I have not moved
In five days
Maybe it hasn't
Been that long
Maybe I was wrong
How long
Has it been
So dark
Empty
I want to go home
Nothing here is mine
I remember
Everything so clear
Every word you said
So cold here
I just need to be alone
To sit here
Tired of holding
Myself upright
Tired of smiling
At the end of the day
I just want to be home
To curl up
And allow this gnawing
Empty feeling
To eat its way out
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is really good. The way the wording is done, you can envision many different scenes here. From being perhaps in rehab reflection, to be in the hospital recovering from something, to be yearning to be just home, away from a lover etc or even lost within ones own mind, reaching for the familiarity of self to share the emotions. Excellent job
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Interesting.... for some reason, I want to say "quiet". I think it would have more of an impact if, instead of being so broken up into different lines, if you played with symbols and spacing. But it's good--it has a sort of "muttering in a person's mind" feel...
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Hungry?
woww I thought it was kinda sad but realistic. please remmeber to smile once the horrible creature eats its hole through you. or I could capture it and put it in my story about a menacing creature from the deep seeded minds of todays society. NICE
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I've felt like that before....
Great job!
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