I keep wanting something more
More than a bottle of vodka and
A philosophical discussion about love
In a moment I can't keep a hold of
We sit close and talk
But I wanna sit closer and
I wish we could just walk
And walk 'till we find ourselves
And feel what I'd never say
Before the moment walks away
I'm selfish, hungry,
Out of my goddam mind for what I need
How could I confess to perfection
The extent of my lusty greed?
I've fallen hard for the Devil's card
I'll always play in suits of cliched scars.
Author notes
Sort of based on a dream.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Excellant/imaginative
A most intriguing write, as the dream must have been that inspired it. I liked it just as it is.
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i wasnt being mean!if thats the way its meant to be then it worked well ovibusly because i picked up on it, i was just checking if you wanted it to have that feel, i did very much enjoy reading it
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LOL don't worry, I didn't think you were being mean anyways..
PS - Nice pic, love the glasses :-P.
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"I wish we could just walk
And walk 'till we find ourselves
And feel what I'd never say
Before the moment walks away"
That's as close to perfection as this world will allow us to grasp, if you ask me. I LOVE those lines, and the minute I read them, this piece held so much meaning for me. I like the feel to this poem a lot. I think you captured the dream-like feel extremely well...and the confusion that goes along with it. I read your reply to the poet before me, and it gives me even more respect for the piece. It sounds like you were able to capture that dream right within a bottle. Nice job.
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very smooth, seems destined to be a song rather than a poem, its got an edgy feel to it. it does feel dream like and nostalgic, il be honest im not sure if i like it or not, it seems too short, like its being held back and its stopped from saying things it wants to say.
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Thanks, it was pretty short, but I cut it off for a reason, maybe 2: 1) What I wrote was written without thinking of rhymes consciously, or any serious thinking.. so if I'd continued it might have ruined the feeling... 2) The dream this was based on had that exact feeling of being held back, as if I couldn't say exactly what I wanted to.. thanks for the opinion though :-P.
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