The blood gushes out,pouring down
Her arm, and leaks onto the floor.
The tears run down my face,
As my mind wonders to its own place.
The blood that was once shed is gone,
Yet the pain still lingers, and it's not planning to leave.
I lay there, thinking.
"What made her have those suicidal thoughts?"
I used to ask myself.
The blood gushed out of her on that night.
Her pain is gone.
Yet for me, it will never leave,
As there are still blood stains on my carpet.
Author notes
cluck cluck
Lost One
A contest entry
- Death of a friend by sprack44.
525 points, ended February 22, 2007, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Contest For Poets With No Trophies by tawk.
425 points, ended February 22, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nothing is ever really random, is it??? by bw43.
300 points, ended March 12, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~It Doesn't Get Any Easier Than This~ by -Ink Artist-.
525 points, ended April 13, 2007, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Death Or Destruction (2) by Klayer.
340 points, ended May 8, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - contest!!! (no rules) by nobodys-girl.
1700 points, ended July 5, 2007, 44 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tempus Fugit by Long Road Home.
2007 points, ended May 29, 2007, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Loss of a Friend by MeaningfulPoet482.
450 points, ended July 19, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Deep Dark Thoughts by FleetingImage.
330 points, ended August 11, 2007, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything && Everything (Shoot me up side the head) --all ages-- by Marilyn..
475 points, ended August 11, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options! Best kind of contest. by ScrewAllOfYou.
750 points, ended September 13, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - killing emotions by timberwolf1313.
310 points, ended September 28, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Off Me by bruntbeauty.
700 points, ended October 20, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pain. by forbidden-colour.
300 points, ended November 13, 2007, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Nice write! thank you for entering,
I did find the last two lines a bit awkward though!
:/
!
xx
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This was very nicely written, the last four lines were my favorite. Thank you for your entry. best of luck!
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Ah, suicide. A form Im not all to found of when I read poetry but yet I cant ignore how well it was written. Also, seeing as I never said no emo stuff, I must allow this and judge fairly. It does tell of a loved one leaving their mark, enough after death. Losing a loved one is a hard thing to suffer. Good luck and good write.
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Very well done!
I even read the comments so I know it didn’t really happen, which surprised me because it was so very real the way you wrote it. It’s true that you used just the right amount of words. I think a short direct piece can often have more impact, and yet after you’re done reading it still lingers…
Interesting too how it seemed to mean different things too different people & 2 things to one person. I think a good poem speaks to the reader & touches them where they are, in their own heart, and that creates the different meaning kind of thing. I think that’s a good thing. You have communicated in a lovely way!
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Wow, this gave me chills, this is very well written to where I can picture it in my head and feel your pain in my heart.
Thanks for posting.
Great job.
The blood gushed out of her on that night.
Her pain is gone.
Yet for me, it will never leave,
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i loved reading this poem it flowed and had a nice use of words...good luck
~Wolf~ -
Wow that was probably very rude of me.
It's still a very beautiful and deep poem.
Very appoligetic. -
This is beautiful in everything except I'm hemophobic.
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I thought this was really good--congrats on the trophy
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You didn't read the rules. I can tell.
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oh wow...this is so beautifully sad...it reminds me of one of my best friends so well. i remmeber her trying to kill herself and me walking in on her cutting...it was horrible. anyway awesome write!
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so this is a trophy winner? i can see why. its really good. the imagery may not be the most original ever, but it sure does get the point across and it accurately paints a picture. i took this in two different ways:
1. the narrator was talking about herself, yet switched between 'i' and 'her' for effect
2. the narrator was talking about her friend that killed herself on the floor of the narrator
after reading the other comments, i think you meant the second one, though. good job. -
So sad...but so beautifully written. You wrote just the right amount to get the message across without rambling. I can see why you won the silver trophy, congratulations!
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Such a sad write. The sense of loss is easily felt by the reader. Your thoughts and emotions are conveyed well. Thanks for your entry!
~Lori -
i think you've got the emotion packed into this, but perhaps some more unique imagery. place the two of those elements together, and there will be a more popping piece. just my two cents. :) thank you for your entry, j
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no, it isnt a true story, i actually wrote it originally about someone cutting theirselves and i looked at it and realized that if i made a few changes, it could be about a friend or someone killing themselves.
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This was so incredibly sad. Is this a true story? If so, I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Congrats on the trophy, though.
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I liked the last line... the way it described exactly why you won't forget. It kind of made it a cynical twist though... it sounds more like the speaker is more angry than sad about the suicide of the friend. I suppose anger would be the correct emotion to have, though, in the case of suicide.
So as I was saying.. the cynical twist because up until the last line, it sounds like the speaker won't forget because... well it's such a tragedy.. but then it turns out... well, the blood stains are there as a constant reminder... ensuring that the memory is not lost in oblivion.
This was a really sad piece.
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This is so sad, and such an emotional piece. I am so sorry for your loss. Good luck in my contest
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Very sad situation. I'm sorry for your loss and the pain of the mess afterwards. Good job with this. Keep up the good work.
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woah thats awesome. i really like it. very deep
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Her pain is gone.
Yet for me, it will never leave,
very nice
and nice authors notes
you are one of the only ones so far
congrats this is a very good piece
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