am biased towards poems that require the reader to actively think about the poem as they read it, and your poem did just that! Very well done.
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Thanks for your comment on Aneurism and for saying that my poem requires peop`le to think.
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This was really weird! But I give you MAD props for being very original in writing this! Not bad! You obviously have quite an imagination... hope everything goes well.
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Thanks for your comment on Aneurism. I don't think it is weird but thanks for letting me know you think so.
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deep
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Thanks for your comment on Aneurism.
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Oh reading it...I feel that there is no problem that I didn't get my name in world records...but even my last moments will be quite enough to make it...
Anyways, frankly speaking, the enclosing of some lines in the braket, rather the way they are enclosed makes it a bit less poetic...usually the enclosed lines elaborate or give the poem a deeper meaning, but may be you tried to create a humor around...If that's the case, then I am sorry: I am usually the last person to laugh on a joke...
Keep writing... -
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Thanks for your comment on Aneurism. Yes, including the lines between brackets could have been a mistake but I just like it that way. Thanks for leting me know.
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A pithy approach to the everlasting problem of illness - do I detect the laughter of irony in this piece? I like it anyway and thank you for sharing.
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Thanks for your comment on Aneurism and for catching the irony between the lines.
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nicely written and interesting..good job!
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