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Dear Diary: Why?!

Dear Diary:

Each day gets harder and harder
Today is no exception
I can't seem to get out of my head
I just can't battle this seperation

He was everything to me
All I ever wanted and more
Why did I do that to him?
Why can't things go back to before?

I made a mistake
No doubt it was dumb
Now I'm just reliving this cold
And my body's gone numb

Why did I go to that dance without him?
Why did I approach that other guy?
Why did all the feelings rush back?
Why did I continue to lie?

I should have just came out with it right away
I kissed him, I know it was wrong
How could I make him go through this again?
Why couldn't I just stay strong?

Well now I'm left with this aching feeling
And I can't make it go away
I know I did this to myself
I made it all this way

So now I've ruined everything in my life
And he'll never love me anymore
He won't even say another word to me
And I have nothing else to live for

Why did I push myself over my edge?
Why did I hurt myself so much?
Right now I'd give my very last breath
Just to feel his soothing touch

I did this to myself
I HURT MYSELF SO BAD
And now all I have to think about
Is the best thing that I've ever HAD

Author notes

A diary entry describing the feelings of regret and self-blame and self-abuse after cheating on the first love of my entire life. I went through a huge deal of depression and suicidal attempts but I'm much better now and we're actually going out again! I think our relationship is even better. I feel like we're very open and have the strongest relationship anyone could ever have! You learn from your mistakes, and I've DEFINATELY learned from this one -FOREVER! It will NEVER EVER EVER!!! HAPPEN AGAIN! It was my biggest regret of my entire life!

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • soulangel1500
    February 23, 2007

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    Beautiful, very well written. I understand, can't quite say been there done that but I had the same consequence. I'm just glad it was a happy ending.


  • just-an-amateur
    February 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Glad you found each other again, and that you're being as honest as you can be to one another. Great poem and I really enjoyed the rhyme.
    "M"


  • FlipperSwitch
    February 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow...thank you so much for sharing this. It's a wonderful entry in my contest...you did an excellent job at describing your tangled emotions while it happened, I am happy that you have been able to overcome your mistake and things in life are going well for you. Thanks again for entering.


    • FollowingFate
      February 19, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Lacie

      thanks! I didn't really know if it was great because it was supposed to be confusing...like mixed emotions, but it seems to not flow so great. -not really in order. all over the place...but I'm glad you liked it. Anyways, I just wanted to enter to see what you thought of it, plus there weren't that many entries. Good luck with that by the way. Best wishes.


      ~Jessica

      • FlipperSwitch
        February 19, 2007

        Edit | Reply
        Well, the emotions were all over the place- but I could follow pretty well. I don't know what you mean by flow- it might be a little joggy but I think it actually helps set the entire theme and feel of the poem.

1 - 5 of 5