Stumbling around,
Like a drunken fool,
Blind to the trails of this day,
The Dreamer knows nothing,
Naught of that he should do.
"Have you even kissed her yet?"
Inquires the Antagonist,
A friend always willing to challenge,
Watching his every move,
Ready to confront the Dreamer’s persona.
"Do you really need to know that?"
Counters the Dreamer,
He wonders to the reason for the question,
But proceeds none the less,
A strong tone of offence on his breath.
"Yes. Yes I do, if you must know,"
The Antagonist exclaims,
He knows he is getting to him,
He understands now,
“Have you even tried to?”
"I am so scared to,"
The Dreamer stumbles now,
Forgetting his thoughts,
Lost in a sea of heartfelt fear,
"You don’t understand"
"Don’t I?"
The antagonist strikes a nerve,
Deep in the soul of the Dreamer,
He knows now,
"It has already been a week"
"Yes I know that,"
The dreamer pauses,
The situation coursing through his mind,
Then coming to realize something
“But is not a week a short time?”
“A week is what ever you two make it to be,
it is nor to long or nor is it to short.”
Replies the Antagonist.
They walk now,
Along the fiery path,
Though the thoughts of the future,
Feeling free among the elegance of the winter night,
The stars shine awkwardly with an ominous glow,
The night so very cold, yet comforting to their folly,
They sit and allow the winter breeze to wrap around them.
"Well don’t you want to?"
The Antagonist now completely enthralled in the subject,
Presses on like nothing can ever stop him.
“Well yea, of course I do”
The Dreamer hesitates,
He has never told anyone,
And assumes the Antagonist will use it against him.
“But I…”
“…have never kissed a girl before”
The Antagonist finishes the sentence,
He knows all to well the Dreamers answer,
A friendship of more ten years does that.
“Well, do you love her?”
“I feel utterly free when I am with her, I have never felt so at peace, I never have felt that everything was so right, Its just, like the puzzle that is my life is fitting together in a way,”
The Dreamer knows not if he understands what love really is,
But believes that it is something soon to be discovered,
“If that isn’t love than I don’t know what love is.”
“Than what are you waiting for?”
Replies the Antagonist
“kiss her!”
Author notes
its (very) loosely based on a conversation between me and one of my really close friends
A contest entry
- Fear by Passionate Singe.
600 points, ended April 7, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Long, but well worth the read. I like the narrative in this and love can indeed be a scary place. Quite the cleverly crafted piece. Bravo
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3
wow um... lol thats really good -
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thanks babe! glad you like it.
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3 claps...9pts
Reward from The Poetic Bandits reading list
~Lilac
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I love the conversation ... and naming the characters as you did was brilliant. I do think you could tighten up in a few places ... but that is just revision. All up I think this is amazing!
Stay smiling and keep writing
Polly -
The first kiss is always the most important to get right but invariably it goes wrong
You have written this with much thought...a little over long and could be condensed but none the less it is an interesting piece to read...I always find conversation poetry quite facinating...
I hope that kiss is all that should be
Love and smiles
~Lilac
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it's simply a kiss - that's all it is. But when it's the first kiss it means so much - how to do it just right is something that bothers one - how will it turn out? Interesting topic to write about. Sentiments well expressed in these lines.
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Exciting
This is different. I have read it three times. These lines tell all: “I feel utterly free when I am with her, I have never felt so at peace, I never have felt that everything was so right, Its just, like the puzzle that is my life is fitting together in a way,”
The Dreamer knows not if he understands what love really is,
But believes that it is something soon to be discovered,
“If that isn’t love than I don’t know what love is.”
“Than what are you waiting for?”
Replies the Antagonist
“kiss her!”
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Adorable...to take the time to plan your first kiss...loved it!
~Lori
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This is sweet, I really liked this
I planned my first kiss for a while as I was coming home from holiday and seeing my boyfriend, but it didn;t go well seeing as he was drunk and I was jetlagged
This was a sweet and true write
Well done
Mucho love
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This is sweet. I loved it. A first kiss is something to be treasured and it must be planned right. it can't be rushed.
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Thank you!
I tend to agree with you... not to be rushed
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I like the dialogue aspect of this piece and all the emotions brought to life! Anticipation... you painted a vivid picture of it in awaiting that kiss! A delightful read! Thanks and best wishes,
frogz~ -
nice job
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A lovely conversation. Very nice contrasts in the dialogue. Good flow and tone. Very nice expression of feeling. Good word choice. A much enjoyed read.
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i know exactly wat this is talking about and all i have to say is....DO IT DO IT DO IT HAHAHA no but all jokes aside man outstanding write...its almost like i was one of the characters...o wait..haha...awesome write man i enjoyed it
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A very unique write. This is a very innocent and sweet story. I think you did a great job!!
GBY
Silver
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excellent
Great write, the flow of the thoughts reveals the nervousness of the realization of the desire and longing for that first kiss. Very orginal write and a pleasure to read.
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It's good. An interesting story, very personal I can see. It's good. really good.
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:)
one of the more interesting types of poems I've come across. the dialogue was very entertaining. kudos on personifying the atagonist so well. good work.
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I love this conversation poem. Wow is all I can say. Such a great topic. I so enjoyed reading it. Keep up the wonderful writing
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nice. me gusta.
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do you really?
I pretty much turned him asking me a question "have you two kissed" into that entire thing, it was funn!!! well I mean, everything in i t is totally true...
do you really like it?
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Interesting....
......... Very interesting. I liked the conversation type poem very well. you've done an excellent job at portraying this poem and the words that were said. Excellent job and thanks for sharing. kassie -
""Have you even kissed her yet?""
Ya know what? It's none of their business!
That kind of stuff reminds me of middle school days when kids would push other kids into the girl or guy they liked and 'whisper' "ASK HIM OUT!" *sigh*
Good job on the piece by the way
Keep up the kilelr work, take care, and keep on writing!
~Princess of Shadows~ -
its awesome how you can turn a conversation into something like that. very talented i have to say.
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